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To LOVE whoppers, kidders and deliberately lying to children....

(70 Posts)
CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Thu 20-Dec-12 10:19:04

The Santa myth is frankly, small potatoes. Our family has a grand tradition of mad rellies that tell the smaller generation the biggest, fattest, pants-on-fire lies which are swallowed whole and with huge delight. One uncle convinced us for years that he'd done backing vocals for 'his mate' Bob Marley.

AIBU? Anyone else's family love a whopper? Care to share?

TinselTwister Thu 20-Dec-12 11:18:43

Ah, just remembered the Barnado's lady. She used to knock at the door every month or so and say "I'm collecting for Barnado's". My dad told me she was collecting children! [shocked]

Mandy2003 Thu 20-Dec-12 11:18:53

That Brussels Sprouts are the food of the Gods and how lucky DS is to be able to indulge in them! I must have caught him with this at just the right time because he's loved them ever since.

Or maybe he's like me and born without the "bitter taste" gene smile

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Thu 20-Dec-12 11:19:53

I want my own Mo now.... ROFL!

TinselTwister Thu 20-Dec-12 11:22:30

Brussel sprouts are fairy cabbages.

Nanny is a witch, have you not noticed her black cat? And that broomstick in the larder? Thats why she doesn't drive you know ( about his Mil)

ILoveMimislabel Thu 20-Dec-12 11:23:39

My grandad convinced me as a child that the fag burn holes in his clothes were actually bullet holes from the cowboys whilst he had been helping the Indians!
I managed to fool my sister (11 yrs younger ) that I was father Christmas! I went to the pub on Christmas eve but she was fooled into thinking I flew to the north pole and got on my sleigh !

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Thu 20-Dec-12 11:24:35

Way before the words 'health' and 'safety' ever appeared in the same sentence my old primary school headmistress used to turn up in class pre any school trips with a bottle of 'Anti Car-sickness Medicine' and a very large spoon. We'd line up obediently, swallow the medicine and make a face. It was years later I found out it was just water with a drop of colouring in it. Then again..... no-one was ever sick on our trips. Oh yes.

meddie Thu 20-Dec-12 11:24:53

Haha yep we used the ice cream van one too.

There was also THE MONSTER in the cellar who ate children who posted lego down between the skirting boards. My dad had the scars on his arm to prove a close shave he had had as a child.

Billy the pasta shell an uncle who would only eat pasta and eventually turned into a pasta shell (he lived in my brothers shirt pocket and my son would have long conversations with him, good job my brother was a good ventriloquist)

Street lights were actually scanners that could look into cars and see children hitting their sisters.

In Wales on seeing a sheep kneeling my dad told my kids they were special mountain sheep with short front legs so they could climb mountains while staying level.

WorkingtoohardMama Thu 20-Dec-12 11:26:56

Only a little fib, but I told ds last year that father christmas's favourite song in jingle bells, if he ever hears anyone singing jingle bells batman smells, he gets so upset that he takes a present out of their stocking; but mum I sang that today, oh whoops I wonder what present he took out, hope it wasn't x??

I knows it's mean, but I never ever hear him sing that version!

ToriaHosannaHeadacheChelsea Thu 20-Dec-12 11:27:32

Oh yes, the Norbord factory just outside Inverness is also a cloud factory grin

TinselTwister Thu 20-Dec-12 11:29:06

You only grow bigger until you reach 21, then you start to shrink. Eventually you get so small you disappear up your own bum. (I asked why old people were so small and was very worried about my nans for quite some time afterwards!)

WorkingtoohardMama Thu 20-Dec-12 11:29:08

Oh and if you have a dummy outside the birds pinch them - very effective!!

When I was little there was a castle like building near my nans, which actually has a water tower in it, it was always the giants house, and I've loved showing my children the giants house!

hurricanewyn Thu 20-Dec-12 11:37:30

My dm told us that the maternity hospital phoned her to collect us when they'd found perfect baby matches for her.
I was a beautiful lovely placid baby
Dsis & Dbro were both very naughty & they needed a great mum to look after them.
Wasn't the happiest family ever growing up, but we lived those stories grin

hurricanewyn Thu 20-Dec-12 11:51:55

Oh & my uncle would tell us about the crocodiles he had to wrestle to get to school everyday. Lived in the pond in the local park apparently

WhenAChildIsBawnTigga Thu 20-Dec-12 12:18:18

I tell The Cub that:

Wind comes from wind farms
Alcohol is clever juice for grown ups
If you listen VERY carefully fruit and veg squeek just as you pick them.


BerryChristmas Thu 20-Dec-12 12:26:07

My Uncle had his hand and lower arm blown off by a bomb in the War. He had a false arm and hand. He used to take the arm off and tell children that that was what happened if you bit your nails and didn't stop!!

BerryChristmas Thu 20-Dec-12 12:27:55

Toria - now I know what the Norbord factory just outside South Molton in Devon does!!! I often wondered.

I told a lie to A group of 5/6 year old in the park in the summer.

I have have scars on my leg from been run over at 11 and needing pins and muscle removing. A boy of about 5 was starring at it as I was in shorts. His mate was pointing saying look go ask!.

So he came over all shy and nicely asked what happened to my leg. I told him it was a shark bite as I was a shark wrestler. He thought it was the greatest thing ever and shouted to his mates grin

The parents in the park were laughing.

RueDeWakening Thu 20-Dec-12 12:39:13

My mum and her colleagues once had a coach load of (secondary) school kids convinced that all the cobbles on Mont St Michel were on hydraulics as they'd had to level them for when the Tour de France went round it, the kids were jumping up and down on them saying that they could feel the movement gringringrin

My parents also have a photo of me holding up a lamppost that was in the corner of our front garden, they were digging a flower bed and told me that unless I held it up, it would fall over and squash my dad shock. I was about 5 years old.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Thu 20-Dec-12 12:46:16

Had lots of fun with a car alarm remote one afternoon convincing nephews that the new Ford Escort could do mental arithmetic. "What's six minus five car?".... <flash>.... "The square root of four?".... <flash flash>.

letsgomaths Thu 20-Dec-12 12:48:22

I was once showing a group of school kids the organ at our church, and inviting them to sit on the bench and press the keys. But as kids do, they were pressing every button they could see, including ones that make it sound very loud. So I told them:

"Be careful, you might press the self-destruct button!"

(I was also making good use of a button which silences the organ. One of the buttons is also jokingly labelled "pulpit trapdoor".)

almapudden Thu 20-Dec-12 12:52:47

fluffy grin do they believe you?

FuriousRox Thu 20-Dec-12 12:52:52

Dh has an enlarged hole in one hear from surgery when he was younger. He likes to wind children up by telling a tall tall tale involving an accident with a spear gun while diving. Sometimes adults believe it too!

SweetMingePie Thu 20-Dec-12 12:55:29

My nana told us our surname was actually Mactavish but was changed to Ward when our great nan moved from Scotland to England to fit in.

EndoplasmicReticulum Thu 20-Dec-12 13:01:24

I have told my children about the invisible cows - that one came from Mumsnet! They have fallen for it completely...

(fields with no visible cows in are where the invisible cows are kept).

fluffyanimal Thu 20-Dec-12 13:10:01

alma I bloody wish! (Especially hard to pull off as I teach uni students...)

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