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To find myself suddenly struggling to welcome gay marriage?

(188 Posts)
grovel Tue 11-Dec-12 13:44:50

My initial reaction was "fine". As I think about it, I become rather sad that we are losing a distinctive quality in the meaning of marriage - namely that it celebrates how men and women complement each other (not only for purposes of procreation).

In every way I want equal recognition of partnerships be they straight or gay. Why then am I sad about changing the meaning of a word?

Caerlaverock Tue 11-Dec-12 13:46:46


Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Tue 11-Dec-12 13:47:06

Because you are not in fact "fine" about gay people marrying. Clearly you are homophobic.


gordyslovesheep Tue 11-Dec-12 13:47:25

no idea - if marriage is so very special I don't see why it should be denied to some people

MooncupGoddess Tue 11-Dec-12 13:48:11

What do you mean about men and women complementing each other?

I know various couples (straight and gay) where the two partners complement each other, and it is a nice thing to see - but I don't get why you think this is specific to men and women?

Ephiny Tue 11-Dec-12 13:48:13

Why can't a same-sex couple complement each other? I wasn't aware that was an intrinsic part of marriage anyway. DH and I are actually very similar in terms of personality type and strengths/weaknesses, despite being different genders.

WorraLorraTurkey Tue 11-Dec-12 13:48:17

Because you don't know any gay people who are deeply in love and committed to each other for the rest of their lives maybe?

If you could see my cousin and his lovely partner, I don't think you could be anything other than over the moon...or maybe that's just me.

I don't know.

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid Tue 11-Dec-12 13:48:25

Er...why are we losing it? Are you telling me that the gays can marry and normal people can't?

Who'd a thunk it?

Ephiny Tue 11-Dec-12 13:49:04

Anyway this is not replacing marriage between men and women, that's still going to exist the same as it always did confused. I don't see how we're 'losing' anything.

Ephiny Tue 11-Dec-12 13:49:41

Or what Ariel said smile

AnyaKnowIt Tue 11-Dec-12 13:51:02

What I don't understand is why some people care so much about one adult who wants to marry another adult.

lljkk Tue 11-Dec-12 13:52:28

Maybe you need to expand your ability to see complementary aspects of different people.

It must be nice to have such a romantic vision of marriage (I'm too cynical).

AMumInScotland Tue 11-Dec-12 13:53:22

Marriage is about two people making a public committment to each other. They will complement each other, making a partnership that is stronger then either partner on their own.

The gender of the two people involved doesn't change that in any way, beyond making it fair when it currently isn't.

I think you have feelings that same-sex relationships simply cannot be as "good" as heterosexual ones, if you think that the complementary nature of any positive relationship requires specific genders.

Oh and "fine" isn't a very positive emotion is it? My own feelings were more "About bloody time".

shinyrobot Tue 11-Dec-12 13:54:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rollmops Tue 11-Dec-12 13:55:27

''Because you are not in fact "fine" about gay people marrying. Clearly you are homophobic.''

Aha, didn't take long for pitchforks to come out.
What happened to free speech and such? I see, it's only allowed when people agree with you.

shinyrobot Tue 11-Dec-12 13:55:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EasilyBored Tue 11-Dec-12 13:56:20

I don't see how anyone else getting married impacts on your own marriage? It just doesn't.

I think this is a massive step forward and I look forward to the day when I can go to my best friend's wedding and know that her marriage is on an equal legal footing as mine.

gordyslovesheep Tue 11-Dec-12 13:56:49

oh Rollmops you seem to have a pitchfork of your own there - freedom of speech - works BOTH ways smile

LondonElfInFestiveCheerBoots Tue 11-Dec-12 13:56:51

YABU, but I can see academically where you are coming from, I just think you are wrong in your preservation of what 'marriage' means, or 'has always meant'

Marriage changes with society. You read the bible? Men could have as many wives as he could afford/wanted, and were under no obligation to be faithful to their wives. It was exclusive only for women, that has changed. It was also a 'desecration of marriage' and 'making a mockery of the covenant' for blacks to marry whites, that changed too.

I am also having a hard time understanding what you mean by 'compliment each other' - that is down to people's personalities, not being male and female. My parent' personalities compliment each other's, they are a good team. My aunt and uncle do not compliment each other, they are miserable and divorced and it was horrible for everyone involved. My friend and his boyfriend have complimentary personalities, their relationship works. My ex girlfriend and I had a horrible relationship because we were not right together, but my male DF and I work because we work. It has nothing to do with gender. If I have misunderstood your meaning, please correct do my interpretation.

I think marriage is a contract between two people, that they have entered into fully, to love and support one another, regardless of gender.

BillyBollyBrandy Tue 11-Dec-12 13:56:59

I thought a marriage was what happened in a church and a civil partnership was what happened in a registry office until I got married.

But why shouldn't it be? Because actually the name used means nothing. What matters is two peopel publically showing their love for each other. Really doesn't matter where it happens or what it is called.

My 2 friends are married. The law may call it a civil partnership but it is a marriage as far as I am conbcerned.

MissCellania Tue 11-Dec-12 13:57:19

Thats just meaningless drivel to cover up homophobic posturing, if we're being honest here, isn't it?

AnyaKnowIt Tue 11-Dec-12 13:57:29

Pitchforks? Get a grip

StackOverflow Tue 11-Dec-12 13:57:34

I've always felt that my marriage (to a man) is actually devalued by the current exclusive definition.

IMO it means that I currently find myself engaging in a discriminatory practice which excludes, among others, my lovely BFF since childhood and her brilliant partner. This makes me feel worse about my marriage, not better.

lljkk Tue 11-Dec-12 13:58:18

I don't think you deserve such a pasting, OP.

I reckon if you examine closely what you sense as the unique nature of hetero marriage that you will find that those special attributes or something similar enough also exists in gay marriage. They aren't that different after all.

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