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and petty?

(29 Posts)
WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 19:04:06

Dh's parents are Jewish but not at observant at all really. Never have been.
His sister married a religious guy and they're very observant along with their 4 dcs. Jewish schools, kosher, every high holy day, shul every Shabbat. Fair enough.

Our dcs sent pil some homemade Christmas cards with seasons greetings inside. Just been to visit and pil said they won't put up the cards - they're in a drawer - because sil and get dcs will be offended by Christmad cards etc on display. Dh said they always had a tree, cards, gifts on Christmas Day etc when he was a child. Now, nothing.

I was taken aback by this as who on earth is offended by someone wishing someone else seasons greetings, regardless of religion?

Also, does this mean that the sensibilities and preferences of one set of gcs will always be put over the other?

ReindeerOutdoors Sun 23-Dec-12 19:07:25

I think I would probably feel the same as you in that situation.

BackforGood Sun 23-Dec-12 19:13:45

No, YANBU or petty. I'd quite happily display a card sent by friends whose religion was different from mine, let alone ones that grandchildren had made, I think like all sane folk would. It is Christmas time, whether you celebrate it or not, same as it is Eid or Diwali when they occur, and I am more than happy to have someone say to me that they hope I have a nice time at Diwali even though I won't be celebrating it myself. It's just nice to share the love. I think I would tell the in laws how upsetting and offensive you think that is, that they can't accept (and proudly display) a card from their grandchildren.

WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 19:16:30

I am offended.

It makes me think they put their other gcs first over something that is ridiculous to find offensive.

Would they then do the same over really important stuff in case the other side got offended?

Loathe to make a fuss though.

LynetteScavo Sun 23-Dec-12 19:19:46

Hmm...as a Christian, I can totally understand why the SIL might be offended. But if the grandparents used to do the whole Christmas thing, then putting up handmade cards from your DC wouldn't do too much harm, especially if you celebrate Christmas.

WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 19:21:58

Lynette, do you mean as a Christian, you would be offended if a Muslim sent you a card wishing you all the best at Eid? Or a Diwali card wishing you a Hindu's season's greetings

NagooHoHoHo Sun 23-Dec-12 19:28:08

Do you think that SIL and her DH are the types to get offended? Has there been a recent falling out or anything, so the GPs are on eggshells for some reason?

CatchingMockingbirds Sun 23-Dec-12 19:28:51

I don't think you're being petty, but you could tell your kids that gp's keep their cards in the drawer to keep them safe as they like them so much, to save them getting upset or feeling let down.

WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 19:34:24

Oh sil rants about non Jewish people sending her Christmas cards. She finds it offensive.

But this is pil in their own home. Why can they not show off what the other gcs do in their own home? All other artwork, ppcs from my brood are up.

Dramajustfollowsme Sun 23-Dec-12 19:35:06

My cousin married a Hindu and we celebrated Divali with them. They are coming to us for Christmas Day, just skipping the church service. YANBU, as this is a new situation as to not offend Bil.

Birdsgottafly Sun 23-Dec-12 19:39:42

I celebrate Christmas as a winter festival.

I don't think that this is something to fall out about, unless you are a committed practising Christian. Personally i would make the cards less holy and more about celebration/thanks and family time (as i do, as i have mixed religions in the family/friends).

Then they can be displayed and enjoyed by everyone. Celebrating at this time of year doesn't have to be about any religion, as it has evolved over the centuries and been hijacked by Christianity.

It is part of our cultural background in Europe to have a celebration at this time of year.

Birdsgottafly Sun 23-Dec-12 19:42:14

"Oh sil rants about non Jewish people sending her Christmas cards. She finds it offensive."

If people are dismissing her beliefs then she has the right to be offended.

WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 19:42:42

There were 3 cards. They had pictures of a tree, Father Christmas and a non discernable 3 year old scribble on them.

Nothing religious - just commonplace symbols of the winter festivities.

WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 19:44:34

How wishing someone the best "dismissing her beliefs"?

It's saying, "it's our special time of year and just wants to wish you season's greetings."

Not "it is Christmas. You will forget about your own religion and celebrate with us whether you like it or not."

ReindeerOutdoors Sun 23-Dec-12 19:52:21

From the op it sounds as though sil was brought up celebrating Christmas, but since marrying no longer does. I can see why she'd still be on a lot of people's Christmas card lists. I don't think the intent behind it would be to disrespect her religion and choices.

ReindeerOutdoors Sun 23-Dec-12 19:52:58

I meant dismiss not disrespect.

LynetteScavo Sun 23-Dec-12 19:57:09

No, personally I don't care who sends me what cards, but I can understand why Jewish people might find people sending cards to celebrate the birth of Jesus (a false messiah, in their opinion) a bit offensive. I can see why a Hindu would be happy for their children to go along with Christmas celebrations, but a Jehovas Witness , or a Jewish person wasn't.

I would stick up any handmade card sent to me by my grandchildren, and blow what my adult DD thought of it.

WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 20:14:46

Well, it makes me wonder how far they would go to avoid "offending" sil wrt the two sets of gcs.

peaceandlovebunny Sun 23-Dec-12 20:18:56

well, people are allowed to 'grow into' their religion and become stricter in the way they practice. and they are allowed to consider the sensitivities of those who are more determined about their practice.

i wouldn't take offence. tell your in laws it makes you a little sad and ask if cards could be displayed somewhere in the house, if not in the main reception room.

WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 20:35:09

Is panto a Christmas tradition? Pil are taking those gcs to the panto on Christmas Day. Is it double standards then?

LynetteScavo Sun 23-Dec-12 20:47:35

Panto on Christmas Day isn't tradition (where does that?) If we go it will be in January, so I think it's a late December/New Years thing.

Somethings are seasonal, and somethings are Christmas tradition.

Mince pies are seasonal. (Dried fruit pies in winter) Some things are traditional Christmas celebration, such as advent calenders or candles. Or even Christmas trees!

I think you are being petty about the panto.

But I still think they should have put up any card handmade by your DC.

KentuckyFriedChildren Sun 23-Dec-12 21:31:23

i dont get it. it didnt say anything about christmas right? so what is offensive? and its nothing to do with her whether other people celebrate a different religion to her or want to send cards. would she be offended if someone in say a shop said merry christmas when they served her or is this just reserved for people she knows? yanbu at all. its not on. how do your ils think your dcs will feel knowing that they wont put up a card they have made for them sad

sooperdooper Sun 23-Dec-12 21:32:47

Panto on Christmas day? Didn't know it was on on christmas day, but I would say its a british winter tradition, it's not religious

I think it's a shame about the cards and an overreaction on their part, especially when they had a tree etc in the past, also I don't think a tree is traditionally a religious symbol? If someone gave me a card made my a child for any reason I'd display it

WinkyWinkola Sun 23-Dec-12 21:47:01

Apologies. They're going panto on Boxing Day, not CD.

Viviennemary Sun 23-Dec-12 21:53:39

Well I can see why you are annoyed. But people who have been lax with their religious beliefs and practices for years sometimes have a change of heart. I've exchanged Christmas cards with Muslims Jewish and Hindu people over the years. And maybe a few other different faiths.

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