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To not want to call inlaws 'mum' and 'dad'

(89 Posts)
lazycoconutree Sun 16-Dec-12 14:36:06

that's it really...
I don't have the best relationship with inlaws but it's not too bad either.
But I won't call mil mum, she isn't my mum and I feel only my mum deserves that title! Ditto with my dad....!
So I'm wondering what everyone out there calls their inlays?

jinglebellyalltheway Sun 16-Dec-12 14:37:40

who does that? (apart from in American movies)
I don't know anyone that does that!
I call them by their first names to their faces and MIL/FIL or first name when talking about them to others

kinkyfuckery Sun 16-Dec-12 14:37:40

Who wants you to call them mum and dad?

VikingLady Sun 16-Dec-12 14:38:00

I call them by name! It got easier after DD was born. I only see them with DD and can call them Grandma and Grandpa.

I just use their first names - thought that was standard nowadays. Definitely would be v.odd, even though I get on v. well with them, to use 'mum' & 'dad' - they're not.

ChristmasInValhalla Sun 16-Dec-12 14:40:50

I've never known anyone to call their in-laws 'mum' and 'dad' - surely you'd just call them by their name?!

Agree - have only seen it in films!

threesypeesy Sun 16-Dec-12 14:42:27

I call my inlaws by there name, i have a great relationship with them but like you my mum and dad are the only ones i would give that title too

WinkyWinkola Sun 16-Dec-12 14:43:26

To me, it's weird.

My pil wanted me to call them mum and dad. Pil called their pil mum and dad. I was a bit abrupt and said I already have a mum and dad.

JimbosJetSet Sun 16-Dec-12 14:46:09

Same as Winky... I'm not going to call them Mum and Dad as much as I like them, so I try to avoid having to call them anything at all in their presence (10 years in!)

TrillsCarolsOutOfTune Sun 16-Dec-12 14:48:00

I think saying she doesn't "deserve" it is a bit odd.

But YANBU to not want to call them mum and dad.

Are they insisting that you do?

Or have they just said that you can if you want and you have overreacted?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Sun 16-Dec-12 14:50:07

My MIL asked me to call her Mum. I 'forgot' to for 8 years.

peaceandlovebunny Sun 16-Dec-12 14:52:01

don't do it.

fluffydressinggown Sun 16-Dec-12 14:52:15

I call them by their first names, wouldn't occur to me (or them) do do any differently.

Walnutcakelover Sun 16-Dec-12 14:54:00

Who is asking you to call them mum and dad, is it your oh? I know that in the Indian culture it is common to call your in laws mum and dad.

NaokHoHoHo Sun 16-Dec-12 14:54:25

I wouldn't either. I think it's a generational thing to some extent, my parents do/did call eachothers PIL mum and dad, but they would never expect my DP to do it to them.

GrimAndHumourlessAndEven Sun 16-Dec-12 14:54:55

no don't it. that's a bit weird

who is asking you to? them?

turkeyboots Sun 16-Dec-12 14:55:08

I'm the only one who doesn't use Mum and Dad at my inlaws (and they are divorced and married again so are 4 of them). It get confusing as DH and I, SiL and her DH are clearly Mum and Dad to our DCs. DH, SiL and her DH and the 3 younger siblings all call MiL and FiL's (all 4 of them) Mum and Dad. AND to make it worse, the inlaws parents are all refered to as Mum and Dad. So I generally have no idea who is being talked about.

Themumsnotroastingonanopenfire Sun 16-Dec-12 14:55:31

I wasn't given permission to call my PIL by their first names until we were engaged. I had to call them Mrs Mumsnotshusband and Mr Mumsnothusband until then. I don't think either party would be comfortable with Mum and Dad. And my mum would go ballistic if she thought I was calling someone else Mum.

I never did.

My mum called my dad's father dad though as she didn't have her dad around and he was like a father to her

TeeElfOnTeeShelf Sun 16-Dec-12 14:58:30

Then don't.

Is this really an issue?

StellaNova Sun 16-Dec-12 15:00:17

My mum and dad used to call each others mum and dad "mum and dad".

So I thought I would too when I got married. But it seems too weird, so like Jimbo I avoid calling MiL anything!

NamingOfParts Sun 16-Dec-12 15:01:15

I think that my PiL would like me to call them Mum & Dad. DFiL phoned up and said 'Hello, it's Dad' a few days after my own father had died. I was rather short with him that day.

I call them by their first names. If we had a distant relationship then I would call them Mr & Mrs.

To call them Mum & Dad would feel as though I had a child/parent relationship with them. In my area I think that calling PiL Mum & Dad is fairly normal but would feel wrong to me.

TwitchyTail Sun 16-Dec-12 15:05:28

YANBU. I don't know anyone who does that.

I call mine "your parents" (to husband), "[husband's name]'s parents" (to others), and first names to their faces.

Viviennemary Sun 16-Dec-12 15:08:26

No I personally wouldn't as they are not my Mum and Dad. But if other people want to do that and are comfortable with it then that's up to them.

Selim Sun 16-Dec-12 15:08:28

I call mine the equivalent of mum and dad in their native language. Before we were married I called them Auntie and uncle.

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