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To be bloody fuming with SonIL's family over selfish xmas arrangements

(281 Posts)
azarragye Sat 22-Dec-12 17:31:30

This could be long, sorry.

Basically this year it's DD1's husband's family's turn to host Christmas, we alternate between me doing it and SonIL's parents doing it, their turn this year. In previous years, it would be DD1 going to SonIL's with DGD, myself and DS, DD2 would go to her DP's that year and then she and DP would come to mine the year I hosted Christmas if that makes sense. DD2 and DP don't have any children, DD2 sadly found out earlier this year she can't have them due to a medical condition. DS is grown up but much younger than the DDs and single, so tends to spend Christmas with me and DD1, either at SonIL's parents or mine. Hope that makes sense so far!

DD2 and DP separated a few months ago very messily, exP became nasty once it was confirmed that DD2 couldn't have children and it ended badly. DD2 is suffering the effects of this, no official diognosis as I can't get her to the doctors but DD1, DS and I are worried about her, we're keeping an eye on it.

Since the separation, DD2 has been made legal guardian of a friend's daughter for various complicated reasons, she hasn't adopted her but this is the long-term aim, depending to a point on what happens in the next few months/year. I've been quite heavily involved with the little girl since DD2 is now effectively a single parent and she's a real sweetheart, fits in perfectly. DD2 was invited to SonIL's parents for Christmas as she obviously won't be going to exP's. DD1 asked her DP (SonIL) if her DD (friend's little girl, not official yet but going to be the easiest way to refer to her) could come too, he said that was fine.

Earlier in the month SonIL's father was taken ill with appendicitis and rushed to hospital, he's been back at home 5 days now and still recovering, it's a slow process due to his age but he's expected to make a full recovery. I offered to take over Christmas this year but SonIL's mother said no, she would be fine to do it at hers as long as we all helped out, which I was fine with as that's what happens anyway, if I end up doing more than usual at hers this year then that's fine, I don't mind at all.

So SonIL's mother has phoned today to say that she's thought about it, and actually she's happy to have the usual lot from my DD1's side of the family over and DD2, but not DD2's DD because she's 'not family.' I was absolutely furious, began explaining to her that actually she is, at which point she said she had to go and put the phone down on me angry So now wondering how on earth to play this one! Advice would be much appreciated.

Fairyegg Sat 22-Dec-12 20:37:07

Ok, Yanbu. The fact that other young children will be their finalises it for me.

SugarplumMary Sat 22-Dec-12 20:38:49

It's a problem because she is choosing to make it one sad.

As her solutions aren't acceptable - you need to make other plans.

I’d hit the supermarkets as soon as possible – talk to DD2 and DS about coming to yours – and tell your DD1 she and her family and anyone else are welcome at yours but it’s fine if they still go to DD1 ILs as you are not looking to cause problems.

Then re-think your future Christmas plans and talk to everyone early next year about them.

SantasENormaSnob Sat 22-Dec-12 20:41:43

My god the woman is an absolute cunt shock

I hope no one turns up for her nibbles or Xmas day and she festers all alone.

The cruel bitch.

MrsFlibble Sat 22-Dec-12 20:42:16

Aza Is DD1's MIL normally a control freak. 2 options my arse. make a 3rd option. You, DS, DD2 and DGD are staying at home.

SantasENormaSnob Sat 22-Dec-12 20:42:22

Oh, and get your money back from her.

RowanTheRedNosedMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 22-Dec-12 20:45:22

Thanks for the reports about the use of a RL name - we've edited it out of the first post and withdrawn the second.

StanleyLambchop Sat 22-Dec-12 20:46:47

I like the way that she has 'declared' your two options!! Cheeky cow. Option 3. You do Christmas at home with your own family. Simple. make sure you get your contribution back first though!!!

ViperInTheManger Sat 22-Dec-12 20:50:54

Don't let this woman control you. Ask her to return your contributions or share out some of the food bought with it as you will be hosting a "family" Christmas at your home

azarragye Sat 22-Dec-12 20:59:29

Bogeyface and outraged thank you ever so much, didn't even realise you could do that!

I think there could be an element of DD2's DD has 'ruined' her christmas drinks, yes hmm We've honestly never had this issue with the Ils before, all a bit upsetting really.

Snazzyfeelingfestive Sat 22-Dec-12 21:00:22

It does sound a bit like she is desperate for an excuse to get out of it, since you would have to be incredibly dim to not see that refusing to have one extra child in your home for Christmas makes you look like Scrooge himself.

Stay very calm and cheerful and say that since she can't accommodate you all you will do your own thing and not add to her burden. Tell her you'll pop round at such-and-such a time to get your contribution back as you'll be needing it for your own home but you hope they have a lovely day. Basically 'nice' her. It's the best revenge. And have a lovely day with your DD2, her soon-to-be-DD and the others.

Oh, and next year, assume the sharing thing won't happen again. Just make your own plans.

kaz1119 Sat 22-Dec-12 21:03:42

she sounds like a vile bitch sad

and who on earth does she think dhe is to give you 'options'

I would spend xmad at home with DD2 snd the little girl. there is still plenty if time to sort the food. maybe check with DD1 if she rather wants to come to yours (if I were DD1, i would not want to go to MIL either).

I do not think i would want to have with MIL again. ever.

azarragye Sat 22-Dec-12 21:08:54

Well it's all coming out now. DD1, SonIL and their DCs are going to come to us for Christmas, SonIL's mother has declared that DD2 is clearly only looking after this little girl out of desperation to have a child of her own, she can't get pregnant so she's going to make do with someone elses angry So it'll be Christmas at mine with DD1, SonIL and their DCs, DS, DD2 and her DD. DD1 and SonIL are off to the local supermarket as we speak for last minute Christmas supplies smile Dread to think what the reprocussions are going to be.

kaz1119 Sat 22-Dec-12 21:11:13

great that DD1 is so supportive.

hope you have a lovely xmas at yours.

crunchbag Sat 22-Dec-12 21:12:01

With the further information she really does sound unreasonable. Don't go and have your own Xmas at home.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sat 22-Dec-12 21:18:25

Wow! What a bitch she sounds!

JustFabulous Sat 22-Dec-12 21:19:06


WHAT a heartless cow.

That poor girl isn't able to be with her mum but she has others to love her. To be such a bitch to your DD is unforgivable in my book.

cozietoesie Sat 22-Dec-12 21:19:06

Have a good one, OP. Worry about any repercussions after Xmas. I'm sure you'll deal with them admirably.


Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 22-Dec-12 21:19:50

Dear God she sounds absolutely awful. Bitter, resentful, sour.

Enjoy your Christmas with all your family around you OP.

auntpetunia Sat 22-Dec-12 21:20:12

OMG what a bitch,good that DD1 and family are supportive. Bet soninlaw is not impressed with his mum

LovesBeingAtHomeForChristmas Sat 22-Dec-12 21:20:15

Thats very kind of her to give you two options hmm

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Sat 22-Dec-12 21:21:39

I hope you have an absolutely wonderful Christmas - you sound like a lovely mum and grandma, and she has shown herself up as despicable.

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree Sat 22-Dec-12 21:23:00

Just read the thread!

Bloody hell, what a complete cow!

Glad you have got it sorted. she won't be happy!

YourHandInMyHand Sat 22-Dec-12 21:23:33

shock What a rotten thing to say! How would excluding this little girl change the situation? She sounds awfully resentful and weird about it all!

Glad your DD1 and her husband are supportive and you will all have a nice Christmas together.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Sat 22-Dec-12 21:24:09

shock Are there really people out there who think like this? Fucking hell, that is about a mean/bitter/cruel is it's possible to get. OP I hope you anre your family all have a lovely time, without that poisonous witch to worry about.

Bogeyface Sat 22-Dec-12 21:24:23

You SIL sounds like an absolute star, I would be very proud and happy that your DD had married such a nice man. Which in itself is a miracle considering what an example he had in his mother!

She is having a tantrum because things didnt go her way with the drinks, so she tried to make a point by uninviting your GDD for lunch and when THAT didnt work she got nasty.

I hope she has learned her lesson about what tantrums get; A big fat fuck all.

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