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To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

(814 Posts)
Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:07:10

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 27-Dec-12 14:37:21

InNeed sounds like you don't need one smile

In my day to day life I generally don't need my car,I live very close to the city centre. It is handy for visiting my family though as they don't live particularly close to me and currently driving my car is cheaper than getting the bus shock

Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:37:32

because very few people only need to go to work and back. If you have to rely on public transport or lifts, then you are limiting group meet ups to places on the bus route or giving you a lift, it has to be factored in by everyone else. While you could get a taxi to/from the pub so you don't need a lift, you can also never "take it in turns" to do the driving. You can never be the one to take granny to the hospital, never be the one who gets called at 3am because how would you get there when the buses aren't running etc.

It's not that you have to ask for lifts, the assumption is that a driver will offer. [QUOTE]

Thank you Don'tmind

You have summed up exactly what I meant.

FestiveElement Thu 27-Dec-12 14:38:12

I'm sure lots of people would be willing to give up their cars if public transport was better, more reliable and less expensive. But that's never going to happen, so people will understandably keep their cars.

I have to have a car because I work in the middle of nowhere and there is shite public transport where I live. On the occasions where I could use public transport, I choose not to because it is more expensive. I live about an hour outside London, and we frequently take the dc into London. It is much much cheaper to pay for the petrol and parking, even in central London, than it is for a family of four to take the train.

LineRunner Thu 27-Dec-12 14:39:23

Bit over the top. What about situations where the driving sibling has to do all the ferrying around of an elderly parent; can't help out with lifts and stuff when a relative is in hospital and so on. It's not just about looking for lifts; it's about not being able to help out in a crisis.

What about siblings and relatives who have moved away or who emigrated? Should they all return to the home town in case an elderly relative needs a lift?

BunFagFreddie Thu 27-Dec-12 14:40:08

I don't understand this designted driver for a night out. People I know usually all chip in for a taxi so everyone can drink.

SantasENormaSnob Thu 27-Dec-12 14:40:48

Brandybutter, so you expect your family to give you lifts or go to you or you won't see them? hmm


DizzyHoneyBee Thu 27-Dec-12 14:40:49

I find it annoying when people choose not to drive for no good reason, for example somebody I used to know in their 30s who had passed their driving test and then decided that they didn't want to drive. I used to get asked a lot to give her lifts places.

usualsuspect3 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:41:02

What if you can't afford to run a car?

Should you get into debt in case your old nan needs a lift to the hospital?

Lueji Thu 27-Dec-12 14:41:07

You can never be the one to take granny to the hospital, never be the one who gets called at 3am because how would you get there when the buses aren't running etc.


But there are other things that non-drivers can do for families, I'm sure. :-)
Like having granny at home while she recovers from hospital.

SugarplumMary Thu 27-Dec-12 14:41:12


We don't drive because of money.

However IL were PITA first few years of us being a parent - honestly it was horrible. We could of then started driving as we did had money in savings then and more time- but transport was good we were in a city and why have something else they could be demanding about.

Now I'd be happy to tell them no now - DH still doesn't want to drive - he cites money and his accident and a close call car accident as a DC but I suspect saying no to his parents wanting driving round is still a factor in there somewhere . Now however there isn’t the money for lessons, insurance and buying a car and we still manage well without.

usualsuspect3 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:41:57

I walk to see my mum, you know, with my legs and everything.

wendybird77 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:42:12

I was that person that didn't drive until I needed to when I had DS1 and was no longer commuting to London. It was a giant PITA not to have a car when I was on maternity - couldn't get to NCT meet ups as no public transport to some places. Also mooched off a friend for lifts (she always offered, but I could never return the favour). Now have a friend who has given up her car for environmental reasons, but is always after rides for her and her kids or complains if people suggest a meet up somewhere she can't get to easily. PITA. IMHO having been on both sides YANBU. Obviously though, it doesn't make sense for everyone.

cinnamonnut Thu 27-Dec-12 14:42:14

YAB COMPLETELY bloody unreasonable. And to another poster, there is nothing "wrong" with people who learn later or not at all.

I'm an adult and plan to learn as and when I need to - which I don't at the moment!

Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:42:38


There is a thread on here about people not reading the OP properly before posting. I suggest you read it.

Enigmosaurus Thu 27-Dec-12 14:43:07


We cannot possibly afford driving lessons for me, the cost of theory and practical tests, the cost of a second car, insurance and fuel for it.

Much as I would LOVE to be able to drive, it is impossible at this point in time for me to be able to do so.

snowtunesgirl Thu 27-Dec-12 14:43:16

I don't drive because I live in London and it's too expensive and it would be quicker to take public transport.

OP, YOU are BU, if you're fed up, tell your sibling to take a taxi.

usualsuspect3 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:43:21

I suggest you get off your high horse.

OddBoots Thu 27-Dec-12 14:43:36

It isn't the lack of driving that is a problem, it is the expectation of lifts or that arrangements should revolve around them because they don't drive.

Provided people who want a lift not a taxi/bus/train ask politely for lifts and accept a 'no' if it's given then pay fair petrol money or pay back the favour in another way then they're not being a nuisance.

As far as elderly relatives and the like go, there are other ways to help out so hopefully non-drivers can send food or deal with paperwork instead.

Ifyoulike Thu 27-Dec-12 14:43:39

I'm afraid of driving, had a very bizarre incident many years ago where my mother was trying to teach me, I was crawling alongside a kerb looking for a parking spot, and a child (about 8) suddenly stepped out in front of me. He looked at me and froze, I looked at him and froze, the car was still creeping/crawling forward.

I went into some weird head-space where it was like I was under water and couldn't move. My mum was yelling "Brakes, step on the brakes!", but I wasn't moving, and all I could see was this kid's eyes staring into mine, while the car was still moving forward until it bumped into him and began pushing him forward with his hands on the hood.

Luckily suddenly snapped out of it and hit the brakes, and the kid walked off just fine, but it triggered a very deep and real fear that I simply might not be capable enough of driving without being dangerous and hurting someone.

I live in an area where public transport can get me everywhere, and I do try very hard not to inconvenience anyone (never expect lifts etc and always make own arrangements), but just really not sure I have it in me to drive... I'm not sure it would be a good thing to try and pressure everyone into it either (some people just aren't safe, and know it).

MammaTJ Thu 27-Dec-12 14:43:56

I don't drive but the only person whos drinking it limits, which is a good thing it inconveniences is my DP!! grin

Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:44:04

I still suggest you read the post properly.

usualsuspect3 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:45:03

I did read it, you are saying us non drivers are a pain. I disagree,it's the way of AIBU.

crashdoll Thu 27-Dec-12 14:45:50

There are some very patronising people on here making sweeping statements such as; non drivers expect arrangements to fit around them. Maybe you just have entitled, selfish friends and should consider looking for new ones?

Megan74 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:46:38


This is a real bug bear of mine. Fine if you don't expect lifts but otherwise very annoying. None of DHs family drive and all all live in the arse end of no where so on the rare occasion we visit, not only do we spend 6 hours getting to them by car but then have to ferry them about so we can all be in the same room. They never visit us as they "can't drive" or bother themselves to book a train. Grrrrr.

Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:46:45

Yes, Usual but I did specify I wasnt talking about people where financial circumstances proscribed it.

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