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To think I wasn't in the wrong here?!

(179 Posts)
PenguinBear Tue 11-Dec-12 18:49:40

We sometimes have the little children over the road to play while their mum does the shopping/ has a rest etc. I know she is using me as free child care as DP loves to remind me but my dc love her children so I don't mind having them. This has been going on a couple of years now but they are no bother so it's all good. Their father works from home but I usually only see their mum.

She is currently pregnant and wanted to go with her DH to buy some baby stuff at the weekend so asked if we could have the children for the day. 

I foolishly said yes and we had them for about 8 hours (much longer than expected). I tried to ring but they were 'stuck' in London. hmm
We ended up all going out for dinner in the evening so took them with us, dropped them home, all was well so I thought.

One of them left some bits at our house so I have just dropped them over and her DH answered the door and proceeded to tell me off for letting his children have ice-cream.  I felt like saying well come back when you said you would. They never told me not to let them have ice-cream and it was only a small child's portion after their pizza dinner at a local Italian. 
AIBU to be annoyed? I did them a favour imo and feel like I won't bother next time which is a shame as the children are lovely

Sorry for the long post, thanks if you got to the end!

BlueberryHill Tue 11-Dec-12 19:09:12

Please tell me that you aren't going to do this for them again and tell them why. I hate it when people behave like right arses and get away with it.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Tue 11-Dec-12 19:09:26

seems to me that they have somehow forgotten that you are helping them and have come to feel a little entitled.

Time for you to correct them on that.

DublinMammy Tue 11-Dec-12 19:09:51

What a cheeky, rude, unpleasant man. Can totally understand being too gobsmacked to say anything at the time. Say exactly what HEC suggested if/ when they ask again. I'd be tempted to give them a bill for the dinner, with the ice-cream ostentatiously deducted.....

BlueberryHill Tue 11-Dec-12 19:10:05

YY to Hect, agree completely

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 11-Dec-12 19:10:27

If they didnt tell you in advance then he is being a cock.

Next time you get asked do as a pp says bad say no to after the telling off I got last time

alarkaspree Tue 11-Dec-12 19:10:54

Oh I have seen threads like this before. Your neighbours are crazy (not-crazy people reciprocate childcare favours, and don't dump their children on a kindhearted friend for 8 hours while they go shopping). So next time you refuse to help out so that the mum can have a nap, be prepared for the DH to come over and shout at you for 'letting them down'.

AlistairSim Tue 11-Dec-12 19:13:36

Please tell me you will be saying "NO" next time they ask, Op, because there will be a next time!

PPPop Tue 11-Dec-12 19:13:38

its ice cream fgs, what is wrong with people? he sounds like a complete loon. in fact they both sound cheeky, rude and ungrateful. its a shame, i feel sorry for their children.

PPPop Tue 11-Dec-12 19:15:17

You are the one that should have been giving them a dressing down for taking advantage of you all day. They sound very odd.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Tue 11-Dec-12 19:18:09

You need to say something.

Next time she asks just say:

"You are joking, you expect me to help out with childcare after you left your kids here for 8 hours, and rather than thanking me, I got a telling off from your husband for giving them ice cream."

Then close the door and breathe.

louschmoo Tue 11-Dec-12 19:18:38


What a rude man, he needs a fat slap with a wet kipper (metaphorically speaking, not literally). I would text the mum to say that you're sorry but you can't offer free childcare + meals to her kids any more as you don't like being scolded for not doing things 'their way'.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Tue 11-Dec-12 19:19:37

Yes, that is better, follow lous suggestion.

legopiecemeetbarefeet Tue 11-Dec-12 19:21:48

I would have said... BUT I AWLAYS give them icecream.... they cant come over and not have icecream. Its a tradition!

that'll top them in thier tracks!

YourHandInMyHand Tue 11-Dec-12 19:21:58


I'd be ringing or going over and stating you were upset to get such a horrid telling off after looking after their DCs for EIGHT HOURS and taking them out for tea and would like to make it clear you are no longer available to be used as free child care. Rude rude rude!! angry

What has your DH said?

toomuchturkeyatendofthedinner Tue 11-Dec-12 19:22:39

Yep agree with the other posters. Point out the free child care doesn't include being lectured about feeding them ice cream after 8 hours. Absolute fucking tosser. angry for you, OP.

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 11-Dec-12 19:23:16

Good grief! Some people! YANBU AT ALL. Promise us all, you will NEVER do any more favours for those awful people ever again, and tell them why.

breatheslowly Tue 11-Dec-12 19:23:30

It would be really sad for the wife if you had to say no to looking after them again, particularly with a new baby on the way. But of course you couldn't expect their children to watch yours eating ice cream or deny yours a treat because your neighbours don't want to look after their own children.

You either need to say "no" from now on or tackle this issue. You should not look after someone else's children, pay for their dinner and end up in tears.

verytellytubby Tue 11-Dec-12 19:24:17

That's unbelievable.

I'd have told him to fuck off.

freddiefrog Tue 11-Dec-12 19:25:15

How rude. YANBU

I refuse to look after a friends kids now after I collected them from her child minder as her car broke down and she got really snotty because I didn't give them organic food and I let them have a small treat size Milky Way after dinner (they were around 6 and 8 so not tiny babies).

I did her a last minute favour, like it or lump it

Rowlers Tue 11-Dec-12 19:28:15

I get the impression that you, clearly being a generous and kind-heated soul will have these children again, as they are not to blame for their father's incredibly ill-mannered behaviour. His behaviour is, let's be honest, utterly contemptible and what would worry me, is that he now thinks he can walk all over you.
You MUST speak up about this. I would not wait till the next request but go over when no children are around and let him know how disgraceful this is. As it stands, in my view, he has bullied you and bullies don't change unless confronted.
But that's me. And I know these things are easier said than done.

MrsLyman Tue 11-Dec-12 19:28:29

You were definitely not in the wrong, I wish you were my neighbour.

SauvignonBlanche Tue 11-Dec-12 19:28:57

YANBU at all, cheeky sanctimonious fucker! angry

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Tue 11-Dec-12 19:30:15

Yes, Rowlers is right.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Tue 11-Dec-12 19:31:12

Ungrateful shits! Yadnbu.

They need a jolt to reality. Please stop being so accomodating.

BornToFolk Tue 11-Dec-12 19:35:45

Good grief! I would be incredibly grateful to anyone who would look after my DS for 8 hours straight, unpaid, not to mention taking him out for dinner! The cheek of some people!

It's a tricky one though, if your children enjoy playing with them it seems a shame to deprive them all of that just because their father is an ill mannered idiot.

What you should do is go over and have a word along the lines of "I was very hurt by what you said the other day. I looked after your children all day and bought them dinner and to be honest I expected a thank you rather than a bollocking. I love having your children over but I really don't appreciate being spoken to like that"

However, not sure I'd have the guts to do it...

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