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PIL dog - advice please

(267 Posts)
MTBMummy Fri 28-Dec-12 20:19:03

We're currently visiting the in laws for Xmas an their dog has just gone for me, u bent downto give him a sausage and he went for my face - punctured my eyelid and caused a blood blister and a lot of bruising - I'll be getting one of them to take me to the doctor tomorrow morning, they're very rural, and everyone has had a bit too much to drink, so cannot drive.

This in itself is bad enough, but the dog shortly after snapped at dd and hurt her hand - he did not draw blood, but obviously scared her.

My question is how do I handle this - in laws are brushing it under the carpet - I've not been able to speak to DP alone since it happened. But I just want to leave, I am worried about going to the doctor, will I have to report the dog? It's not the first time he's had a go at me, but it is the first time he's made contact.

I'm kind of scared of the dog an can't stand being around it or even have DD in the same room - and I'm normally a massive dog person.

Aside from a banging headache I'm ok, I've cleaned it up and taken some ibuprofen, it's a bit swollen and bruised but I think it'll be ok.

Any ideas on how to handle this?

fubbsy Fri 04-Jan-13 13:39:14

It's a way of avoiding talking about the real issue. You want to talk about DD's safety and dog training, they divert the conversation by bringing up this big scarey thing.

MTBMummy Fri 04-Jan-13 13:40:44

I hadn't seen it like that - very good point

DontmindifIdo Fri 04-Jan-13 17:49:09

yep, you then have to say "I don't want the dog put to sleep either" and now the conversation is about that, not about how they have allowed their pet to badly hurt their DIL and their DGD.

If she starts on about not wanting the dog put to sleep just answer with "Well, if you really mean that they you either have to keep the dogs on your property at all times with no visitors, or you're going to have to deal with the bad behaviour, because if it bites someone outside the home and family it's not going to be your choice."

MTBMummy Tue 15-Jan-13 10:05:49

Just wanted to pop on and give you all a small update, I heard via SIL, that the PIL's have been in touch with a behaviorist that SIL recommended, she knows her stuff so I trust SIL's judgement on this.

They haven't been to see her or had any classes, but have picked up the phone and spoken to the behaviorist. We're supposed to be meeting them at the end of this month (with dogs of course) but I don't see how they expect that to go ahead when they only have 2 weeks to sort their dogs out.

Just to add it came up in conversation with DP that he "couldn't believe his mom had actually come to the door with the dogs expecting them to be let in" I think he now gets it, and sees that I'm not BU. He's actually suggested that there's no point in meeting the PIL's as they wont have had time to do anything to alter the dogs behavior.

One thing I wanted to ask for advice on, if anyone is still following this thread, a friend suggested muzzling the dogs when we're around, I've never had to muzzle a dog (well over 10 years ago) are they distressing for the dogs, if it's one that still allows them to eat and drink?

oldraver Tue 15-Jan-13 10:15:51

My parents used to use a soft muzzle on their dog in the past...Its a long time ago and I cant remember why as I hadn't seen the dog show any signs of being bitey but DS was very young and the dog excitable and untrained.

It didnt seem to do him any harm. I'm no expert

DontmindifIdo Tue 15-Jan-13 11:58:49

I think you need to refuse to go and refuse to take DD to this meeting if the dogs will be there. Could you compromise of meeting for lunch somewhere (ideally a restaurant where it's clear the dogs won't be allowed in!) - they can leave the dogs for a few hours at least, can't they?

notfarmingatthemo Tue 15-Jan-13 12:12:54

My friend has one of these her dog can drink with it on. She uses it when she has people round that the dog doesn't know it stops him nippy people/kids. Her dog can get over excited. The dogs seams happy with it on. In fact I think he is happier with it on than not on

SpicyPear Tue 15-Jan-13 12:46:36

A muzzle need not be distressing if the dog is slowly introduced to it and trained to accept it. Just shoving one onto a dog that has never worn one before could, depending on the dog, be very stressful for them though. It would stop someone getting hurt, but might actually make the dog's behaviour worse if it is not introduced very carefully.

MTBMummy Tue 15-Jan-13 14:00:23

I think as with all dog related things, slow and steady is the way to go, I'm going to suggest a muzzle and see what they think.

I'm really not keen on meeting up with them, and no they don't go any where without their dogs, they just expect people to be happy with the fact that their dogs go where ever they do.

They'll be traveling a good few hours to meet us, we'll be staying at a Centre Parc and although we've said that dogs are allowed in the park, they have to be on lead, which was viewed as unacceptable, so we're now going to have to traipse off somewhere to meet them for lunch, and interrupt our holiday, which is for my side of the family as my mom passed away at the end of last year and this is a break we're doing because we had planned to do it with her, and we all need some down time to relax.

There is a part of me that just wants to rant about them and their dogs, but I know it's not going to achieve anything, so I'm desperately trying to remain calm and reasonable.

NaturalBaby Tue 15-Jan-13 14:54:54

If you're going on holiday for your side of the family then I wouldn't meet up with your IL's at all. It sounds like you need a holiday!

SpicyPear Tue 15-Jan-13 15:21:57

They won't even put leads on them? Oh for goodness sake.

Stop being nice about it and bending over backwards to accommodate this madness! They chose to have dogs and restrict their access to people and places. You really have made more than enough effort for them.

MTBMummy Tue 15-Jan-13 16:51:19

I really do need a break, it was a crap end to the year last year, and this year hasn't been much better so far. But anytime I take for myself is seen as being selfish. (but that's another long post in itself)

They will use leads mainly when walking on roads because the dogs are terrified of cars, but as soon as they're in a field they're off teh lead, even though they have no recall at all.

A few years ago, we went for a walk with them locally, but explained the dogs couldn't go off lead due to all the young sheep, MIL had such a moan about it, but we couldn't take them to the meadow as the one dog has a real thing for balls, and will just chase off after one, no matter what, it's embarrassing really to be out with them and the dogs.

5Foot5 Tue 15-Jan-13 17:03:49

Yikes! What sort of dog owner thinks it is OK to let their pets off the lead when there are young sheep around shock

metimeatlast Tue 15-Jan-13 17:44:26

MTB, wow, having read your post, WTF are your inlaws playing at?????
To cut a long story short, in november of last year, my 11 year old dog, who was of the nicest nature ever, very well behaved, much loved and had been a part of the family since she was 6/8 weeks old...Unprovoked attacked and bit my daughter in the face. On the advice of the doctor who treated my daughter, and the vets who had always treated and dealt with our dog, she was very sadly PTS that same evening. The vets advice was that once a dog bites somebody in the face, they mean to harm. Some 10 weeks on, my 3.3 DD still has the scares of the 5 teeth marks one her cheek which was extremely close to the eye. DD is un-phazed by what happened, yet every time i walk past any dog, on a leash or not my heart goes into my mouth. Bobby dogs is very sadly missed, and we have yet to scatter her ashes, but its just to hard and raw to face at the moment. I totally agree with your stance on not being near these dogs, nor would i allow them into my home!! and to think that your PIL are even considering taking them to centre parcs?? where there will be people happily going about their business? noisey excited children playing?? that is just a pure sin and a disaster waiting to happen!!! Im so sorry that both you and your DD were attacked by these dogs, but please please for the safety of yourselves and all of the people going on their holidays do not allow PIL to enter the centre parc!

We are a very doggy friendly family, and always have been, but the safety of humans MUST come first

MTBMummy Wed 16-Jan-13 09:22:11

MeTime I'm so sorry to hear about your dog, it's the saddest thing ever when you have to put a dog down.

I definitely will not be allowing them into CP with us, just need to figure out how to get out of meeting them for lunch, if I kick up a fuss I'll be accused of stopping them from seeing DP and DD.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 16-Jan-13 10:04:50

MTBMummy, it sounds to me as if you are being backed into a corner here by manipulative people.

"They'll be traveling a good few hours to meet us" - well so fucking what angry. You are ON HOLIDAY, why do they get to interrupt that? Because that is what they are doing.

" if I kick up a fuss I'll be accused of stopping them from seeing DP and DD."
Who is going to accuse you? Them? They've shown themselves to be fuckwits, their opinions and accusations count for nothing. Your DP? Tell him to get a grip. The only person stopping them from seeing DP/DD are THEM! angry

metimeatlast Wed 16-Jan-13 10:18:52

to be honest i think that no matter what you suggest you will be on a loser, unless they can leave their dogs in a car whilst you eat, it would mean that you and DD are in theirs and the dogs company, would it be possible that you could all meet up at SIL at some time in the future for a family gathering instead? ( surley they would also insist that the dogs stay in the car as their house is full aswel)
You are in much need of a holiday, and you dont want anybody else to spoil that!
Also, personally, i think i would make sure that i looked into skype for you and them (if they are pc literate) to try and make them feel like they are intouch and it would make sure id have to be near those dogs less good luck, its not a position id like to be in hmm

mistlethrush Wed 16-Jan-13 10:29:30

Muzzles: I have a muzzle for my dog. I only use it when she's racing with other lurchers - because lurchers have a tendency to be mouthy, and are very thin skinned, and its much better to avoid any issues. She really doesn't notice it (because she's too busy wanting to chase the lure!). Its not a fabric one - those can constrict the mouth and stop panting (and is the sort the vets used to have to use on another of our past dogs)(although she managed to get it off on occasions) but a basket that sits on top of her nose and gives her plenty of room to pant - if water was deep enough she would be able to drink with it on. Other lurcher and greyhound owners put muzzles on their dogs not because their dogs are vicious, but they are prey driven and some of the small dogs look incredibly similar to the sorts of things they might hunt, and who wants an accident to occur?

I have also seen people with muzzled dogs where the dogs eat anything and everything - to stop them eating disgusting things when out on walks. Again, not because they are vicious.

However, a muzzle will not necessarily stop biting - I know of some people whose dogs have caught a rabbit despite the muzzle. And some dogs are very good at getting them off. A muzzle would make you safer - but it wouldn't mean that you were safe.

BabsAndTheRu Wed 16-Jan-13 10:43:46

I can't believe your PIL's attitude, that is awful. We have a wee border terrier, the kids adore it, but kids being kids give him a hard time through the years. They are disciplined for it and don't do it anymore, but once my eldest fell on him, dog thought he was under attack and tried to bite him. I was distraught and phoned the vet in tears to ask advice about rehoming, the vet was fantastic, really caring. Suggested a muzzle, which we tried and it worked a treat, could you suggest to your PIL's that they use a muzzle or you won't be back with DD. They have to step up and take responsibility for their dog, you'd think they'd want to protect their grandchild. Good luck, also this is one of those situations where you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings, its unacceptable and they need to know.

Yfronts Wed 16-Jan-13 11:05:02

Put your foot down. Say you don't trust the dogs so want them on a lead - so center parks is a great location. Refuse to entertain meeting them elsewhere.

DontmindifIdo Wed 16-Jan-13 11:24:24

You need to get your DH to tell them that actually you can't interupt your holiday to see them and that until they deal with the dog issues he does'nt want his DD anywhere near the dogs, which if that means he doesn't get to see them, then so be it.

You need to stand firm on this, how much more evidence do you need that these dogs are dangerous? They can chose to put their dogs above their relationship with their DS and DGD, it doesn't follow that you and yoru DH have to make the dogs a priority at all. They might want to take the dogs everywhere, but they don't have to, so you can point blankly refuse to have anything to do with them when the dogs are around. The way they live their lives is their choice.

Grapesoda Wed 16-Jan-13 11:32:01

Your ILs are being ridiculous.
You've offered to meet them at CP. if that's not good enough then they don't get to meet up.
It will be good practice for you and DP being assertive and for ILs toeing the line.

Bibs123 Wed 16-Jan-13 12:42:58

I had this issue with my SIL's dog the other day, we were only visiting for the day but the dog was snarling everytime my DD aged 15 months walked past. SIL did NOTHING and made comments that her dog would never bite, despite the noise. I believe that a dog is growling as a warning and was not prepared to risk letting the dog bite my DD. As SIL did not react, I sat down in front of the dog to stop my daughter going anywhere near it. I also cut the visit short as I felt uncomfortable with the dog being there and annoyed that she didn't put it in another room. The doctors will not ask about reprting the dog, in fact no action could be taken without the owners consent as the dog is in its own house/on private land. I think dog owners should take more responsibility for their dogs behaviour, if it is aggresive, it should be locked away from visitors.

CalamityKate Wed 16-Jan-13 14:04:23

I taught my dog to accept a muzzle because when she was young she would steal grooming brushes when we visited my mates yard. I used a clicker and she would quite happily dive her nose into it after a few sessions, and after that putting the muzzle on became a signal that she was going to get to go out and play with my mates dog.

I hate the soft ones but the basket ones that they can pant/drink while wearing are ok. You just need to check for rubbing frequently.

Honestly you're far too nice. These people are away with the fairies!

CalamityKate Wed 16-Jan-13 14:15:50


No idea if that will work, trying to post a link to great article...

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