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To wish my father would SHUT THE FUCK UP

(76 Posts)
BalthierBunansa Tue 11-Dec-12 17:27:27

Watching the news at my parents house. News talking about how British whites are a minority in London for the first time. My father decides to make the lovely comment "What a shame. Wogs, wogs and more wogs." followed by me being all angry at him. Then the gay marriage issue comes up and yet again another comment "How disgusting". I finally have enough and shout "No-one wants to hear your disgusting opinions" and then I get a barrage of how he has freedom of speech etc

Some of his "opinions" make me want to cry (especially as a bisexual). AIBU to think he should SHUT UP and keep his nasty racist and homophobic opinions to himself, especially as they are HURTING PEOPLE

Chubfuddler Tue 11-Dec-12 17:46:20

Believe me, the way she said it her feelings were quite clear. first thing she said. Not hello dgd who was with me, not ooh awful weather, but that. We don't even live in London.

Cozy9 Tue 11-Dec-12 17:47:04

Is she wrong for thinking that it is a bad thing?

Chubfuddler Tue 11-Dec-12 17:48:38

Yes I think she is. It is a completely morally neutral sociology-economic phenomenon that the make up of populations change.

richardsimmonstanktop Tue 11-Dec-12 17:50:22

"Don't you find it a scary concept that people shouldn't be able to say what they want, even at home?"

So if you came to my home I could call you all the vile names under the sun and that would be ok?

Cozy9 Tue 11-Dec-12 17:50:25

Did you tell her that?

OwlLady Tue 11-Dec-12 17:50:44

You shoudl feel proud of yourself that despite being brought up with those attitudes you are a normal, rounded person with good moral values smile

Chubfuddler Tue 11-Dec-12 17:50:56

Of course I did.

JoanByers Tue 11-Dec-12 17:52:24

OTOH, it is reasonable to note that there are too many people in and around London, and we are opening the door to even more, to go with the millions that have arrived in the last decade.

I also feel that perhaps if you have lived in, say, the East End for 50 years that it is reasonable to lament change of whatever kind. Though if you live in say Scunthorpe, probably less pertinent.

Cozy9 Tue 11-Dec-12 17:53:05

"So if you came to my home I could call you all the vile names under the sun and that would be ok? "

I wouldn't like it but that still doesn't make it a crime, does it? Censoring people and making people self-censor themselves is a bad thing and does not make anyone change their attitudes. The OP should explain to her parents why increased diversity is a good thing and how it has benefitted them and the country as a whole. Not just tell them to "SHUT UP".

richardsimmonstanktop Tue 11-Dec-12 17:56:14

No of course it's not a crime to say what you like. But this isn't about anyone coming to arrest the OP's dad for censorship. It's about general decency - why would you say something that you knew upset your daughter enough to make her want to cry?

Btw, the OP didn't say 'shut up'.

BalthierBunansa Tue 11-Dec-12 17:57:27

Cozy9 Yes, explaining would be a good idea, but I was just so angry! I will next time the subject comes up (which it inevitably will)

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Tue 11-Dec-12 17:57:58

JoanByers I'll tell my Polish grandfather you think he and his Polish family should go home. Oh no, sorry I can't. He died over Europe fighting the Nazis. Less not forget the hard work, sacrifice and love that immigrants have brought to this country. I'm leaving the thread now.

PetiteRaleuse Tue 11-Dec-12 18:01:37

You should tell him how his freedom of speech is guaranteed by the European Convention on Human Rights. I'd bet he'd love that wink

fatfingers Tue 11-Dec-12 18:02:29

Given that he doesn't mind offending you with his opinions (which he has every right to voice btw), you shouldn't just wish he would STFU - you should have told him to STFU. After all, freedom of speech works both ways.

grimbletart Tue 11-Dec-12 18:04:09

I'm an older person. I do not share the views that OP is talking about and challenge them when I hear them.

But I wonder how much younger people (by that I mean under 55 or so) understand how much to elderly people their country has changed. Or rather how the pace of change means that for many of them they do not recognise the country they now live in. This is a neutral opinion (I am not saying it has changed for the better or worse) just that there have been enormous changes and as people reach their 60s and beyond it can be hard to adapt and the pace of change can frighten them. And for many, whatever character you had as a young person becomes more firmly fixed as you age.

Having said that, many of us over 60s have adapted. But not everyone.

olgaga Tue 11-Dec-12 18:07:50

Don't know if this is going to help but every elderly relative I have ever had would come out with similar comments! Some of them always had those attitudes, others seemed to morph into Alf Garnett as they got older.

Age is no excuse for it, but it's unlikely you're going to change views which have taken shape over decades. Plenty of people of all races get angry and despairing at changes in communities they have lived in for many years.

Plus as an adult you do get to choose who you spend your time with - in your own home!

JoanByers Tue 11-Dec-12 18:14:01

I think what now MrsTerrys?

Every country on earth has control on immigration, including the UK.

It's really stupid to say 'go home' to someone who is already here. Immigration control is something you do BEFORE three million arrive in a decade. Not afterwards. Nobody was consulted on this massive social change.

There was a referendum in 1975, but it certainly didn't involve immigration from low-income countries in Eastern Europe.

There are benefits of course to immigration from Eastern Europe. Wealthy home owners find it cheaper to get builders, gardeners and so on.

Unfortunately the existing builders, gardeners, and other low-paid/manual workers find lower wages and less employment.

There are also benefits for the wealthy in that their house prices go up, because more people, more immigrants means more demand for housing.

But again, the low-paid, the poor, who do not own housing, find it prohibitively expensive to buy and rent accommodation because of this same pressure.

Chubfuddler Tue 11-Dec-12 18:14:04

I take that point gimble but the world and this country have changed massively in my lifetime, and I'm only in my 30s.

mantlepiece Tue 11-Dec-12 18:29:44

There would have been an even bigger percentage in the south east if not for a policy to ship ethnic minorities to the north around the time of the Gulf War.

We have a very low percentage in the North East and there was chaos when this happened. The local authority housed the Shiites and Sunnis in the same area... boom! I think a lot of them fled to friendlier parts of the country.

Maybe the South East has more experience in dealing with asylum seekers and has the relevant agencies in place, so they head there. Certainly very few end up in the north.

PacificDogwood Tue 11-Dec-12 18:32:52

The only constant in life is change though, isn't it? So we might as well make our peace with it grin.

I don't see how the argument that 'things have always been like this and now they are not' counts as a valid complaint. Yes, the rate of change can be frightening (I remember by late great-gran being absolutely terrified of the telephone, or rather not answering the ringing telephone - I think t'interweb would just make her head explode if she were still around) and seem threatening.

I don't feel that I have the right to anything just because I happen to be caucasion of skin colour. Or from a 'traditional' EU country (some Europeans are more equal than other Europeans).

Yes, anybody can express whatever views at home, but that does not mean they have to remain unchallenged. In fact they ought to be challenged - hard as that sometimes may be.

LRDtheFeministDude Tue 11-Dec-12 19:24:25

I think he's entitled to express his views, but the OP is entitled to say how she feels about them. And he ought to realize that if he keeps on expressing those views, he may see a whole lot less of her!

HullyEastergully Tue 11-Dec-12 19:25:40

oh just kill him and have done

Softlysoftly Tue 11-Dec-12 19:29:24

Oh thats why my Facebook finger is all ranty this evening, thanks for clearing it up.

I havent seen the news have only had to bollock otherwise sane people for their "wunder how mny imigrants r in x town Lolz, less houses for us innit".

Shame you can't have a RL delete button op.

DoingitOnTheRoofTopWithSanta Tue 11-Dec-12 20:18:05

I hate it when people use the 'free speech' excuse to spout racist/homophobic drivel. Free speech means (broadly) that you can't be arrested/persecuted for voicing your opinions. It doesn't mean that we all have an excuse to go round saying vile hateful things.

Yes, that^ or if it does it grants you the right to call you dad a cunt.

great name btw!

ll31 Tue 11-Dec-12 20:44:41

think he's the right to express his opinions - also you've right to disagree.

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