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To feel upset and tearful about staying with SIL

(211 Posts)
Ghanagirl Thu 13-Dec-12 21:04:24

i'll try and keep this brief, we are having our house extended it was supposed to be finished mid November, but has overran despite builders saying if we moved out it would be completed in 4 months!
We initially rented a small flat (me DH plus 2 kids) but lease ran out last week and due to tight finances we moved in with DH's sister her husband plus their two kids who are older but attend same primary school. I really didn't want to move in with them but as I'm not working and finances tight plus DH putting me under pressure felt like no other choice, (my mum made it clear her house too small)
Anyway since we've been here I've done all school runs which is quite stressful as the older two (DH's nieces) are used to getting up late and generally being late for school I pick all kids up and even drop older twonto activities, but I'm getting really stressed and tired as when SIL gets home from work she has taken to going to rest while I try and manage all kids homework dinner etc, my two are now starting to play up and I'm on the edge of tears most days. Advice please I'm dreading Christmas we are supposed to be back in our house next week but can't see it happeningsad

Ghanagirl Thu 13-Dec-12 21:52:23

drjohnson I guess you feel superior to sahms but what's wrong with sacrificing a salary to give your kids attention, plus my SIL hates spending time with her kids she told me herself I guess your also like that

YourHandInMyHand Thu 13-Dec-12 21:52:49

Surely if work meant to be finished soon some of your house must be liveable? Have you been going round to check progress?

I'd tell them you'll be moving back in and will manage while they complete the work. Why are you not having the heating on? It's been freezing last few days, it's not reasonable to expect you to be in an unheated house all day.

The homework issue - can you not just say to SIL "my DC needs my help with x homework tonight so you will need to help out yours as I don't have enough attention to go round them all".

honeytea Thu 13-Dec-12 21:53:07

I am a sahm (well not even a sahm yeat a sahm-to be) so it isn't that I think that working is worth more than not working.

If I had to live with you I would be locking myself in my bedroom you don't sound like a very nice person to be around. All I said was that 7 hours work isn't really a hard life especially when in return for free rent and you felt the need to say rude things to me.

CaptainVonTrapp Thu 13-Dec-12 21:53:18

tbh I'm surprised at the SIL. Isn't the reason for working part time that you get to do some of the pick ups/homework etc?

Especially if the SIL doesn't even need to worry about catering as the OP has already shopped and cooked for 8.

Narked Thu 13-Dec-12 21:54:31

So she does 'all the cooking cleaning and shopping including paying for food' and all the childcare. Do you want her to shove a broom up her arse and sweep the floor while she's at it????

Some really shitty attitudes on here.

YourHandInMyHand Thu 13-Dec-12 21:55:12

The school runs and cooking I wouldn't have a problem with (am a SAHM myself). I would be greatful to have a place to stay and would appreciate that a family of 4 moving in is an imposition. I wouldn't be willing to do homework though.

drjohnsonscat Thu 13-Dec-12 21:56:37

Op you are not helping yourself here. Honey tea should f off and I don't like spending time with my kids? Weird.

Ghanagirl Thu 13-Dec-12 21:56:57

Okay honeytea wait till you have child before you start giving advice it's really hard work weather you go out to work or stay at home and work

chunkythighs Thu 13-Dec-12 21:57:30

* AIBU?*
^Yes.....yes you are!!!^
No, no I'm not!
^Yes you really are^
My sil doesn't work FT, and she's a bad mother!!!
^You are still BU^
Fuck you! I an soooo not unreasonable


OliviaPeaceOnMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 13-Dec-12 21:58:04

Evening all
Peace and Love

drjohnsonscat Thu 13-Dec-12 21:58:52

Spot on chunky grin

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Thu 13-Dec-12 21:59:10

Quick! Hide! Olivia is watching. You know she grasses on people to Santa...

CaptainVonTrapp Thu 13-Dec-12 22:00:30

Yes Narked she should shove a broom up her arse and sweep the floor, hopefully that will keep her warm then she wont need to put the central heating on either...

Ghanagirl Thu 13-Dec-12 22:00:44

As for not being a nice person my SIL DH has not stopped going on about how happy kids are since we moved in, as I said don't mind helping out but don't think I should do everything as we are also contributing financially

Ghanagirl Thu 13-Dec-12 22:01:48

Grow up

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Thu 13-Dec-12 22:03:01

Who was the grow up to? It's hard to keep track.

MouseyHousey Thu 13-Dec-12 22:04:07

Ghanagirl you have been incredibly rude to posters who are just trying to show you a different perspective. Perhaps you SIL goes for a rest because she doesnt want to spend anytime with you, frankly I cant blame her.
Before you start insulting me and telling me I obviously have no idea I was in exactly your position for 2 months earlier this year. I was thankful to my BIL and his DW for putting us up as we had nowhere else to go. I am a SAHM too and taking their DS to school and cooking a meal for everyone in the evening was the least I could do to thank them for opening up their house to me and my family.
You sound incredibly ungrateful. If you dont like the situation pay to stay in a b&b or similar until your house is finished.

Ghanagirl Thu 13-Dec-12 22:04:15

Some really bitter nasty people on mumsnet, can't believe some of the comments

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Thu 13-Dec-12 22:05:41

A word to the wise, Ghanagirl. You would get quite a lot of sympathy, especially from me, having to live in cramped quarters with family <shudders>. However, being rude and confrontational and arsey with people on AIBU the clue is in the name won't win you any sympathy on here.

Ghanagirl Thu 13-Dec-12 22:06:05

Mouseyhousey she told me she doesn't enjoy spending time with her kids

LimeLeafLizard Thu 13-Dec-12 22:07:31

This arrangement obviously isn't working out for you and tbh it doesn't sound like it is great for SIL / her family either.

Can you stay in a B&B for a week and then go to your family for Christmas?

And I agree with whoever said to go round and check how your builders are doing (give them a kick up the bum) and set a moving back in date.

SantasComingEarlyHisSackIsFull Thu 13-Dec-12 22:09:03

Why is this about what you and SIL do/don't do? I have asked you several times about your partner in all of this and you haven't answered. What about BIL? Why aren't the men's actions/lack of action an issue?

honeytea Thu 13-Dec-12 22:09:25

Okay honeytea wait till you have child before you start giving advice it's really hard work weather you go out to work or stay at home and work

I worked with kids before my maternity leave, many more than 4. I like kids, especially ones in my family, I see spending time with my small siblings and cousins as a pleasure not a chore. I have my younger sister to stay with us for weeks at a time just because she is a lovely person.

SantasComingEarlyHisSackIsFull Thu 13-Dec-12 22:09:44

"mens' "sorry, not "men's" tsk tsk.

chunkythighs Thu 13-Dec-12 22:10:20

Honey, did you ever hear the phrase 'don't bite the hand that feeds you'?

Regarding the school runs-there is no extra effort in picking up your nieces/nephews. Remember you are already at the school to collect your children. It is the very least you can do.

Of course you should clean up the house ! You are in the house on your own all day- I assume that your school going children don't need your 'attention' when they are in school. Do you realise how much work and mess an extra 4 people make in a house?

Cook the damn dinner- show your appreciation. You would be cooking dinner anyway just double the portions, what's the problem?

Could you make up your mind on weather or not you are paying rent?

If none of that suits, move out!

btw- stop making this stay at home vs working mums. It's a fact that I work to get away from my child- I couldn't give a crap about the mortgage......

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