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AIBU?

to expect my husband to stay with me for two days straight?

23 replies

Mimulet · 27/12/2012 11:30

I did expect my other half to stay with me for xmas and boxing day, but he decided to go to the pub last night. This he does every day normally. Why can't I have him at home for just two days? We do get on, but this is testing my loyalty after 34 years of marriage.

OP posts:

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SirSugar · 27/12/2012 11:33

Could you have gone with him?

SanctuaryMoon · 27/12/2012 11:36

Did he know what was expected of him?

Mimulet · 27/12/2012 11:36

Yes I could but there were still members of the family at home, and I thought it would be rude to leave. Clearly my other half does not. PS he only just got out of bed too! Sorry to rant on, M

OP posts:

Mimulet · 27/12/2012 11:37

He knows after all this time what I would like, but chooses to ignore it. Oh well I'm sort of over it now but wanted another's take on it, thanks

OP posts:

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 27/12/2012 11:40

Well he's not going to change now, so you either have to accept that he will always prefer the pub to your company, or decide that you have had enough and consider separating. IF he's been like this for 34 years then he thinks that your complaints about his pubgoing are just 'womanwhining' and part of the fabric of life, and that he can ignore them because you won't actually take any action.

AgentProvocateur · 27/12/2012 11:41

You sound resigned to him taking the piss by going to the pub every day. I presume he has other redeeming features? Even after 34 years if marriage, you can decide to make changes in your life.

FestiveElement · 27/12/2012 11:44

So he did stay in with you on Christmas Day but went to the pub for a little while last night?

I'm not seeing the problem tbh.

He wants to go out, you want him to stay in. I'm not sure why you think your wants should come ahead of his when its about what he is doing. It's not doing any harm, try not to make it into a bigger problem than it actually is. It's only an issue because you think he's ignoring what you wanted, but by expecting him to stay in, you are ignoring what he wants equally as much.

I don't think it was rude of him to go if the other family members were invited to go if they wanted to.

strumpetpumpkin · 27/12/2012 11:45

he goes to the pub every single day? Why? For the whole evening, or an afternoon drink, or all day or what?

BerryChristmas · 27/12/2012 11:47

Oh well I'm sort of over it now - If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've got !!!!!

This ^ OP

Mimulet · 27/12/2012 11:49

he goes after work about 6 and stays until 11 as its a private club. he works on the door on fridays and parties, and being club secretary helps to run it. i am not bothered by alcohol and often think i am a party pooper but if he goes every day for several hours, i think i am justified in asking for a little attention at xmas.

OP posts:

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 27/12/2012 11:53

I don't get these threads. Your dh has done the same things for many years now you decide you are annoyed? Tell him.

Although I don't get what the issue is with him going to the pub you had guests. How much attention was he going to give you while guests were there.

CecilyP · 27/12/2012 12:00

Presumably they were the guests of both OP and her DH, (rather than her own personal friends for a girls' night in) so she was left to entertain them on her own. It is a bit much leaving your guests to go to the pub. But if he has been doing it for 34 years, I doubt if he will change now.

orangeandlemons · 27/12/2012 12:05

My dh played football for 5 hours yesterday.....

CecilyP · 27/12/2012 12:06

Fair enough, but was it something previously arranged with the all the other players or did he just suddenly go out on a whim?

Pandemoniaa · 27/12/2012 12:06

I don't want to sound unsympathetic but the time to make a stand about this has long past.

I used to be married to someone who had to spend part of every day in the pub. Once we'd had ds1 I kind of assumed he'd change the habits of a lifetime. However, what I should have done was less assuming and more tackling the issue face to face right then.

If your dh has been happily taking himself off to the pub every day and you've been enabling this then it's going to be well nigh impossible to put your foot down now. Although in fairness, having a drink on Boxing Day night isn't the crime of the century.

What does he say when tell him that you'd rather spend Christmas and Boxing Day at home with you and the family?

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 27/12/2012 12:07

She didn't want him there for the guests. She wanted him there to give her attention. How much attention could he give her while they are entertaining?

CecilyP · 27/12/2012 12:08

Surely it would be a bit of both.

moondog · 27/12/2012 12:11

He spends 5 hours a day in a pub?
35 hours a week?
How much does he spend on booze?
Does her come home pissed?

God, I am appalled and yet fascinated.

orangeandlemons · 27/12/2012 12:11

No he told me ages ago. I was pissedoff then and am still pissed off now. However he thinks I am unreasonable

tzella · 27/12/2012 12:16

If this is suddenly getting to you I bet other things are too. Does his nose whistle when he breathes? Chew loudly? Fart? Never do washing up or laundry?

Perhaps it's time to leave and have a new start. 34 years is ages.

samandi · 27/12/2012 14:21

Has he done this for 34 years? I wouldn't have married him in the first place. Don't understand these threads.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 27/12/2012 15:46

How much leisure time do youget, OP? That is, time not taken up by household chores or childcare (though I suppose that after 34 years of marriage you no longer have small children in need of care). Have you always had a 'traditional' marriage in which the man does what he wants as long as he brings home a wage?

It's not that I think you should just suck it up and go on sucking it up, more that your options are accept him as he is or leave, because telling him to change his behaviour now is going to have little or no effect as he will feel that you have accepted it for this long, why should he take any notice of you suddenly getting a bee in your bonnet?

Also, has something else changed to make it upset you more than it has done in the past?

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BRANdishingMistletoe · 27/12/2012 17:30

When you say that you "do get on", perhaps you don't get on as well as you think you do. It sounds as though you don't actually spend very much time together. My H probably thinks we get on, but we had to come home a day early because in fact I can't stand being near him for more than 30 mins at a time (I said we should come back because it was raining, but I would have made up some other excuse if the weather had been good).

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