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AIBU?

AIBU to dislike a child of 6?

88 replies

Boomerwang · 27/12/2012 22:08

I'm battling with myself here because I don't like my niece but I feel weird about it, like she's too young to be disliked by an adult. Do you understand what I mean? Or am I being really unreasonable?

I often think to myself that I wouldn't let my own child do the things my niece does, but it's starting to happen. I don't mean that my niece is influencing my child (who is only 9 months) but that I'm seeing changes I don't like which are similar to what my niece does and I'm wondering if I'm being reasonable to attempt to stop them or if it's too early, as indicated by my niece's behaviour?

As for disliking my niece, I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's just the things she does, which is normal boundary pushing behaviour which she's generally allowed to get away with. So maybe it's not her I dislike, but what I see her do as the result of bad parenting?

Am I odd?

OP posts:

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BiteyWeeFucker · 27/12/2012 22:10

Your niece cannot possibly be influencing your 9 month old. That is ridiculous.

YABU to say you dislike your niece, because she is a child. YANBU to dislike the way she is allowed to behave.

pointysettia · 27/12/2012 22:11

I suspect it is just the way she's been brought up - I found myself not liking the first girl my DD1 made friends with at school because she had a very entitled attitude and threw a major wobbly at DD1's birthday party when I wouldn't buy her something from a vending machine after she'd had cake, food and a seriously good party bag. And she was always like that.

But it wasn't her fault, and I knew that perfectly well. At that age you have to separate the child from the parents.

peaceandlovebunny · 27/12/2012 22:11

take very little notice of your niece and focus on bringing up your own child the best way you can.

everyone has people they like or dislike. don't worry about it.

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 22:11

You're not odd - just honest.

Children are people and no-one likes every person they meet...even if they are related to them.

The best part about this is, because she's only a child she's got a lot of growing and changing to do.

So it's quite likely you'll end up loving her to bits and enjoying her company at some point.

HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 22:12

Some children are dislikable - but it's usually because they have picked up parental influences. Some are just palin nasty though, with lovely parental influences.

LingDiLongMerrilyonHigh · 27/12/2012 22:12

I'm afraid you ARE odd if you think your 9 month old BABY is somehow behaving badly because of your 6 year old niece! How?? I mean....just...how?!

What does your niece do that makes her so unlikeable? I have nieces and nephews who's behaviour I really don't like sometimes but I still love them dearly as there are plenty of positive aspects to their personalities too. Is there really nothing positive about this 6 year old little girl? Really?

Hassled · 27/12/2012 22:12

It's completely reasonable to struggle to find the good in a 6 year old child - they have clearly defined personalities by 6 and sometimes those personalities are just not your cup of tea. It sounds to me that in your case she is more a product of her upbringing and less a not very nice person, though.

I don't understand "I'm seeing changes I don't like which are similar to what my niece does" though - do you mean in your 9 month old? If so, you're being very unreasonable - it's the behaviour you don't like (in which case you're the parent - deal with it), not the personality.

CrazyChristmasLady · 27/12/2012 22:14

YANBU.

I have actually found that I am pretty intolerant to others children. I adore my own obviously but I don't adore everyone elses. I don't show it but I actually don't like most of my friends children. I am actually pretty intolerant of people in general so I guess it isn't actually children that is the problem, but other human beings it is everyone else though and not me.

SmethwickBelle · 27/12/2012 22:15

Kids on show to relatives don't always behave as they normally do. The niece may just be overexcited by the baby or her aunty or just because it's a rather "show and tell" sort of age. So I'd say YABU.

I'm curious as to what your 9 month old "showing signs" of that you think she's got off your niece? I'm guessing it isn't insisting you watch their puppet show for the 99th time

MrsHuxtable · 27/12/2012 22:16

Yanbu. I dislike some of my husband's little cousins. They're brats. However, I do realise that they are the way they are because of their parents.

pourmeanotherglass · 27/12/2012 22:17

You don't have to like other people's children. So long as you can manage to pretend to like them. I used to find my friend's little boy difficult to like when he was 5 or 6 and pushing the boundaries. I quite like him now he's 10.

LingDiLongMerrilyonHigh · 27/12/2012 22:18

I have to say I'm pretty intolerant of people but not of kids...I am yet to find a child that can't make me smile or laugh at some point or has absolutely no irredeemable qualities. Even kids that I could quite cheerfully throttle one minute are capable of making me belly laugh the next. It always surprises me when people talk about not really liking other people's kids; as in really, really not liking them at all.

glamourousgranny42 · 27/12/2012 22:18

YANBU. I contemplated moving because we lived next door to a child from hell. Don't care if it was upbringing or persoanlity she was a cruel, bullying and spiteful little cow. From the age of 4 until 9 she made my sons life hell. Unfortunately for you , your problem is family. I at least could avoid my nemesis. BTW I don't think she will influence your 9 month old

SarahStratton · 27/12/2012 22:18

YABU to think that your 9 mo will be being affected, but I don't think you are to dislike her. It's unpalatable, but some children are unlikable, just like some adults are.

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuluMai · 27/12/2012 22:19

I was about to say yanbu until I read it was your niece... I adore my nieces, it's sad you feel this way about a small child you are related to.

MerylStrop · 27/12/2012 22:20

What is it she does that you dislike?

I disliked a friend's child quite a lot when he was younger, he used to be a bit spiteful and rude. A couple of years on and he's a pleasure to be around, he's sorted out his place in the world and is much happier.

What behaviours are you worried your baby is demonstrating? You realise that could all just be in your head don't you?

Iggly · 27/12/2012 22:25

Your baby is being a baby. She is not being influenced by your niece - if you think to "blame" the niece then YABU. And don't go thinking your baby is somehow deliberately misbehaving. That way lies madness.

I know what you mean about not liking children. I don't like a 6 year old niece's behaviour - she's a bit rude and spoiled. But I don't think my youngest is influenced by her (she's 1)!

pigletmania · 27/12/2012 22:26

Yabu as you haven't really given any reasons why you don't like her. Your dd is a baby she cannot be influenced by a 6 year old . YANBU to think people can dislike a child.

My friends ds s 6 I have ever really warmed to him as he he is quite an angry and spiteful little boy, always, this has gotten worse since starting school. The defining moment came a few months ago when dd 5 ( ASD) was playing in the park friends ds was there with his dad, dd goes up to him and sas hello your my frend, friends ds ets call him joe, says your not my frend, I hate you, and pushed her over. I was so for dd as it took a lot for her to say that. My frend dh was mortfied, got joe to apologise which he practically spat out and was not sincere. Friends dh apologised profusely and took him home immediately.

So really Ian not keen on this by is an understatement. Love my friend and her dh they are lovely. They have an older dd ho is great, and she is brilliant with dd. I never let in though of my feelings just keep them to myself

amillionyears · 27/12/2012 22:27

2 questions.
How many hours per day or week is your 6 year old niece with your child. tbh, I cant see that even if it was a couple of hours daily, that she would really make any difference.

Also, and I think this may be nearer the truth, does you daughter inherently have some of the personality traits of your DD. And maybe you dont like this? They are blood relatives. I dont know if she is your siblings child, or your partner's siblings child.

ArielInTheBath · 27/12/2012 22:27

The OP clearly states -

I don't mean that my niece is influencing my child (who is only 9 months)

The OP's should be read more closely before commenting tbh.

MaryChristmaZEverybody · 27/12/2012 22:27

You don't have to like her. But you are an adult, so you have to behave as though you like her. Anything else would be unforgiveable.

Having said that, I have found that the only children I have never not liked have been the children of adults that I also don't like.

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pigletmania · 27/12/2012 22:28

I hope meryl tat my friends ds can do this in the future

TheSecondComing · 27/12/2012 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LingDiLongMerrilyonHigh · 27/12/2012 22:30

Ariel, if we're going to be pedantic, OP stands for Original Poster so how can the rest of us be OPs?

The OP does give the impression that she thinks her 9 month old is behaving badly (how?!) due to her niece...it is a little confusing.

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