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Trivial christmas card aibu but just want to know as it's irked me slightly

(12 Posts)
ballroomblitz Fri 14-Dec-12 22:51:25

I have a ds from a previous relationship before getting together with (now ex) fiance. We have a newborn dd together. All good as we were friends for years before getting together and it's amiciable.

I don't know his mum that well as she lives few hours drive away but have been down a good few times and ds has always been with us. Received Christmas card from her today and it's addressed to me and dd. DD's name on the front and inside it she wrote she wished dd and I a lovely Christmas. Enclosed is two prayer card type things (she's Christian) for both of us. No mention of ds at all.

I find that strange and a bit rude tbh not acknowledging my other child, who she has met a few times. He's 5 so not like he's a stroppy teenager who has possibly caused offence at some stage.

Aibu for it to bug me or am I being oversensitive? I know ds is nothing to do with her but he's only a child and it wouldn't have cost much to write his name on the card too, as he is part of my wee family.

deleted203 Fri 14-Dec-12 22:55:00

I think it tactless, certainly, and you are not being oversensitive. As you say, it wouldn't have cost anything to write his name on two (and putting only two prayer cards in is a little UnChristian IMO). You are a mother with TWO children. If relationship with Ex is amicable I think I would mention casually in passing that you were a little hurt that his DM excluded your son and leave it at that.

BarceyDussell Fri 14-Dec-12 22:59:55

Maybeshe forgot his name?

ballroomblitz Fri 14-Dec-12 23:11:38

I'm know I'm very protective of ds because he had a hard start in life so wasn't too sure if I was being oversensitive. Yes, it felt like a bit of a snub on his behalf with the prayer cards. I will tell exf I'm a bit hurt by it. Was going to tonight only he's heading up to see her now and didn't want him to get annoyed with either me or her driving that far.

She couldn't possibly forget his name barcey as it's the same as one of her grandsons

whois Sat 15-Dec-12 01:24:16

A bit tactless but your DS is nothing to her really so it was probably more thoughtlessness than nastiness.

MakeItALarge Sat 15-Dec-12 01:37:08

Id be really pissed off at that. If I send xmas cards then its either the whole families names (ie mrs smith ds and dd) or just Mrs Smith and family.

Leaving one child off is just rude. Also think its irrelevant that its not her biological grandchild, you are not blood related yet recieved a prayer card lucky you.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Sat 15-Dec-12 01:40:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzyizin Sat 15-Dec-12 01:47:53

When/if you send her a card be sure to sign it from you, ds, and dd and maybe she'll take the hint.

LoopsInHoops Sat 15-Dec-12 02:17:05

I was fostered, and the amount of people who put me on my foster family's card at xmas was usually less than 50%.

I've spoken to one set of their friends (who knew me well, saw me weekly at least) who never included me since being an adult. They say it was because they felt like my presence was detracting attention from my foster DSises, and I didn't deserve them to focus attention on me any more than the foster parents were already. confused

People are weird, tactless and hurtful. Nothing you can do about it but it's not nice. sad

LoopsInHoops Sat 15-Dec-12 02:17:46

(sorry, I have spoken to them since being an adult, not complaining that they haven't included me since being an adult, that would be weird!)

kickassangel Sat 15-Dec-12 02:23:05

Loops that is just awful. sad

I never know the best thing to do. Dh was working away all last week and I had to get christmas cards sent out. I ended up writing cards to an old school friend of his that i've never met. It felt a bit odd, but I wrote them a quick note. I couldn't remember the names of their 2 kids and although they're married they both have acting names and rl names so I was very confused about what to actually write in the card.

When in doubt I put 'and family' or something equally vague and lacking in any real thought.

kickassangel Sat 15-Dec-12 02:25:31

Sorry, ignored op. YANBU

It does sound like she's decided that your ds is no relative of hers but I bet she sends cards to other people who she isn't related to

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