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To be annoyed at being called fat by my dad!

(36 Posts)
CharlieMumma Fri 14-Dec-12 12:11:40

Have only been called fat twice int life once when I was 15 by my mums uncle and now today by my bloody father!! Iv got a sore back today think I slept funny and am feeling bit under weather. Am sat on sofa with my ds and simply said 'oh my back is sore today don't know what to do about it' he poked my stomach and said well u need to get rid of that lump in the front. hmm My ds is 22 months and this year Iv lost a stone and a half. I'm a size 14-16 and was starting to feel I was getting there. Now I just feel shit and fat and upset!

WinklyVersusTheZombies Fri 14-Dec-12 12:16:36

YANBU, that was a pricky thing for him to say. My granda poked my stomach when I was a teenager and commented on my 'spare wheel', but he was a hateful git anyway.

Well done on your weight loss. A nice warm bath with radox could help your back.

scuzy Fri 14-Dec-12 12:16:41

poke yourself in ths stomach and say "i can lose this" then poke him in the face and say "but your stuck with that!"

Goldenbear Fri 14-Dec-12 12:21:07

YANBU, is he always do tactless? Two days after I gave birth to my DS my Dad came to visit and said, 'Are you expecting another one?', in response I protested at his rudeness, highlighting that I had just given birth and he proceeded to tell me how my Mum (they are divorced) never looked like she was still pregnant after giving birth. TBF she did look slim but she denied this was the case and told my Dad to zip it. My Dad is always like this though - if you don't laugh you cry!

LondonElfInFestiveCheerBoots Fri 14-Dec-12 12:26:53

Tell him bluntly to fuck off, be as rude back, its what I do when my dad tells me I'm fat. Or spend all of Christmas making snide comments about how much HE eats, that's the only way to shut my Nana up about my weight, every time she makes a remark, make one back Nana: 'If you eat biscuits you'll get REALLY fat, got to watch your waistline girl' Me: 'I think I can get away with a biscuit after dinner, after all I don't have three spooks of sugar in tea'. Or say 'I'm still a little overweight as I've just had a baby, what's your excuse for being such a dick?' had a bit too much experience in fielding fat comments despite right now being a size 10 and at my largest ever

CharlieMumma Fri 14-Dec-12 12:47:00

Love the suggestions! Why are people such arseholes - I'm well aware I have a bit more to loose its also not the first time he's said it. Doesn't help that's he and my sister are both stick thin whatever they eat! Iv inherited my mums more curvy nature but jeez I'm not in the two aeroplane seats bracket yet hmm hot bath sounds good once the little man is in bed!!

MogTheForgetfulCat Fri 14-Dec-12 13:07:30

O god, my dad does this. He has even been known to ask me over the phone (he lives in Scotland, we don't get to actually see each other that often) how much I weigh at the moment shock. I am used to it now, but it does naff me off. I am not fat, btw. Just don't know why he cares about this one thing so much. Idiot.

Sorry he made you feel crap, have some thanks.

giveitago Fri 14-Dec-12 14:23:45

Yes, be offended. My dfil (now deceased) fil to be very first question to me was how much I weighed. I was so shocked that I told him and then he turned to his younger daughter and said something along the lines that she'd need to lose 20k to be my size.

My sil is now nearly 40 (20 years on) and still has huge eating and weight issues.

Thats his legacy.

concernedrose Fri 14-Dec-12 19:05:36

this is a tricky one, yes, feel offended, but it may be he is worried for your health, DD (24) is happy, beautiful, kind, confident, popular, sucessful in a career she loves, engaged to a lovely man, active, and loves life. Everything i could want in a DD. she was a slim child/teenager, bought up with a balanced approach to food, ie, everything in moderation. But in her time at uni she put on 4 stone, thanks to a diet of junk food, and has never lost it. She knows she should loose weight, but likes food too much, i must add that she doesnt eat junk food any longer, and doesnt drink alcohol, but knows her portion size is the problem. I worry about her constantly, about the affect this has on her health, and have been guilty of suggesting she should loose weight for the sake of her health, am i wrong for doing this???? if it is said in a supportive way, and not as an insult, is it then acceptable??? all the publicity about children predeceasing their parents due to obesity related problems, is a huge concern

CharlieMumma Fri 14-Dec-12 19:53:06

I think there are time it needs to be tactfully mentioned but poking u in the stomach isn't that great really especially as I'm steadily trying my best and yes December the month of Christmas foods and party's and fun I haven't been that great.
I'm 5.7 and 12 and a half stone so a stone to loose till I'm in the normal weight range. I'm 27 and have a nearly 2 year old. With ur dd she is more than old enough to know about her weight and that she's a bit too big. Bringing it up is probably just going to be upsetting. I do agree children and young teenagers need guidance tho to prevent childhood obesity.

MrsHoarder Fri 14-Dec-12 19:57:51

Concerned: no excuse for commenting. She presumably has a mirror and is aware that she could be slimmer. Therefore commenting is just rude, whatever your motivation.

And yes evenadd adults pressure woot weight causes more harm than good.

marjproops Fri 14-Dec-12 20:10:47

When I was a teen I was as thin as posh spice yet dad still called me fat.

so much so I ended up in hospital with anorexia cause i just stopped eating, i was so upset by him.

Im in my 40s now, having given birth, and yes, Im now a size 12-14 yet hes got more flesh than jabba the hut and STILL calls ME fat.

Ive bought him a katy price bra for christmas and a pair of giant pants!!!!

JustCallMeDavesHorse Fri 14-Dec-12 20:14:37

Have you gently poked his stomach? And train your ds to say 'pure muscle' a la peppa pig??

giveitago Fri 14-Dec-12 20:16:58

YANBU - the first question my fil to be asked me when he first met me was how much I weighed. I was so shocked I just told him. Then as cool as a cucumber he turned to his daughter (then about 19) and told her she'd need to drop about 20 kilos to be my weight.

That girl is now my sil and turning 40 in a few weeks and still has this horrible eating disorder (throwing up and dieting pills). Her entire bloody character is based on her eating disorder now.She won't have children as she's now horribly skinny and looks odd and doesn't want to put on a pound. Her dfather long dead but her horrible issues with food continue.

blackcurrants Fri 14-Dec-12 20:19:13

concernedrose my mum tried this with me when DS was about 19 months old - I need to lose 3 stone and believe me, I know it. I also know that it's bloody hard work losing weight (I've done it before) and at the time, I didn't have the mental or emotional energy to commit to it. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that if she ever mentioned my weight to me again we would have an argument that she would not enjoy, and it would seriously, seriously hurt our relationship.

I'm 33 and have been listening to her carefully-worded 'concern' about my weight since I was 12 years old and a (tall) size 10. I'd day that more than half of my problems with food come from her. So, I suggest you button it. She knows she fat. All fat people do. She'll get there. Leave her be and remember that any kind of pressure to lose weight can make an emotional eater feel shit and therefore eat more.

Sorry for hijack OP. I think being extremely rude back - or just saying "If you ever mention my weight again we will fall out, and you will not enjoy it." is totally reasonable.

thebody Fri 14-Dec-12 20:21:29

What a complete twat op... How DARE he mention your weight anyway.

Ignore, have a nice bubbly bath and a glass of wine love.

Hugs x

MoomieAndFreddie Fri 14-Dec-12 20:22:27

YANBU

how rude

why are some people so tactless? the day after i had DD, MIL came to see us in hospital and the first thing she said before she had even noticed the baby hmm was <points at my still pg looking belly? "ooh you got a bit to lose there havent you moomie"

3 1/2 years later and i still hate her for it. <disclaimer> its not the only rude, tactless thing she has said, just the worst one sad

concernedrose Fri 14-Dec-12 20:23:05

the trouble is that weight is such an emotive issue, in my professional life, when a patient comes to see me, i have to enquire about their smoking status, and if a smoker, do they want help to stop. I also ask about their alcohol intake, and offer appropriate advice if this is above reccomended amounts. However, i would think twice about commenting on someones weight (unless obviously impacting on health), for fear of causing offence, but in reality, obesity is a serious health concern, just as much as smoking and a high alcohol intake. With ref to DD, i have never asked her weight, i have no idea what she weighs, and have only ever offered support, and have never been critical of her size. And yes, Mrs H, she is fully aware, but it doesnt stop me worrying about the long term affects on her health, in the same way i would worry if she had an alcohol problem, or was a heavy smoker.......

fluffiphlox Fri 14-Dec-12 20:24:17

Come on now people, you 'lose' weight not 'loose' it. And yes he sounds like a complete arse.

Coming from a family of plain speakers, I wouldn't be bothered if someone said that to me.
I know I'm wearing a bit of extra timber, so if they did say that I'd probably initially think hmm] but then think yes they've got a point.
Then be even more determined to shift the extra poundage grin

concernedrose Fri 14-Dec-12 20:34:04

sorry charliemumma, my post must have sounded unympathetic, and i really didnt mean to, and i think that you must have felt very hurt from what your dad did, especially as you felt you were getting somewhere. I would fully expect DD to tell me where to go if i ever was so blatent about her overweightness by poking her tummy

CharlieMumma Fri 14-Dec-12 20:38:15

Thanks everyone I was in years when I wrote my original post but now u have all cheered me up. Can't believe some of the other posts as well!

Yes plain speaking is fine but when he knows damn well I'm trying and have lost weight already he can sod of! I agree as well being told I was fat at 15 defiantly lead to eating problems and mild bulimia when I was 15-18 which he never knew about. Luckily dp is very supportive without being so tactless!

CharlieMumma Fri 14-Dec-12 20:38:32

Oops tears I mean!

NotGoodNotBad Fri 14-Dec-12 20:50:24

My mum did this to me recently. angry

Think she's just gleeful at the thought of me catching her up - I've always been the slim one and she's always been the big one. But really, how rude! I've never said anything like that to her about her considerable weight. She's always made comments actually, even when I was slim - big tummy, big bum, whatever. Took me years to see myself as I really was.

Darkesteyes Fri 14-Dec-12 21:13:45

My parents are a bit like this. I think we should all be reminding them who will be choosing their nursing homes.

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