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PIL dog - advice please

(267 Posts)
MTBMummy Fri 28-Dec-12 20:19:03

We're currently visiting the in laws for Xmas an their dog has just gone for me, u bent downto give him a sausage and he went for my face - punctured my eyelid and caused a blood blister and a lot of bruising - I'll be getting one of them to take me to the doctor tomorrow morning, they're very rural, and everyone has had a bit too much to drink, so cannot drive.

This in itself is bad enough, but the dog shortly after snapped at dd and hurt her hand - he did not draw blood, but obviously scared her.

My question is how do I handle this - in laws are brushing it under the carpet - I've not been able to speak to DP alone since it happened. But I just want to leave, I am worried about going to the doctor, will I have to report the dog? It's not the first time he's had a go at me, but it is the first time he's made contact.

I'm kind of scared of the dog an can't stand being around it or even have DD in the same room - and I'm normally a massive dog person.

Aside from a banging headache I'm ok, I've cleaned it up and taken some ibuprofen, it's a bit swollen and bruised but I think it'll be ok.

Any ideas on how to handle this?

CalamityKate Wed 16-Jan-13 14:21:46

Ooh wonder if I can make it clickable?! (Playing on iPad)

CalamityKate Wed 16-Jan-13 14:23:11

The Curse Of The Good Dog

CalamityKate Wed 16-Jan-13 14:24:28

Bibs123 you need to get your sis to read that! Not that it sounds as if her dog is particularly tolerant anyway.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers Wed 16-Jan-13 20:35:11

How about a dog gate or child gate separating you and your child from the dog at all times?

MTBMummy Thu 17-Jan-13 08:19:50

Thanks for the replies everyone, just going to read the link.

Well I have planted the seed of having muzzles, but no great surprise PIL's are not keen, they worry that it will oppress the dog (I mean seriously? WTAF)

DP is trying to convince them not to come to meet us, but they're every stubborn.

The thing that I find so funny, is that they are the strictest parents I have ever met, and I know the first dog was bought as a child substitute, but they have not disciplined them at all.

MTBMummy Thu 17-Jan-13 08:22:47

The dog gate thing sadly won't work, we already have to keep the gate up in the kitchen so the cats can come in and eat - but our kitchen in miniscule so we can't spend time in there, and we only have our living room downstairs, and the bedrooms upstairs, so there's really nowhere to put the dogs.

At PIL's house, we'd need probably 3 gates, to cordon off an area, as they're in a bungalow, which is very open plan, and I suspect PIL's would object to the dogs not being able to go into their favorite spots (and if we let the dogs have those, we'd all be shut our in the hall or bedrooms, but it's worth a try and I'll see what they think.

MTBMummy Thu 17-Jan-13 08:27:52

That's an interesting article, because I grew up with dogs, I've always taught DD to be wary/respectful of them, to never just approach them, always ask if you can pet them, and even then, still let the dog sniff and approach you first, and she's really good, even with the neighbours dogs that she see several times a week.

I'm trying to keep this up with DD and trying not to let my concern cloud her view of dogs, I still want a dog for our family, and I don't want DD to be afraid, but I really want to make sure she knows how to treat animals, and that as a human it's her responsibility to look after animals.

mistlethrush Thu 17-Jan-13 09:20:16

Interesting article - and we did that with our last dog and DS. Our last dog was absolutely wonderful with him - but she knew that we were on her side and DS would be prevented from (or immediately told off if he did something, even if accidental) doing anything that wasn't in her best interests. We were also very careful to make sure that he learned how to approach other people's dogs and asked them first before going to stroke them (not easy when you have a very good dog yourself). It has worked, and people now comment on how good he is, which is very positive.

ProphetOfDoom Thu 17-Jan-13 09:39:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca Thu 17-Jan-13 10:14:28

I don't understand why you agreed to meet the inlaws when you are on holiday with your mum, unless your mum really likes their company. I would have stuck to staying within centre parks for lunch if you feel you had to invite them and if they don't want to bring the dogs because they would have to put them on a lead then they don't come. There are very few places you would go for lunch with young kids where they'd allow dogs bouncing around.
Why are you arranging part of your holiday around your inlaws? They are the ones putting their dogs before everyone else. Leave them to their dogs.
Why is your husband finding it so hard to tell his parents that you won't want to leave centre parks as you'll have paid alot of money for it and you'll see them another time when they've trained their dogs but not that week as you'll be busy at centre parks doing stuff. Do your inlaws try and gatecrash all your holidays? I'd stop telling them what you are doing.

MTBMummy Fri 25-Jan-13 11:04:43

Well - DP has tried to talk them out of it, but they're just not listening, so it looks like we'll be seeing them :-( One plus is that I'm hoping there'll be no mobile signal so we won't be able to firm up any plans - and I won't be chasing DP to do it this weekend.

Just to clarify, it's my mums partner and my sister who are joining us as it was my mum who passed away late last year, not my mum who is a widow.

PS does anyone know what the mobile signal is like near Keswick?

MTBMummy Fri 25-Jan-13 11:08:42

Oh and just to add, for those of you who believe in luck - can I ask you to hold thumbs for me on Saturday as I'm going to have various images taken of my eye and have tests done to see if the damage is permanent or if it's still healing (still very fuzzy in that eye)

Cornsyilk99 Fri 25-Jan-13 11:09:40

do not go leave centre parcs to meet them - that's just ridiculous shock

really OP if you weren't so used to their entitled behaviour you would see this demand for what it was.
If they insist on gatecrashing your holiday they should go to you.

Cornsyilk99 Fri 25-Jan-13 11:10:56

Just text them.
We are at centerparcs. There is a starbucks (or whatever). We will meet you there at xxX time and then turn off your mobile.

BlueberryHill Fri 25-Jan-13 11:21:38

Good luck with your eye, hope it is OK. Do your ILs know that you are having tests on it this weekend to see if the damage is permanent. Have you actually had a proper apology from them about this?

Oodsigma Fri 25-Jan-13 15:26:09

Mobile signal v patchy in the area!

Whocansay Fri 25-Jan-13 15:41:25

I don't really understand this 'trying to to talk them out of it' business. Just say no. If your dh is that desperate to see them in the middle of his holiday, he can go on his own. It is unreasonable of them to demand a visit in the middle of your holiday even without the dangerous dog saga.

I'm really sorry about your eye. The fact that their dog may have caused you prolonged damage / pain, makes it all the more shocking. Your dh really needs to relocate his spine and protect his family.

DontmindifIdo Fri 25-Jan-13 16:15:36

I would refuse point blank to go. You are having tests to see if their dog has perminately damaged your eyesight and they still don't give a shit?These people don't actually like you - why would your DH put up with his parents making it clear how little respect for his own DW they have???

If your eyesight is perminately damaged make sure they know - andI'd be telling them you won't be seeing them with the dogs regardless of what training those dogs have ever again. Spell it out to them if that means they will not see their DGD until their dog is dead, so be it, it's their choice. Stand firm, stop compromising, imagine it was your DD who was having tests to see if her eyesight was damaged by this dangerous animal?

Inertia Fri 25-Jan-13 16:42:18

"They're just not listening so it looks like we'll have to meet them".

No. That isn't how it works in families- at least not in families that aren't controlled by selfish gits and their vicious, over- indulged dogs.

You DO NOT have to meet them. Why on earth would you - you are going away with your family. How do you think your mum's partner and your sister are going to feel when you vanish for the day ? FFS, you and DP have to stop giving in to your in-laws. Realistically, what are they going to do ? Comb the whole of Centre Parcs and drag you all to the nearest pub which welcomes savage dogs ? Cut contact ? Fine - you don't want to place yourself or your child in further danger anyway.

Please stop pandering to these people. They are not your only family. And bowing to their demands is not fair on your family who want to spend time with you all after the loss of your mum.

If inlaws were that bothered about seeing you , they'd kennel the dogs for visits, or put them on leads to call in to CP. But it isn't about wanting to spend time with you; it's all about them and the dogs calling the shots and keeping you in your place (i.e. some way below the dog basket, in their view).

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum, and I hope your eye is not permanently damaged - that sounds worrying. But please don't think that a grandmother willing to take risks with your family's safety to avoid inconvenience to her dogs is better than none.

Flisspaps Fri 25-Jan-13 17:09:22

You don't need to meet them.

DP has told them not to come up. Not your fault if they don't listen and make an unnecessary journey.

And if they say you are withholding 'access' to DD and DP(!) then point out that the option to put the dogs on the lead and enter the park to see you was given to them but they declined it.

Bobyan Fri 25-Jan-13 17:20:01

Your Pil and the dogs aren't the problem, your Dh is. He clearly puts them above you or your dd...

MousyMouse Fri 25-Jan-13 17:25:28

don't meet them.
you need your holiday. and they need to get a grip and a trip to the vets for some serious business.

good luck for tomorrow, I hope your eye is fine and there is no permanent damage.

BlueberryHill Sat 26-Jan-13 20:56:29

OP, how is your eye? Hope it has gone well for you today.

Arithmeticulous Sat 26-Jan-13 21:04:35

Shame you left your mobile charger behind when you left for CP, wasn't it.

How did the test go?

TotallyEggFlipped Sat 26-Jan-13 21:06:03

I hope your eye is ok.

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