Please help me guys, I'm stuck in my head and can't see whether iabu or if I am just expecting too much...
I'm considering ending my relationship with the father of my 3mo DD. I have been very unhappy since DD was born, my life has changed to something unrecognisable, I don't blame him for this and I do understand this is just what happens when u become a parent but I feel that he is unable or unwilling to make changes to his life to accommodate our new circumstances. On his days off he goes out with friends or he sits in front of the tv and says he doesn't want to do anything as he is "tired". He does sometimes work until late but he often goes out after work and my argument then is that he has made that choice. He also doesn't consider 8hrs enough sleep and will then nap for a few hrs in the afternoon.
He also seems to treat DD as an inconvenience and if I ask him to watch her he will put her on her playmat and then play games on his phone or watch tv. He did a few morning feeds recently but I have stopped asking him as I woke to find her on the floor crying and he had gone back to sleep on the sofa.
He occasionally offers to do housework but applies the same half arsed effort to this and I have to do it again anyway so have stopped asking for help here too.
BUT... He is a good man. He constantly surprises me with how intelligent he is and he obviously cares very much for DD. he's not abusive or unkind in any way.
AIBU? My family keep telling me "he does more than a lot of men" or say I'm a nag and am unfair to him. I think sometimes I do expect him to 'entertain' me as since having DD I have lost all my friends (none of whom have children) and I am painfully lonely.
Please let me know what u think. I won't be offended if told I sound like a nagging nightmare.
AIBU?
To want to end my relationship?
Jen547 · 13/12/2012 19:40
25 is a "young mum" ?
what are you talking about ? 
it sounds like your "partner" is nothing of the sort
you like him because he is "intelligent" (have you always thought you are punching above your weight and feel somewhat grateful that he chose you ?) and he is company for you ? Is that all ? Oh yes...he's a "good dad". I beg to differ there. A "good dad" does his share of childcare and shitwork, and doesn't make the woman he is supposed to love feel like she is asking for favours to expect it
I suggest you start getting out and about with baby, join some mother and baby groups, then later go back to work etc
this man should not be the centre of your universe...he doesn't fulfil the criteria of "wonderful partner" at all
I wouldn't listen to your family, btw...it sounds like they have low standards as to what constitutes a "good man" too
I luff you AnyFucker. Well said.
OP instead of focusing on him I'd focus on you. Try to get out to baby groups, library, coffee mornings, etc. You are not a young mum and please don't worry about what people may think of you! Build up your confidence and self esteem and try and build up a few other local mums to meet up with. Mumsnet and netmums both have local meet up sections for this.
He sounds rather crap and useless but he may adapt I guess. 
Bit cyical though. Good dads don't leave baby crying on the floor mat while they go back to sleep on the sofa.
Relate usually offer a sliding scale for payment.
anyfucker - I have never felt that I wasn't good enough for him, if anything I used to feel a bit smug that I have a profession and good qualifications while he works a min wage job. I just love that when ignorant people like myself judge him I now know he actually has 'layers' and so much more about him than I sometimes give him credit for. I appreciate the support and advice tho :)
And hey! I am young 
lol
Where did you get the idea you were a young mum
You are 25 not 14.
You have a lazy partner who is not pulling his weight and the less you let him do, the less he will do and allow you to carry on.
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Jen I am 44 and have been with DP for 26 years and we are still not married. Even if we did get married, I'll not be changing my name, so if people will judge you, I'm sure they'll judge me before they know me 
There will always be someone who judges you, people are like that, but most people won't care. if you're married or not.
I agree with AnyFucker that a bloke looking after his child is not doing a favour, he's doing what he should be doing as a parent. My DP was always capable of looking after our DCs and provided support from the start.
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