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To be mad with my friend and want to end our friendship altogether ?

(234 Posts)
thingsthatrhymewithorange Wed 26-Dec-12 14:27:34

My friend has had three terminations in the past 5 years.
After each one she has said she never wants to go through it again
She hasn't waited to have sex for the 2 weeks your supposed to, to prevent infection the past two times, therefore risking getting pg again.

She phoned last week to say she thinks she may be pg again as she has been having unprotected sex since she came off the injection about six months ago.

I wanted to hang up on her I was so angry. She's an idiot and i cant be arsed with her anymore.

WIBU of me to try and drift away from her She's been such a twat I don't know if i can hold my tongue any longer. So its either say what i think and loose the friendship or try and distance myself and save the arguement.

HollyBerryBush Wed 26-Dec-12 14:31:49

Abortion for some people is a form of birth control angry

I don't think I could be friends with someone so feckless and irrresponsible.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 26-Dec-12 14:33:24

No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'm absolutely pro-choice and it is a woman's body, BUT decent women don't use abortion as a family planning method and I don't have any respect for a woman that continues to use it as if it were. It makes me mad - so many women who have abortions are in bits; women like your friend (and my former friend) really must have something missing. I'd walk away - and let her know why.

ceebie Wed 26-Dec-12 14:35:17

I agree with everything LyingWitch said

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 26-Dec-12 14:35:24

YANBU

Agree with every word LyingWitch said.

Uppermid Wed 26-Dec-12 14:35:54

Yanbu

inkonapin Wed 26-Dec-12 14:37:25

It sounds like she would benefit from some therapy, as normally healthy people don't do this, on the whole. But its not up to you to provide it and if you feel very strongly I don't think you wbu to keep your distance/tell her how you feel. I am very strongly pro-choice and wholeheartedly support her choice to abort an unwanted foetus. However, people do need to take responsibility for themselves and I would find this difficult to stomach. There is a reason shes doing this and I hope she seeks the help she needs

hopkinette Wed 26-Dec-12 14:37:34

I don't understand what it is that you object to.

BunFagFreddie Wed 26-Dec-12 14:38:04

Idk, is she emotionally leeching off you everytime this happens? If so, YANBU. It also depends on your own views on abortion, everyone is perfectly entitled to their own set of moral values.

Personally, if she was my friend I would think she was a bit of a dick, but would consider it her business and try to give support. Unless I was the go-to friend for endless emotional bolstering. Then it would probably start to wear a bit thin and I might have to give her a blunt version of my opinion (for her own good more than anything else).

CailinDana Wed 26-Dec-12 14:38:38

It sounds like she's not entirely well mentally. People who put themselves in danger over and over are usually crying out for something.

BTW in my view either you're in favour of abortion on demand in which case it is absolutely up to every woman how many abortions she has, or you're not. To claim to be pro-choice and then to get angry about women using that choice is extremely hypocritical. I'm not sure why you think it's not "decent" to have multiple abortions Lying - do you consider abortion a shameful thing?

YouOldTinsellySlag Wed 26-Dec-12 14:40:44

YANBU. She is a fool. Terminations are not to be carried out lightly. I had to have one for medical reasons and emotionally, it half killed me.

If you can't reason with someone who as unreasonable as this then I would end the friendship too.

I am 100% pro choice, but I am also 100% common sense and birth control! She is risking STIs too.

thingsthatrhymewithorange Wed 26-Dec-12 14:41:19

I honestly don't think she cares. She really struggled to understand why I couldn't go through with one when I got pg the third time. I just couldn't face it and was shown little sympathy from her during my third pregnancy that I was extremely unhappy about because she says I had the chance to get rid of it sad

peaceandlovebunny Wed 26-Dec-12 14:41:45

avoid her. why not?

AKissIsNotAContract Wed 26-Dec-12 14:41:52

I agree with cailin. I don't see how you can be pro choice but then judge the way in which women exercise their choice.

SantasENormaSnob Wed 26-Dec-12 14:43:23

Yanbu

hopkinette Wed 26-Dec-12 14:44:07

She really struggled to understand why I couldn't go through with one when I got pg the third time. I just couldn't face it and was shown little sympathy from her during my third pregnancy that I was extremely unhappy about because she says I had the chance to get rid of it

I think YWNBU to end your friendship because of her inability to respect the way you were feeling.

YouOldTinsellySlag Wed 26-Dec-12 14:44:56

BTW in my view either you're in favour of abortion on demand in which case it is absolutely up to every woman how many abortions she has, or you're not. To claim to be pro-choice and then to get angry about women using that choice is extremely hypocritical.

I disagree. I am pro choice, but anti using abortion as birth control when we have abundant choices in front of us, free of charge. Yes it's every woman's right to choose, but to choose to do this instead of birth control is foolish and wasteful.

Having had a termination myself, I am at a loss as to how anyone could put themselves through it by choice i.e choosing not to use birth control. Having one is horrible.

She still has a right to choose, and I respect that, but I don't have to admire it.

CailinDana Wed 26-Dec-12 14:45:47

It sounds like you mutually lack understanding of one another - you can't understand how she can have so many abortions, she can't understand how you can't have one. Lack of empathy for one another is not a good basis for friendship.

HollaAtMeSanta Wed 26-Dec-12 14:48:04

Agree with YouOldTinsellySlag - rights come with responsibilities. The right to end a pregnancy entails the responsibility not to be reckless about contraception.

OP, YANBU. I say drift on.

YouOldTinsellySlag Wed 26-Dec-12 14:49:24

was shown little sympathy from her during my third pregnancy that I was extremely unhappy about because she says I had the chance to get rid of it

That would end a friendship for me.

thingsthatrhymewithorange Wed 26-Dec-12 14:50:10

It's not something I could do but I totally understand why women have terminations. Each one of my pregnancy's have been unplanned/unwanted but I never could do it. I got to the point of the nurse putting the tablet on the table and just couldn't do it sad so I totally understand and the need for it.

But to be so reckless to have to keep going back is shameful.

I don't buy into the 'if you support abortion then why should the amount matter'
That is frankly, bullshit.

MrsFlibble Wed 26-Dec-12 14:52:05

Im also pro choice, but i havent no respect for people who cant be arsed or too stupid to take action to stop pregnancies, i know someone who had a termination and she felt horrifically guilty and was worried about her chances of getting pregnant later right up to her actually getting pregnant last year.

CailinDana Wed 26-Dec-12 14:52:29

So, you are exactly in the same positions (multiple unplanned pregnancies) but you went through with them and she didn't, and you judge her for that? Is that right?

thingsthatrhymewithorange Wed 26-Dec-12 14:53:26

We have been friends for 12 years so that's why it's hard for me.

MrsFlibble Wed 26-Dec-12 14:57:00

Calin the point Op is making is after feeling bad about the first, she still didnt learn and then kept having more and risking infection.

Also not unplanned, more unprevented, unplanned is more had protection didnt work, unprevented is just being careless and not using protection.

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