Advanced search not feeling comfortable with leaving my precious 5 wk old baby with MIL?!

(299 Posts)
havingastress Tue 11-Dec-12 20:48:40

I've posted before - don't have the best relationship with the MIL..

Anyway. She is now pressurising me massively to leave our baby with her overnight (without me) and I just don't feel comfortable at all. I'm running out of ways to say No - she just will not let it lie. She also wants us to go for extended stays, when frankly I can't bear spending more than a couple of hours at their house (they have big dogs which they refuse to put away and I'm allergic to them) as I find her such bloody hard work.

If I'm honest, the only person (other than my DH) who I feel comfortable leaving her with right now is my mum. But after all, she's my mum! MIL might be my DD's granny, but I really don't know her that well and I just would never forgive myself if something happened.

So, AIBU to keep saying No to the MIL? Or is she being unreasonable expecting to spend alone time with DD and complaining that my mum gets 'better access' (her words)

and yes, realise I am probably being PFB about this too

Will take on board all comments smile

AlmostAChristmasHipster Tue 11-Dec-12 20:49:48

YANBU. in your shoes, I wouldn't be talking to her at all.

Roseformeplease Tue 11-Dec-12 20:51:08

You should resist all calls to leave your baby alone with anyone at 5 weeks. Surely they, as mothers, must understand that the bond is too strong to be broken just yet. Are you breaks feeding? That provides a good excuse. If not, just say you are not comfortable yet.

Bearcrumble Tue 11-Dec-12 20:53:37

The baby is far too young to be separated from you overnight. She has the dogs. Just keep saying no and don't feel pressurised to visit.

I'm sorry she is putting this pressure on you but what you say goes, so stay firm!

KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat Tue 11-Dec-12 20:53:39

At 5 weeks, YANBU to not want to leave your baby anywhere, with anyone.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy Tue 11-Dec-12 20:54:12

Absolutely no way. I know it's easy to say from here but you don't need excuses. Just a simple "sorry, I'm not ready to be away from her yet." should suffice. And repeat as often as required.

ledkr Tue 11-Dec-12 20:54:57

It's perfectly acceptable and normal not to leave your 5 week old baby.
Just say "I'm sorry but I don't want to be apart from him until he is much older thank you" I wonder if she left hers that young.
My baby is 22 months and I wouldn't dream if leaving her anywhere overnight we have babysitters in our home so she's in her own bed and I'm here in the morning even if slightly hungover grin

MerryLindor Tue 11-Dec-12 20:55:33

YANBU to not want to leave your DD with anyone else right now. Certainly not overnight.

Practice saying, 'No, I am not comfortable leaving DD alone overnight at the moment'.

Don't expand on that.

And don't ever argue with the fact that your mum is your mum and she is not, cause that weakens your case. Your MIL has the exact same relationship to your DD as your mum does, and presumably your DH knows her well.

What does your DH say:?

BrianButterfield Tue 11-Dec-12 20:55:37

Nope, you don't have to leave your baby and especially not at a house with 'big dogs' (I know dogs and babies can co-exist but it's OK not to be happy with it).

SenoritaViva Tue 11-Dec-12 20:55:50

Dd is 5 and ds is 1. I still don't like leaving them with anyone else and rarely have. I think the fact that she's pressurising you speaks volumes. Just don't do it. Have you got dh's support?

whatsforyou Tue 11-Dec-12 20:56:28

It is difficult because you can't help how you feel but I do think you are B a bit U just because of this
If I'm honest, the only person (other than my DH) who I feel comfortable leaving her with right now is my mum. But after all, she's my mum!
Your MIL is your DH's mum so should have the same rights as yours.

If you were not comfortable having your LO away from you at all then I would say you were not at all BU but what you are really saying is you don't trust your DH's Mum, how does he feel about that?

I think no one should be pressured into having their LO away from them for overnights until they are ready but the 'my mum is different' argument doesn't sit right with me I'm afraid and won't help your relationship with MIL hmm

Fecklessdizzy Tue 11-Dec-12 20:56:32

Overnight stay at 5 weeks! She's having a laugh! Are you feeding her ( baby, not MIL grin ) yourself? If you are there's your way out and if she's on the bottle it's still way too soon for the two of you to be apart for so long.

To be honest, badly controlled big dogs and a tiny baby are a dodgy prospect too. Keep saying no.

HollyBerryBush Tue 11-Dec-12 20:57:55

You leave your baby with your Dh and your mum - your baby is also your DHs baby? what does he have to say about it?

Although, for the sake of a sleepover, no I wouldnt be leaving a 5 week old anywhere. Babysitting for a night out, yes, babysitting for the sake of it, no.

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas Tue 11-Dec-12 20:58:12

YANBU Your baby is 5 weeks, you're not ready to leave her, end of.

FreudianLisp Tue 11-Dec-12 20:58:25

YADNBU! My twins are two years old and I wouldn't leave them with anyone other than my husband overnight yet.

Saltytomato Tue 11-Dec-12 20:58:52

I have a 6 month old who I don't even let my own mum look after overnight, and she doesn't even have a dog....

DowagersHump Tue 11-Dec-12 20:58:58

I found it difficult being separated from my baby for 1 hour at 5 weeks. There is no way I could have done an overnight. Tell her to piss off and get your DH in your corner.

thebody Tue 11-Dec-12 20:59:31

Of course you shouldn't. I wouldn't have. Far far too little.


havingastress Tue 11-Dec-12 21:00:12

She doesn't just have the dogs, she has a 4 month old grandson! (from her daughter) who practically lives with her.

I actually lied to her hmm we haven't told her that I've stopped breastfeeding, as I thought using that as an excuse would stop her. It hasn't. She just keeps saying I should express enough to keep her going and send her with milk!

I would rather they came here to visit but she says it's too far to come for the day (2 hr drive). Personally I think it's a bit off making us drive down with the baby!

She really made me feel awful tonight - going on and on again about why on earth we won't stay over, why won't I let her have her on her own, why can't she take her on her own etc etc.

I just hope it doesn't cause massive rows with my DH cos I really feel his mother is a nutcase, and 5 wks post pregnancy hormones are still racing and I've become a lot more vocal than normal!!!

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Tue 11-Dec-12 21:00:47

What on earth does she want a 5 week old baby for an overnight stay for? hmm

She is mad to want to separate an infant from his mum.

thegreylady Tue 11-Dec-12 21:01:09

I am having my first sleepover with dgs this weekend-he is 3.9! It will be his first without mum or dad.If you did leave dd at 5 weeks then YWBU imho smile

MikeOxard Tue 11-Dec-12 21:03:20

5 weeks and she wants baby overnight - is she mad? A baby isn't a bloody toy to be passed about for people to have a go with. At that age the baby needs to be with you as much as possible. Just say no. Not until much older, and even then not at all if you aren't satisfied that dd will be kept safe from the dogs.

SamSmalaidh Tue 11-Dec-12 21:03:54

Just say no, sorry - it's crazy. You're not going to send your 5 week old to stay 2 hours away. Maybe you have to be blunt and say, not now, maybe in 6 months, so please stop asking as it is stressing you out.

FreudianLisp Tue 11-Dec-12 21:03:59

She expects you to drive for two hours with a 5-week-old! No, no and no. (OK my husband drove our boys for two hours at the same age to see his mum, but that was because she was days away from death. sad )

She is being ridiculous. Tell her to ask again when your little one is five years, not five weeks.

KindleMum Tue 11-Dec-12 21:04:46

YANBU. I've never left mine overnight and the youngest is 2 now. "Alone" time for GPs must be pretty unusual at 5 weeks!

And I don't buy into the exactly equal treatment of GPs either. What if your parents lived really far away or you hated them or for some other reason they rarely saw the GC - she wouldn't be clamouring for parity then. All parent-grandparent etc relationships are different, different circs, locations, emotions. There's no rule or specific entitlement. Do what you and DH find reasonable.

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