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To think DD was right to ask?

(244 Posts)
Jingleflobba Mon 17-Dec-12 10:59:48

Went to a Christmas party yesterday, really busy (think village hall packed to the rafters type) with the DC's and ended up bumping i to an old friend who we had lost touch with. We chatted for a while, admired each others new babies etc then went on mingling and watching our DC's so I didn't get to see her again apart from a quick goodbye as we left.
DD is 7, very inquisitive and likes babies so she spent a bit of time playing with friends baby at the party.
After we got home we were talking about the afternoon and she told me & DH that "baby X has a strawberry mark". She does, it's quite noticeable. DH asked her how she knew what it was called and DD said that she had asked my friend about it. DH thinks she was rude to mention it at all but I think she was right. She wouldn't have asked in a rude "ewww what's that?" Type of way, just very factual wanting to know about it. According to DD she just said "what has she got on her head?"
Is DH right and she was being rude or is it preferable to just staring at it (which I saw quite a lot of when talking to my friend).
I should add that I didn't mention it as my friend got in there first smile

Whistlingwaves Mon 17-Dec-12 11:02:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLorraTurkey Mon 17-Dec-12 11:02:26

I think it's a no brainer really, kids ask questions.

In fact, I wouldn't see it as rude if an adult had asked the woman the same thing...as long as they weren't a stranger to her.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 17-Dec-12 11:02:58

Perfectly reasonable to ask.

UC Mon 17-Dec-12 11:09:01

Absolutely ok to have asked. Doesn't sound as though your friend had any problem with it either, as it sounds like she explained.

rumbelina Mon 17-Dec-12 11:09:35

Not rude at all!

It's a perfectly reasonable question to ask if you want to find out what something is. It's not as if she pointed and squealed.

Jingleflobba Mon 17-Dec-12 11:11:25

Thats what I thought. I think DH got a bit worried that our friend would be offended.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 17-Dec-12 11:12:04

Of course she wasn't rude to ask.

WelshMaenad Mon 17-Dec-12 11:12:42

Pointing, whispering, staring - rude.

Asking - not rude.

kerala Mon 17-Dec-12 11:13:34

Not rude. My 5 year old asked my single friend where her husband and children were <cringe>. In her world the majority of people she sees are in families so it was a reasonable question but I wanted to sink through the floor...

WheelieBinRebel Mon 17-Dec-12 11:25:27

One of my DC's has a strawberry mark and it certainly doesn't offend me when people ask, which happens quite often.

peaceandlovebunny Mon 17-Dec-12 11:33:43

she should not have asked. she is old enough to have been taught that personal remarks are not acceptable and that some questions can be hurtful.

rainbow2000 Mon 17-Dec-12 11:37:42

If she asked nicely then no she wasnt rude.But kids always ask things that adults dont have the nerve to.

Jingleflobba Mon 17-Dec-12 11:40:28

peace she does know that personal remarks are not acceptable but surely asking about something in a matter of fact way is better than staring and whispering about it, which is what I saw an awful lot of people (mainly adults) doing yesterday?

badtime Mon 17-Dec-12 11:44:23

peaceandlovebunny, that is nonsense. Personal remarks are not always rude ('your hair looks nice'), and is absurd to suggest that a 7 year old should be expected to know when something might be offensive and when it will not. However, since it clearly did not offend in this case, the child's judgement must be better than yours.

NatashaBee Mon 17-Dec-12 11:45:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocoluvva Mon 17-Dec-12 11:49:02

It's certainly better than staring and whispering, but it would have been even better not to mention it at all.
It sounds like your DH is a lovely sensitive person with nice manners. Your DD is lucky to have such a kind DF to give her thoughtful advice.
Your DD didn't need to know there and then what the strawberry mark is.
I'm with your DH on this one.

Jingleflobba Mon 17-Dec-12 11:52:23

choco he is very definitely lovely and thoughtful, you're spot on with that one!
Thank you all for your thoughts, one thing I love about AIBU is getting different points of views on things I might not have considered smile.

Sirzy Mon 17-Dec-12 11:55:48

When I was little I had a very large noticeable strawberry birthmark on my head. My parents had no issue with children asking about it and would happily answer questions - children are naturally inquisitive and as long as they are polite about it should never be stopped from asking questions.

They did take issue with comments from adults like "that thing should be covered in public"

princesspuds Mon 17-Dec-12 12:01:45

I don't think that it's rude, my dd is 8 yrs old and in a wheelchair and I always prefer it if a chld or adult came and asked about her condition rather than gawp/point at her (which sometimes happens) although I find that if a child asks me about my dd, the adult with the child is usually very apologetic about the child asking questions despite me saying that it doesn't bother me.

MrsMushroom Mon 17-Dec-12 12:21:46

My DD2 had one on her back...it's not rude t ask...strawberry marks go away by the time the child is 3 or so, the Mum will know this and hopefully not be sensitive.

ChallyCreaks Mon 17-Dec-12 12:35:59

Your DD was not rude at all. My DD had a strawberry mark on her forehead when she was a baby. The stares and rude comments made by adults was quite horrid. It would have been quite refreshing for someone to just ask what it was.

And the only way to learn things is to ask if you don't know.

PoppyWearer Mon 17-Dec-12 12:36:28

A few years back I was reading a book about parenting and it advocated talking about anything that could cause prejudice etc head-on with kids, such as race, sexual orientation, physical characteristics. The book quoted some study that kids who have this stuff explained to them are less likely to develop prejudices later in life.

Which is why the Paralympics were so great for our kids to see and ask questions about athletes with varying abilities. It's when you brush stuff under the carpet that kids start to think that different is "wrong" or "undesirable" in some way <dismounts soapbox>

A friend's child had a strawberry birthmark and we all talked about it (them, DD, DH) quite openly. Once explained, it was no longer an issue.

So you and your DD are right, your DH is wrong. smile

CMOTDibbler Mon 17-Dec-12 12:41:30

Not rude - I have a non functioning and very scarred arm, and don't mind children asking directly about it at all. I do mind people who should know better going on about it, or comments about it looking yuck

StaceymReadyForNumber3 Mon 17-Dec-12 12:44:46

Dd had a strawberry mark on her forehead as a baby. I never found children (or adults for that matter) asking about it. Kids are naturally inquisitive. Your dd was just doing what kids do. Don't worry about it!

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