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dh ex and travelling arrangements

(26 Posts)
mrsmamma Mon 17-Dec-12 15:18:36

Ill cut an extremely long story short and basically say that my oh ex wife moved their daughter 250 miles away from us approx 1 year ago. This was done in secret and my oh would never have agreed to it as was having regular (3 nights per week as per court order) contact.

At first as step daughters mum refused to travel so my oh paid for flights so his daughter could spend school holidays with us however this became too expensive on top of the CSA.

She then agreed that she would meet halfway by car so that the travelling was shared. This made an 8 hour round trip be 4hours for my oh and much more reasonable.

She doesnt have any other kids (we do) and has a car. She gets her maintenance money every month. OH daughter desperately wants to see her dad but she is making is so difficult by refusing to travel?

Are we being unreasonable to expect her to do this? She thinks it oh's responsibility and from what i can see i think the courts would agree as it says non resident parent should collect the child.

pmcblonde Mon 17-Dec-12 15:25:15

So has she agreed to meet halfway and then gone back on that agreement?

gordyslovesheep Mon 17-Dec-12 15:27:00

HE needs to return to court

from what you have said it sounds like she is being unreasonable but a court would be able to decide

also when was 250 mile an 8 hour trip? where does she live?

peaceandlovebunny Mon 17-Dec-12 15:27:30

go back to court and get it sorted for the new situation.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 17-Dec-12 15:28:04

How often does he have his daughter now, if it's only a few times a year then yes, he should pay.

gordyslovesheep Mon 17-Dec-12 15:28:42

actually I take that back - I guess if it's all b roads etc it could take that long

freemanbatch Mon 17-Dec-12 15:29:41

don't they have to take travel costs into account when sorting out maintenance if one parent moves the child away? it can't all be on the partner left behind surely.

Court is probably the only option really, did he not take her back to court when she moved away and therefore broke the court order he already had?

mrsmamma Mon 17-Dec-12 15:33:20

the record time for the trip to his daughters new house was 3 hours 50 mins and that was in the early hours of a sunday morning, it is usually nearer 4 hours so for him to drive there and back which is what his ex wants would take him approx 8 hours.

Clipped Phoenix he has his daughter every school holiday for the duration apart from big school hols where he has her for 4 weeks of it.

mrsmamma Mon 17-Dec-12 15:34:08

pmc blonde yes she has now gone back on the arrangement of meeting half way.

SantasENormaSnob Mon 17-Dec-12 15:37:00

I would go back to court.

mrsmamma Mon 17-Dec-12 15:38:47

freemanbatch - he was going to take her back to court but his daughter begged him not to (my personal belief is that she was brainwashed by her mum) also by the time we found out they had already sold the house and gone. At the time she said she would share travel so my oh agreed even though he was devastated by the move but he didnt want to upset his daughter who seemed happy to go. Now his daughter has realised that moving away from all her family to live with her mum and her new partner isnt ass much fun as she was led to believe and dont feel she is 100% happy about it.

mrsmamma Mon 17-Dec-12 15:39:24

does anyone think court would rule in my husbands favour if he asked for shared travel?

FreshGoosedandStuffedLetticia Mon 17-Dec-12 15:43:52

I think your DH should consider bidding for custody. How would his DD feel about living with him? If she is old enough then the court will take her opinion into account.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman Mon 17-Dec-12 15:45:43

Sil did this and the court ruled that travel should be shared.

By the way if she has stayed within the country she didn't need his permission, unfortunately.

He needs to go to court or suck it up and keep doing the journey. She isn't being reasonable so he is left with those choices.

mrsmamma Mon 17-Dec-12 15:46:20

she has said she would like to live with us and I think when she is old enough to make up her own mind then she will. My OH doesnt think he would get full custody or he definitely would go for it. She is 12.

freemanbatch Mon 17-Dec-12 15:48:32

if he went back to court they would have to look at everything right back to when she broke the court order and make a decision. If I was him I would be speaking to a solicitor, it isn't ok that she completely disregarded the fact there were legal restrictions on her and it isn't right that she is stopping her daughter seeing him. One way or another there must be something that can be done to help his daughter see her dad.

mrsmamma Mon 17-Dec-12 15:48:50

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman - there was a court order in place regarding contact which became impossible when they moved so should she have not gone back to court to make new court order?

interested to hear about what happened with your SIL? How much travelling was involved and was she refusing to do it? If we thought we would get shared travel then we would go court.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 17-Dec-12 15:49:15

If I were him, id do it, she's 12 so he doesn't have to do this for much longer and I feel sorry for his daughter stuck in the middle.

pmcblonde Mon 17-Dec-12 15:49:57

Back to court then. She created the problem by moving away and then is not prepared to make a reasonable compromise.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman Mon 17-Dec-12 15:55:18

Technically he the visitation of 3 nights could still happen. So yes she could move.

Sil moved from London to near Newcastle. She refused to do of the journey. Her parents (my pils) were livid because she wanted to stop contact. The court didn't look favourably on her behaviour ruled the journey should be shared.

MakeItALarge Mon 17-Dec-12 16:00:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedHelenB Mon 17-Dec-12 16:02:15

For the sake of the court costs I'd suck it up for 6 times a year. I know it's unfair but what is best for him & his daughter is that she sees him as often as she can. Not many more years no after all.

RedHelenB Mon 17-Dec-12 16:03:23

I think she would make excuses even if the court did rule in your favour about meeting halfway.

mrsmamma Mon 17-Dec-12 16:14:08

redhelenb yes you are right she would definitely make up excuses and make it difficult but i really dont see why he should have to do all the travelling and bearning in mind.

We also suggested the train but mum or daughter dont feel happy with this so we respect that but maybe in a year or two this would be a good solution.

I havent even posted half of the story here regards to her behaviour so hopefully the courts would look at the big picture.

girlywhirly Mon 17-Dec-12 16:14:16

I think the daughter at 12 will probably be able to discuss her wishes with the family court if she wants to come and live with you and her dad, they would be taken into consideration. Her dad would have to prepare his case thoroughly, and make sure she would have a school place lined up, what sort of travelling arrangements for contact with her mum he would do, etc.

He would need to be very sure that this is what she wants, and isn't just escaping from her mums boyfriend. Would she want to stay living there if he wasn't around? Has she found it difficult to settle there and make friends, is her schoolwork deteriorating?

It is only fair to get a court order regarding contact and travelling now that the mum has gone back on the agreement to share the journey.

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