I live 200 miles from my mum and the rest of my family. Once or twice a year, me and dh and our 5 kids go to visit my mum in her house, which is in a large city, lovely house, plenty of room for our kids and v comfortable.
We arrived at my mums on thursday night to stay 3 nights. My dh is a bit funny about staying at my mum's in that he likes his space, so usually would pop out for an hour to buy a paper and have a pint somewhere on his own. I dont mind this obviously. But also, I usually mind the kids in the mornings so that he can pop out (mum lives near lots of nice cafes) and have a nice cooked breakfast and again, read his newspaper and sports results in peace.
Last night, me, dh and my dbro and dsis went out for a few drinks. got home around midnight. Dh was flicking through the paper and spotted that a band that we used to like is playing a gig in a pub near my mums house tonight. He suggested that we go, but i said that as we were heading out all day today to visit friends of his and their kids, that i would prefer that we stay in tonight with my mum, as I feel we havent actually seen that much of her since we arrived we have been so busy visiting friends etc.
He then said that maybe HE would go out with the guy that we are visiting, the friend of his anyway, and the two of them would go out for a night themselves. I was taken aback at this and said so. I think its rude of him to take himself off for a night out on our family trip when we are staying with my mum, and he has spent little time here as it is. He seems to find it next to impossible to SIT IN for an evening with my family. Its not like my mum expects him to entertain her, she will happily feed him, bring him a beer while he sits beside the fire watching tv or playing iPad. Also, to put this in some context, dh goes away to concerts any time he wants, has a few weekends away a year with the boys, a golfing holiday, and can take himself off anytime to visit his friends, I dont mind that.
I only ask in return that on the few occasions that we visit my family, which is only ever for 2 or 3 nights twice a year that he engages with us, makes a bit of an effort, and if he feels slightly bored then just suck it up, as I live 5 mins form all his family and spend tons of time with them, in laws, elderly aunts, overbearing cousins, the lot, as thats what you do when you marry someone. Wouldnt even mind but he admits that my family arer good company, its just he seems to feel its ok to treat my mums house as a base for him do suit himself.
Sorry so long, really pissed off about this as he tried to make me feel bad about this saying stuff like he only gets to this city so rarely, whats wrong with wanting a night out etc etc (he had 3 nights out in Xmas week all late ones and goes out every thurday night, so he doesnt live the life of a recluse.) He is playing the martyr now.
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I think my dh is being bloody selfish about spending time with my family
78 replies
irishchic · 29/12/2012 10:40
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