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To think DH is out of order telling DD 'you look like you've really slimmed down'

(18 Posts)
numbum Thu 27-Dec-12 19:43:41

She's just SIX sad. She 'fattens' up a bit when she's about to have a growth spurt but now she's shot up so has slimmed down again.

I don't know if I'm taking it to heart more than I should because I was always told I was too fat as a child and I now have huge emotional issues surrounding food. So I am throwing it out to the MN jury.

I avoid talking about weight around my DC as much as possible so for DH to say that to DD has wound me up.

So, AIBU or is he?

SminkoPinko Thu 27-Dec-12 19:46:40

He is. I would be livid. This is the sort of stuff that does emotional damage, imo. Have you discussed it with him?

peaceandlovebunny Thu 27-Dec-12 19:46:56

he is unreasonable and will make her conscious of her size in an unhealthy way.

GlaikitFizzogTheChristmasElf Thu 27-Dec-12 19:47:15

He is! I completely agree with you and I have weight issues after my mum constantly referred to my puppy fat as a child.

In his defence he probably hasn't even thought about what he said and the potential issues in it.

Have a chat with him.

MrsHoarder Thu 27-Dec-12 19:47:51

He is. Very much so. That way a lifetime of good issues lies.

ItsaTIARA Thu 27-Dec-12 19:51:38

Don't go off on one, he was probably just stating a fact with no particular intent, just have a quiet word with him

numbum Thu 27-Dec-12 19:52:29

I held back from reacting at the time because I didnt know if my issues were clouding my judgement (hence posting here). She was getting dressed at the time and looked down at herself, shrugged and carried on getting dressed.

I will have a word with him now I know it's not just me

redskyatnight Thu 27-Dec-12 19:56:01

Blimey. I say that to my DC all the time. It's quite normal for them to have sudden growth spurts and really get slim. I'd say it in the same way that I'd mention their hair was getting long. Only likely to give your DD hangups if you start obsessing about it hmm?

OddBoots Thu 27-Dec-12 20:01:30

It really depends on his tone. Commenting on a normal growth pattern is something lots of parents do without causing harm be that the growth you describe, hair length, foot size or whatever. If a value judgement is attributed then that is when harm is done.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 27-Dec-12 20:03:37

I agree with redsky actually, it is all getting a bit obsessive and over-intense. If there's no negative connotation applied then there's no need for angst from anybody, least of all your - and HIS - daughter.

I think that unless you're going to cosset your child all its life and protect it from every possible mean comment, it's better to have an open and amiable discussion about everything under the sun, which includes weight, dimensions, size - and not allow anybody or anything to give anybody hang-ups about it.

The secrecy and "OMG-ness" relating to weight is getting well out of hand - and it's not making people any slimmer, is it? On the contrary, they're getting fatter. Better that children know all about these things in the proper context and file it away accordingly.

Please don't make this an issue for your child - or for your husband - that you have the veto on what's said and isn't, either.

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas Thu 27-Dec-12 20:35:17

Not good but you need to remain calm when speaking to him. He's more likely to listen to reason that way.

FWIW my DS used to be the same way. He'd have a stocky build then shoot up and then be slim.

Rhubarbgarden Thu 27-Dec-12 21:04:11

I agree with RedSky too. Fwiw not everyone gets affected by comments like that. My mother was constantly rude about my appearance throughout my childhood/teens and it never bothered me in the slightest. I just shrugged it off as your daughter has (and my mother's comments were far worse).

WorraLorraTurkey Thu 27-Dec-12 21:07:18

Weight is not a taboo subject in this house and nor should it be imo.

People gain and lose weight...that's a fact of life.

I think it's unhealthy the amount of people who never discuss weight, like it's a 'dirty little secret' or something.

Why not just normalise it instead of getting all het up about eating and emotional issues?

ErikNorseman Thu 27-Dec-12 21:28:44

I agree with worra. Chill.

Fakebook Thu 27-Dec-12 21:34:55

I don't really see the problem. My Dd's had a growth spurt and has gone a bit slim and I have casually mentioned it whilst bathing her. DH doesn't notice things like that but even if he did, I wouldn't really care. It's not like we're going to start force feeding her fat chops and butter to make her put on weight.

ThePinkOcelot Thu 27-Dec-12 21:38:23

When I read the title of your thread, I thought you were being unreasonable, as I thought perhaps your dd had come home for xmas or something. However, a 6 year old?! He is definitely being unreasonable! My dd is 8 and is a bit "podgy" at the moment, and I would be livid if anyone said anything to her about her weight. At 6 and 8, their weight should certainly not be on their minds.

WorraLorraTurkey Thu 27-Dec-12 21:41:15

Her weight wasn't on her mind...it was on her Dad's mind for a fleeting second.

He mentioned it, she shrugged and carried on getting dressed.

That's exactly as it should be - no big deal just a natural fact of life.

EllenParsons Thu 27-Dec-12 21:42:11

Yanbu. I would not like that comment either

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