Baby at funeral(62 Posts)
Not sure what to do. A close family relative passed away this week, and the funeral will be next week. I am ebf my 6 week old baby and haven't expressed or tried a bottle of ebm.
The funeral will be a couple of hours away, so a fair bit of travelling.
I want to go, but am worried about the logistics of it all, and whether taking such a young baby is correct etiquette. I could feasibly just attend the wake rather than the full church service and interment.
So not so much aibu, rather more looking for advice/other people's experiences of babies and funerals so I can plan what's going to be best for everyone involved
My nephew was only a few weeks old at my FIL's funeral, it was lovely having a little baby there to remind us that amidst the sadness there was new life, and FIL loved being a Granddad even though it was only for a short time and we were glad to be reminded of that.
I think be prepared to unobtrusively leave the service at the gristles and grumbles and possibly be prepared for lots of passing around of your baby as newborn cuddles can be very comforting.
Slightly on an aside, I went to a lot of funerals as a child when I was quite aware of what was going on (Grandparents and beloved Aunts and Uncles) and I think it is good for children to both say goodbye to people they loved too, and to learn about death and its rituals. However I was also taken to church weekly so knew how to behave in quite a formal environment which is possibly a hard thing to learn as a one off. I do think that attending funerals as a child made coping with the myriad of funerals I was faced with in my early 20s much less daunting.
FIL died when DS1 was 7 weeks old. DS1 was EBF. MIL wanted us all at the wedding for support - we stayed with her for a week while all was being organised, DS1 came to the service and the wake - he slept most of the time in his car seat and everyone was fine with him being there. If he got grotty, DH or I or MIL would take him for a walk/jiggle and I bf him as and when needed. We left the wake early as he was getting grizzly but DH stayed with MIL and SIL.
I think its fine - but would suggest checking with the family members hosting the funeral if its ok.
I can't see it being a problem. I took ds to my grandma's funeral when he was 9 weeks old and he was in a wrap sling and slept the whole time. A lot of people said it was nice to see a baby there. I think it'd be more difficult with toddlers or preschoolers, and I had to leave my older 2 dc with a friend to go to my grandad's funeral last year. Speaking of which, GordonsAlive, seeing your name on this thread did make me smile as my first thought was, err, no he's not...
Sorry for your loss OP. I sat right at the front with my family, but I made sure the funeral directors knew I had a pram with me too, they stashed it away at the back and just said to let myself out the side door if needs be.
I think it depends entirely on your relationship to the deceased and immediate family. My dad passed away a few months ago and someone brought a baby along and it screamed throughout my brother's eulogy. I couldn't hear what he was saying. I was so angry I wanted to stand up and tell them to get out. It was one of my dad's neighbours who was babysitting her grandkid. Totally not acceptable. On the other hand, my sister brought her 3 little ones because she needed them there to say goodbye to granddad (and so did my mum). They could have run riot if they wanted and it would have been fine. They were as good as gold though.
How are you likely to be at the funeral though.
It's ok everyone saying sit at the back but it is a close relative. Are you likely to get upset and started crying a lot? I wouldn't want to be holding my baby if I was feeling too emotional and I wouldn't want to be sat at the back ready to leave at a close relatives funeral but with the rest of my family.
I'm likely to be quite tearful - haven't managed a conversation with my mum without tears since he was admitted to hospital last week.
I recently took my baby (then 6 months old) to my Nanna's funeral. I sat at the back, so if I needed to escape quickly because of crying etc I could. One of the ladies showed me a room I could BF in if I wanted to.
I carried him in a sling, and retreated to the BF room a couple of times to feed. Then he fell asleep, and didn't wake up again until everyone was leaving. The service lasted about an hour. After that, we went to the wake, where he gobbled up most of the buffet. I did end up BF in the loo, and then in a quiet corner, because the pub where we were having the wake was full of blokes I didn't know, and he's not great at BF in public! Then he was passed around pretty much everyone in the pub till he fell asleep again!
Oh, and I cried a lot while at the funeral too. She was my gorgeous Nanna, and he is her first great-grandchild, and she never got to see him.
In theory I think it's a lovely idea, but if you get upset it's likely the baby will get upset, and then you're going to have to get up and leave - while still being upset. I think that's very hard on you. Is your P going to be there with you? Maybe he could be in charge of baby-wrangling, or someone else has suggested a friend could step in.
People like babies - funerals are about the celebration of life - what better way then arminder that everyone lives on through the next generations genes?
Take the baby, everyone will want to see him/her and he/she will put a smile on everyones face.
I'm another one that says, take your baby with you! I took DS when he was 6 months old to my father-in-law's funeral. He was a welcome distraction and of course lots of family members got to see him.
Take him and it will be fine!
catgirl1976geesealaying YY I think babies make funerals less funereal if you get my drift. Less bleak.
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