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AIBU?

Possibly unreasonable but a bit uncomfortable

92 replies

Mamateur · 13/12/2012 15:14

Early next year we are taking DP's brother away overseas to a drug rehabilitation clinic. We will be on a plane for 11 hours. To travel he needs to have not taken drugs for about 36 hours. He has come off drugs (heroin) for this amount of time before so I'm pretty sure he can do it. DP wants him to come here to us to go withdraw which I know involves a lot of vomiting and sweating.

AIBU not to want this to happen in our house? We have DS who is 3 and DN lives with us, he's 14 (but has been around his uncle in this state before and is now very anti-drugs as a result). Of course he will promise not to bring drugs into the house, or needles etc. (important, as he has hepatitis and possibly more) but can I be sure? We live somewhere he could reasonably get drugs if he wanted to.

He could go to his mum's but she lives 3 hours away and anyway I don't really trust her to be in control of the situation, and then we would have to get him over to us to get to the airport etc. and I don't want to risk wasting his ticket, treatment etc.

OP posts:

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catgirl1976geesealaying · 13/12/2012 15:17

Eeek

YANBU

Can you and/ or the children go anywhere else for the 3 days?

PippinWoo · 13/12/2012 15:19

Where does he live at the moment?

Could your DP spend the 36 hours with him either at his place or their mum's place and then you could either go to the airport together or meet there ready to set off?

I'd agree that it's not something I'd want happening at home around DC, even if it's a member of the family. Quite a tricky situation when family are involved though so my sympathies. YANBU.

I hope the rehab works.

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight · 13/12/2012 15:20

Unless you live in a very big house I don't know if I could consider this, sorry.

ImAlpharius · 13/12/2012 15:20

YANBU can you go somewher with the children or could DP go with DB to his mums?

Moominsarescary · 13/12/2012 15:23

Can't he go to detox, people can be detoxed from heroin using other medication so they don't have to suffer all the side effects. Or get meds from the doctor so he doesn't go through withdrawal.

bulletwithbutterflywings · 13/12/2012 15:24

I wouldn't do this with a child in the house. Can someone stay with him in a hotel?

HappyJustToBe · 13/12/2012 15:26

YANBU. Dependent on how supportive his DM it sounds like DB and DH going there may be the best idea. You sound brilliant for sticking by him but you're definitely right to protect your children from him.

NatashaBee · 13/12/2012 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamateur · 13/12/2012 15:27

Moomin I will look into those drugs. I didn't know anything about that.

DP has to be here to work.

THe clinic is going to do the treatment but it's just for the flight that he needs to be clean. We are saving money by not doing this part of the treatment in the UK. He's getting implants here when he gets back though.

OP posts:

FreeButtonChristmasTree · 13/12/2012 15:34

I probably wouldn't want my kids around when this was happening but I would arrange for them to be away for the time. It's key that your BIL is fit to fly and probably best for your DH to be on hand to really enforce and deal with this. Do you have your family near by or friends you could get to help out with the kids? Or someone you could go visit for that time?

Not really sure it would be appropriate to take your BIL to a hotel...

waltermittymistletoe · 13/12/2012 15:34

Not with children in the house I'm afraid!

Can you take the children somewhere else for a few days? Is there nobody else who could do it?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/12/2012 15:44

Heroin detox can be dangerous. Is there a medical detox near you? I cannot stress this enough having worked in a rehab, YOU CANNOT TRUST HIM not to bring drugs or needles into your house. Absolutely not. Addicts lie. I would try to get him into a medical detox if there is one available. They will search him properly, which you will not.

Mamateur · 13/12/2012 15:49

Hm, perhaps I'm being a bit naive. It's just that the clinics charge a fortune for this bit which is why we decided to do it abroad. He usually goes to his mum's for a few days which has always worked, but I can't risk him not being fit to fly. Also worried about 11 hours on a plane with him (and DS).

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CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease · 13/12/2012 15:51

Shouldn't it be under medical supervision? I've been around people detoxing from severe alcoholism and had to call an ambulance before. Its always been with detox meds etc. No idea about heroin but can stopping suddenly be dangerous. Even if the clinic elsewhere are helping rehab him I'd be tempted to get help with the initial detox.

I take it he wants to come off?

TwitchyTail · 13/12/2012 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chrismissymoomoomee · 13/12/2012 15:54

He shouldn't detox alone if he is taking it daily, he needs medication to wean himself off it, his body could go into shock. He needs to seek medical advice before he tries this.

Mamateur · 13/12/2012 15:55

This is really making me think. I suppose I just assumed as I know he has done it lots of times before (and stayed clean for a week or two) that it would be ok.

As far as I know he has never even been to his GP to find out what's available.

THe methadone sounds a very good idea. He is vehemently anti-methadone because he does not see it as an improvement, but for this purpose it seems ideal.

OP posts:

omaoma · 13/12/2012 15:57

Hey mamateur, no wise words but just wanted to send my appreciation for your generosity of spirit in wanting to help your BIL get better.

ENormaSnob · 13/12/2012 15:58

Yanbu at all.

No way would I have this in my home with children there.

Mamateur · 13/12/2012 15:59

Thanks Omaoma and everyone. Very useful advice. I will talk to DP in a bit.

OP posts:

lightrain · 13/12/2012 16:00

Frankly, there's no way on earth I would let him in the house with my young child. Yanbu in any way, shape or form. I wouldn't be that keen on taking a long plane journey with him either, to be honest.

You're great to support and stick by him but don't feel uncomfortable or bad for putting your children first in this situation.

SouthernComforts · 13/12/2012 16:03

I was going to ask about the flight. Will they let a sweating, agitated, vomitting man on a flight? (No direct experience so I don't know how long that stage lasts)

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease · 13/12/2012 16:04

Why is he going abroad if he's never been to the Dr about it? I'd be tempted to see what provision is available through the drugs and alcohol teams here.

I'd also be slightly wary of him being abroad. Are you sure you will be able to get him back? Rather sadly my mother had to be sedated to fly home from a holiday once. I'm not sure how legal it was but there was no way they would have let her on the plane otherwise.

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight · 13/12/2012 16:08

Shall PM you.

waltermittymistletoe · 13/12/2012 16:16

He's never been to his GP about it? That's what he needs to do.

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