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AIBU?

Massive Mil Birthday row.

59 replies

sassy34264 · 22/12/2012 15:23

Dp has organised a meal for mil's birthday on Monday. I wasn't invited and neither are his 3 pre-schoolers as we will 'add £50 to the bill and it will be a faff to get out of the house'

Other reasons he has given are: he wanted to just spend some time with just his dm, dbro and dsis. And he just wants it to be a get in and out type meal (rather than a lengthy all day affair, implying it will be, if we go.)

However his dsis is bringing her pre-schooler as she has no-one to look after him (unlike my dp who has muggins here to look after his!)

Today I find out that his dm invited her BF along, but now she can't go,so dp has rung up dbro and said 'you might as well bring your girlfriend as the table is booked for 5 people'

Anyone need a Cinderella for their panto- i'm right here!

I'm beyond fuming. We have been arguing/not speaking for over 24 hrs. AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru · 22/12/2012 15:25

No you are not BU - why not take yourself and the kids out for your own meal and spend the £50 he thinks he is saving by not inviting you to the other meal!

donnie · 22/12/2012 15:26

no IMO you are definitely NOT BU. To be frank your ds sounds like a selfish knob, if I may use such language .

You keep saying 'his' pre-schoolers - are they his kids from a previous or are they your kids with him?

Christmashasarrived · 22/12/2012 15:27

YANBU I wouldn't be happy his reasons seem abit flimsy do you think it's just due to the cost?

Dogsmom · 22/12/2012 15:28

He's an arsehole. Sorry.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 22/12/2012 15:29

So he wants you to babysit his three kids, while he has a relaxed meal?

Yanbu

sassy34264 · 22/12/2012 15:29

no they are 'our' pre-schoolers.

Well i told him he was a fucking arsehole myself last night- so knob is quite polite in comparison.

I feel a bit like he may have just have been trying to spend some quality time with his family-which is perfectly acceptable-but he managed to fail miserably at going about it the wrong way. iyswim.?

OP posts:

Snazzyfeelingfestive · 22/12/2012 15:29

Are these your kids together, or are they his kids? Either way it's rude and thoughtless. Doesn't your MIL want to see her grandkids on her birthday? Both my mum and my MIL would want to.

Does he do stuff like this a lot? If it's an isolated thing, I would be booking my own night out very soon and expecting him to hold the fort. If more common, it needs more serious thinking about.

Snazzyfeelingfestive · 22/12/2012 15:31

Ah have seen your second post now. Book yourself a ladies night out and make it clear he will be in charge of the kids.

Does your MIL know he's said this or has he just told her you don't want to come? My MIL would not have this.

naturalbaby · 22/12/2012 15:32

'you might as well bring your gf' ?!? charming.

I'm surprised he hasn't asked you to look after his dsis's dc as well.

Yanbu

sassy34264 · 22/12/2012 15:33

I get on with mil and go out on nights out with her occasionally. First thing she asked is 'is sassy not coming' I told him, if she asks, i will tell her i wasn't invited.

No worries about me staying in, i have already told him i will be going out.

OP posts:

MummyDuckAndDuckling · 22/12/2012 15:33

Oh no sassy

pigletmania · 22/12/2012 15:42

What a knob end you are family. Yes book somewhere nice to go with friends fir £50+. My dh would not want to go to these family functions withut me as we are family

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 22/12/2012 15:48

I would be highly fucked off if DH went out with his mum/dad (both dead so probably no chance that would happen!) and left me alone with our DS.

YANBU. He is a fucking arsehole for doing that. Definitely let your MIL know when she asks!

Stupid thing to do. Your DP, not you or MIL.

sassy34264 · 22/12/2012 15:48

piglet he has thrown at me that 'we're not joined at the hip' and ' we don't have to do everything together' during the arguments when i have tried to tell him how left out i feel.

he has since said i can come. Told him i wouldn't go now, if i had a gun to my head. And he has also said he won't go.

these are his attempts at trying to make it better.

OP posts:

naturalbaby · 22/12/2012 16:00

What?! so his mother wants you to go but now because of his silliness neither of you are going?!

Don't make his mother miss out because your dp is being an idiot.

TheCrackFox · 22/12/2012 16:04

I would feel very upset at being excluded like that.

sassy34264 · 22/12/2012 16:10

natural he is still going. It was just a flippant thing to say because i was giving him grief.

I'm not going cos, lets face it, i'm not really wanted, (by dp) and l would prefer to go somewhere else with the kids now.

OP posts:

Yama · 22/12/2012 16:11

YANBU. Not nice being left out. Do tell Mil.

naturalbaby · 22/12/2012 16:14

Oh o.k. Does he feel guilty now? Have you booked somewhere nice for yourself on Monday?
We're going to the cinema to watch a Christmas movie and stuff ourselves with sweets. Can't wait! It's only £2 each, but is at 10am.

tisnottheseasonyet · 22/12/2012 16:22

Kicking off before Christmas because he wants a few hours alone with his family?

What a lovely, understanding, and not in any way controlling partner you sound like...

sassy34264 · 22/12/2012 16:26

tis

I was waiting for a back lash!

natural I thought about taking my eldest to the pics when he gets back to watch something pi. He can watch the 3 under 3's!

OP posts:

fedupofnamechanging · 22/12/2012 16:30

It's not controlling to want your partner to want to invite you. And if he's going to say to his brother that he can bring his gf, then it's hardly time alone with his mum and siblings is it? That was the time when he should have invited sassy.

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SantasENormaSnob · 22/12/2012 16:33

Yanbu

I can't comprehend doing this to dh, nor him to me.

MrsMelons · 22/12/2012 16:42

YANBU at all! I would be really hurt if DH did this to me..

It is in no way controlling, when you are a family I can't see that he should want to have alone time with his siblings and mum. I go away with my mum just the two of us but would never consider to not invite DH if out with DM, DF and DB same goes for DB's wife - we are all family.

DontmindifIdo · 22/12/2012 16:43

yep, now he's not going, make plans and go out before he will have to leave for the meal in case he changes his mind at the last minute (at least 1 hour before he'd have to leave). He then can go, take the younger DCs without you (ha ha ha, if he thought it would be a 'faff' to get you all out of the house with you there, bet your life he's not going to cope well tryng to do that without you!), or sort a last minute childminder on Christmas eve (oh good luck, that's not going to be tricky or pricy) or not go like he said.

Honestly, once his DSis was taking her DCs, it should have been clear this was going to be a child centred event again so changed the booking to avoid upset.

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