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Or is this a bit rich from someone who professes to have a hard line mates before dates philosophy?

(7 Posts)
quesadilla Fri 21-Dec-12 22:28:57

I have an old friend, generally very loyal and supportive, who is incredibly hard line on the importance of putting your friends first, making time for them etc. all of which is a good thing although said friend tends to take this to extremes. She will throw a wobbler if, for example, you cancel an arrangement due to something family-related. Threw her toys out of the pram fairly recently when I cancelled a planned trip to theatre with her at short notice because DD had to go to A and E with breathing difficulties. Friend is now embroiled in a complex situation which just stops short of being an affair with a married man (who lives on the other side of the world). Has now said she can't make it to my birthday drinks because this guy is in town. I have had an awful week, DH is abroad, DD and I have both been sick and I haven't seen a soul for days. I could really have used a bit of cheering up. Had it been anyone else I would have just shrugged and told them it wasn't a biggie -leaving aside my squeamishness about this man being spoken for as its none of my business - but am I right in thinking if you give other people a hard time about stuff like this you should walk it like you talk it? And therefore AIBU to give friend cold shoulder over this? Or even to ditch completely? She is dealing with a fair bit of shit in her life at the moment so maybe I should understand, but I just can't stomach the hypocrisy....

VivaLeBeaver Fri 21-Dec-12 22:32:01

I'd have ditched her when she gave you a hard time for been at a&e with your dd who had breathing difficulties.

Sounds to me like she has no kids or relationship and resents other peoples'. Now she's getting some sort of relationship it's all different.

LRDtheFeministDude Fri 21-Dec-12 22:33:05

She just sounds incredibly selfish.

She threw a strop because your DD was in A&E?!

That's not the action of a loyal or supportive friend.

It sounds as if she's not motivated by strong principles or a 'hard line', just selfish, given that and her now changing her mind when it comes to her affair.

quoteunquote Fri 21-Dec-12 22:33:27

just be the bigger person, and smile sweetly.

quesadilla Fri 21-Dec-12 22:35:06

Beaver I was pretty close, believe me. She is single and has been for a long time. I would be a bit more indulgent if she hadn't been so selfish about other stuff... She has been a good friend over the years but I think this may be a dealbreaker.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Fri 21-Dec-12 22:37:32

with friends like these....

oldpeculiar Fri 21-Dec-12 22:42:04

Cut her some slack.
She's got it bad, and she's going to need her friends when the inevitable happens.

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