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ABIU to want to stab vulgar fry up loving in-laws?

(259 Posts)
Daisyduckling Wed 26-Dec-12 01:37:04

Basically apologies for a huge rant, but it's either this or DH's mother is kicked out of the house in the middle of the night.

MIL and FIL have always made it clear they despise me and my family, but somehow because they want to "protect," DH and my children from me, and they nomally live a ( healthy,) distance away, it has become a tradition that starting xmas eve, they will stay a week to ten days with the family to spend the "christmas season," with us. They never ask if it is a problem,just phone DH, to tell him what time he will need to pick them up from the statio. However it is problem for me, and issues arising today have particuarly wound me up. In no particular order:

1) DH and i have no problem with smokers, however ask people to smoke in the garden if they are staying in the house. MIL is used to smoking inside, and will always try and light up when i'm not looking, ( e.g. in another room cooking xmas dinner.) Today arguement started when i found out she asked dd (9,) to stand guard outside the living room to stop me coming in and interupting her fag. I feel asking children to keep secrets, totally undermines me as a parent, but she thinks it is funny and DH thinks it is annoying, but not a serious problem. I am furious. I have explained to her that my sister who is having xmas dinner here has asthma, but she assures me that shes sure it's, "made up."

2) Expects a cooked breakfast everyday of her stay, and was very grumpy with me when i told her i did not want to cook a full english on xmas day as we'd be eating a big meal i a few hours. Cooked scrambled eggs with DD and she refused to eat these out of spite, even though DD had been really excited about cooking nanny a special breakfast on Xmas morning. ( And shes already told me she likes scrambled eggs.) Moaned all morning about being starving despite alternatives of toast/ cereal being offered. Generally weird attitude to food, refuses any fruit or vegetables, also has an addiction to coke and dh has been made to stock up whilst she's here. Ignores any requests of mine not to offer glasses of coke on a daily basis to children. Also expresses astonishment that i'm not feeding DH properly, ( he is normal BMI, her and FIL are unsuprisingly very obese.) Again DD is also given "secret," glasses of coke each day on previous visits without my knowledge, looks set to continue this year.

3) Mil must watch what she wants to watch on telly at all times, especially on xmas day. My parents like to buy a family DVD and watch it together as a family each year, this year they brought Hairspray. DD was happily watching it with my parents, MIL asked to watch corrie at about half 7, I said she could watch the repeat with me later, ( I'm also an avid soap watcher, practically only thing we have in common,) but response was not good enough and she then had a large loud convo with FIL to ruin the rest of the film, asking every 10 minutes if we could stop watching this crap and put corrie on. This is why she gets the remote to herself for whole stay normally.

4) is just so rude and vulgar all the time. Pretended to vomit up my xmas dinner back on to her plate as an illustration of how "disgusting dinner was." ( I'd accidently given her a plate with veg on.) Also encouraged kids to do the same. FIL also talks about their sex life non stop in front of my whole extended family. I think this is gross.

I am crying about spending another 10 days like this, DH whilst not impressed with this still seems to feel the kids benifit from the visit.

AIBU to make this the last visit? Just want some support from DH sad

okaynowitstheseason Wed 26-Dec-12 01:41:01

Sympathies OP, that sounds completely unsustainable. Only thing I suggest though is to stop pandering to them, no more cooked breakfasts at the very least.

NatashaBee Wed 26-Dec-12 01:41:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnderwaterBasketWeaving Wed 26-Dec-12 01:45:03

That sounds horrible. Not really the relaxing'd hope for.

I don't think a stabbing would be an improvement though!

I think you've got to start talking to your DH about breaking this tradition by next year though. Get online tomorrow and book a holiday for next year?

okaynowitstheseason Wed 26-Dec-12 01:45:25

Oh, and reclaim the TV. Or if you're not going to get to watch it anyway, then get up now and sabotage it (take out a fuse or something, something you can undo easily).

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells Wed 26-Dec-12 01:46:27

It's Christmas.
What is it with those threads at the moment?
Getting cross.
<which is not like me, I'm usually a laid back and happy individual>

ChrimboFascist Wed 26-Dec-12 01:47:22

That sounds horrendous. For what reason are you putting up with this situation? Honestly you need to put your foot down next year. Either go away for Christmas or get DH to tell them no. If he won't, I'd be taking DCs to my parents for the whole of Christmas.

ThreeWheelsGood Wed 26-Dec-12 01:47:46

do the kids benefit from the visit?! your house, your rules, I wouldn't stand for most of what you've listed here. you would not be unreasonable to say no to future visits.

HansieMom Wed 26-Dec-12 01:48:02

I think you need to tell her off.

blueemerald Wed 26-Dec-12 01:48:19

Do your parents/siblings live nearby? I'd be off like a shot (with children) tomorrow morning to stay there if at all possible. If not, I would go and visit a lot/plan many day trips with the children. Your husband may change his tune if he is the one that has to run around after the rude, vicious, disgusting pair.

okaynowitstheseason Wed 26-Dec-12 01:51:25

That could be the trick to getting DH on board, make him run after them.

Ladybeagle I don't follow, are you complaining about the number of nightmare in laws, or the fact OP is posting about it?

chickensarmpit Wed 26-Dec-12 01:52:12

I thought my inlaws were bad! Toe-end the cheeky sods.
I smoke but i would never ever do it indoors around children.

Op i'm sending you big hugs and i can't blame you for getting stabby. Just kick her feet from underneath her when she walks past hehe x

MammaTJ Wed 26-Dec-12 01:56:27

Move and not tell them where you live? grin

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th Wed 26-Dec-12 01:57:51

I'd be asking my dh how my dc benefit from secondary smoking and smoke filled clothes, too many fizzy drinks and someone who teaches them that it's ok to be rude at the dinner table when someone has spent time making a lovely family meal.

Hopefully they won't mimic their GM's rude behavior.

Stick too short visit next year, either an afternoon at theirs, or boxing day tea.

Your dh needs to tell your fil to nip the sex talk in the bud too.

Do you think your kids are really comfortable around this behavior, being asked to lie to you and sensing awkwardness between you?

LucieMay Wed 26-Dec-12 01:57:59

Poor you, what awful people!

boomting Wed 26-Dec-12 02:11:42

YANBU, of course! I'm not sure I'd be happy hosting them, either, funnily enough.

Aspiemum2 Wed 26-Dec-12 02:13:02

Oh dear, poor you. By the title I was thinking "what's so vulgar about a fry up"? I don't personally like them but I'm partial to a bacon butty on Christmas morning grin

But then I read your OP and was shocked, particularly by smoking in the house, being so rude over the film and at the meal. Seems that she needs reminding that she is a guest in YOUR house.

You are very patient, I'd have given her her marching orders - Christmas Day or not!

Do not let this happen again. If I were you I would tell her and your dh that she is not welcome in your house next Christmas. Then perhaps invite her the following year but you call the shots. Tell her when she can arrive, how long she can stay and your house rules. Also let her know that it is her last chance and there will be no further invites if her behaviour does not improve.

I'm all in favour of maintaining good relationships with family, I'm not in favour of people taking the piss!

TraineeBabyCatcher Wed 26-Dec-12 02:15:11

What horrible people.
I'm not as nice as you, she would have been out the door the first time she decided to light up in my home having been told not to.

Coralanne Wed 26-Dec-12 02:31:35

What an absolute nightmare.

I'm afraid you will probably have to see out the rest of this Christmas but next year plan to be away somewhere over Christmas. That will at least break the cycle.

Seriously, you have to take her aside and have a chat about the smoking and the coke. Put up with the rest of it.

Would like to say more but am too stunned t o be able to put another sentence together.

paneer Wed 26-Dec-12 02:35:59

Sounds hideous.

Does your DH know how upset you are?

What's the one big thing you want changed (I personally think the smoking indoor totally unacceptable, doesn't matter of you were my great-granny, you cannot smoke in my house). Work on the primary issue first.

juniperdewdrop Wed 26-Dec-12 02:42:47

I couldn't stand this for one day never mind 10. But then again dp wouldn't let someone treat me like this. Your dh needs to back you up here.

I definitely think you could do with heading out with your dcs, to friends or family, as much as possible. Or else tell PILs to go home.

EchoBitch Wed 26-Dec-12 03:45:07

Show her the door.

SquinkiesRule Wed 26-Dec-12 03:45:16

OMG you deserve a medal for putting up with all that crap.
Before they leave your Dh needs to tell them in front of you that this tradition is over.
They encourage your children to keep secrets from their parents
They smoke in the house when they know it's not allowed and put an asthmatic at risk.
They are rude to you about your food and encourage the children to be the same way.
They are rude to your children, refusing food specially made by Dd and spoiling a special movie time.
They are pain rude and assume they came come and stay for extended periods.
They bully to get their own way.
What positive things do they bring to Christmas at all?
Show your Dh the answers and see what he really thinks, he should be ashamed that he isn't sticking up for his wife and children to these bullies.

scarletforyaOfficialXmasGRINCH Wed 26-Dec-12 03:56:08


You. Are. Being. Bumptious. OP!! I DEMAND to know what a vulgar fry-up is! (Whatever it is I think I want one.)


NervousReindeer Wed 26-Dec-12 04:02:58

It's would definitely be the last year they came

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