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To give my DSILs a mouthful?

(111 Posts)
designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 15:52:34

My DSIL, her wife and their twin DDs (9months) have come to stay. They have been living in San Fran while my DSIL's wife (also SIL, obvs. but it gets confusing... will use DSILW for speed) has been studying and SIL has been on Mat leave.

SIL can't get a visa to work in the US so they are back, and staying with us until they decide what they're doing... It depends, apparently, on which job DSILW will get/take, one here or one in Europe.

It's only been 3 days but I've had it already...

I KNOW they have twins, but there are two of them as well, neither working at the moment, and my house looks like a bomb site.

They are still on West Coast Time, which means that they are bathing their twins at 1am, up most of the night and the squawking babies are keeping everyone up, including my DDs.They are making no effort to adjust their children's body clocks. We gently suggested that maybe, at 10pm last night they ought to consider waking their DDs from their 'nap' to try and ease them towards UK time. "We don;t believe in waking them when they're sleeping because they'll be really grumpy...". NOt half as f-ing grumpy as we will be if you keep us up all night again...

They are, having had twins the bloody EXPERTS in bloody EVERYTHING parenting related, and are constantly being disapproving of things in a rather snooty way "Well, WE don't think..." "When you have TWINS...." "WE don't believe in television, could we turn it off?" (Um, no, it's Saturday and my DDs are knackered because your DDs kept them up all night so they are being allowed to watch a film and eat sandwiches on the sofa.) "We believe in all eating TOGETHER at the table". Etc. They haven't done the 'terrible twos' yet, I wat to tell them to F-off and come back to me in five years. Every bloody sentence starts with "When you have twins...". They're still bloody babies, love. Not a different species. And having 2x 9 month olds doesn't give you a position from whch to advise me on raising my 5 year old and my 2.5 year old.

We were making creamy porridge for breakfast, and offered some to their DDs. They asked if it was made with cows milk. We said "naturally"... They looked like we were going to poison their DDs and said "We're not introducing cows milk until they are 12 months old. Can you make some with formula?". They are feeding them yoghurt and cheese. I suggested in that being the case that some cows milk in some porridge wouldn't kill them, and that, AFAIU, it's just that cows milk ought not to be given as a main drink before then. Cue much sighing and "We just don't think it's good for them." Twits.

They are CONSTANTLY scathing about the UK. The weather. The "lack of things to do with children". (We live in nappy valley. Seriously. They just haven't looked). The fact that you don't get monthly checkups with a paediatrician as standard. (Their kids are perfectly healthy, but they seem to like getting monthly bloods done for fun..). The fact it's SO HARD to drive anywhere, and, really how can we get anywhere WITH TWINS without a car? (Um, use your f-ing Bugaboo Donkey, perhaps?). I feel like telling them to f-off back to the US if it's so star spangled awesome.

They're going to my in-laws for Christmas, but will be back with us in Jan until they sort themselves out.

Gees. I'm going to combust.


designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 22:52:44

LMC - you know what's weird? I thought they'd be better than a straight parents, by dint of having two mums, instead of one mum and one rather ineffectual dad. ('Ineffectual' appearing to be the norm for the dads in my circle of close friends.)

Before they descended I was feeling almost slightly resentful of NOT being a lesbian.

In fact, they're both rather ineffectual. And DSILW did practically nothing but play on the ipad.

Which was rather disappointing, all in all. And I guess means lesbianism isn't the solution to my domestic frustrations after all....

Hey ho. Back to the drawing board...

designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 22:47:52

I would totally hire the hit squad.

Am rubbish at confrontations. The idea of hiring a bunch of rabid mumsnetters to do it for me is PERFECT. grin

Brand it and sell it forthwith. What the going rate for bullies for hire these days?Given the past week, I'd happily pay into triple figures for a day of blitzkrieg...

Put me on the waiting list for early January, would you?

The peace and quiet here is WONDERFUL.

One positive - totally cured me of any residual broodiness.

Nothing like 4 days (and nights) of other people's infants to put pay to any baby-nostalgia...


Glittertwins Wed 12-Dec-12 20:13:23

Count me in!

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Wed 12-Dec-12 19:12:32

Definitely, Blu!

Blu Wed 12-Dec-12 19:00:39

Enjoy yourself - and hope that 3.5 weeks at the ILs No Mess No Fuss Boot Camp will be effective!


StG - shall I put the ILs on the list to recruit to The Squad?

helpyourself Wed 12-Dec-12 18:58:28

So they're not under the patio? That, in this case, is an utter triumph!
Have a lovely evening.

designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 18:53:27

I just got home with my children to an empty house... I am definitively NOT locked up, nor will I be featuring on tonight's news. Well, not unless DH is more than usually irritating when he gets home... hmm

And in half an hour, when mine are in bed, I won't have to deal with anyone else's kids...

And I'll be able to do some work without the rather distracting sound of shrieking babies...


They left plenty of mess though.


I have a large storage box, into which I will put it, and which I will dump in their room.

I have three and a half weeks...
And counting... sadangry


LadyMaryCrawley Wed 12-Dec-12 18:07:29

Bloody dairy-hating twin-having messy lazy non-GMT-adjusted unemployed breeding lesbians!

Just shoot them. I would.

The Daily Mail

(sorry - couldn't resist! grin

YANBU, you sound like a saint. Definitely lay the ground rules for next time though.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 16:06:27

rota's Jesus christ on a bike. Who keeps putting these random fucking apostrophes in my posts???

Blu - think we might have to!!

SDTG - sign me up, I have an awesome pair of steel capped boots - perfect for the job!! sod the naughty corner

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Wed 12-Dec-12 11:58:39

All applicants for the hit squad gratefully received. There is so much Good we could do in the world. So many people who just need a good, firm telling-off, and some time in the naughty corner to think about their behaviour.

<< starts list >>

<< runs out of paper >>

Blu Wed 12-Dec-12 11:46:49

Chipping - watch the 10 o clock news?

Blu Wed 12-Dec-12 11:46:11

STDG and Arithmeticulous - can I be in the hit squad please? please please ?

I haven't got long enough hair to back comb, but I could wear a good wig while it grows for the night shift, and on the day shift I would be ACE as the Over Keen Assistant, following around the Director Of Operations with a whistle and a stop watch and a clipboard, and I would nod smugly and say 'quite right' every time the DoO issued a command.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 11:40:20

Not too many hours to go.

You haven't posted in quite a few hours... I really hope you aren't banged up in a cell somewhere grin There's every likelyhood I would have been!

Definitely convey the 'rules' to them ASAP - give them plenty of time to make other arrangements!! Mention things like cooking and cleaning rota's, food shopping rota, the time all of the children will be in bed by etc

They are royally taking the piss - time to put your foot down with a firm hand!

bochead Wed 12-Dec-12 11:31:35

"Do you mean to be so rude" is too subtle a tool. You need a proper campaign of action to put these two ungrateful madams firmly in their place.

Dear, dear. It's time to be very sterotypically "English" with them & patronise the fook out of them.

Lots of "I know it's hard for you as first time parents".

When they come back make sure you make it clear you EXPECT them to take the twins to your local Mums and Babies groups/Children's centre/library ryhme time every morning for the sessions that start at 9 am Monday to Friday. You expect them to WALK to these local events. If you can pick the NCT or other organisations where there is bound to be at least one Hyacynth Bucket Type in residence.

The twins should be put down for a nice afternoon nap after lunch each day while they clean up their own mess.

Tell them that they obviously aren't coping too well with first time parenthood and that you consider that they need the support provided by these groups as a matter of urgency.

There is no reason why shouldn't TELL them that bath time for the twins is 6pm after Xmas and that you expect babes so young to have be in their pjs in bed at 7pm. They can comfort them in their room if they wake up but nowhere else. If they refuse raise your eyebrows to your hairline and ask them if they have considered having the babies fostered so that they can be cared for competently? (Mega bitchy, but you are being asked to tolerate the intolerable in your own home and they have no qualms about insulting your parenting it seems!)

Lot's of tuts - and "we'll help you improve", "I'm sorry it's such a strain for you", shake your head, loud sighs and share meaningful glances with your hubby LOTS.

I don't normally advocate undermining 1st time parents confidence, but you cannot expect to dictate in someone else's home when the kids can or cannot watch the telly. Your eldest is just school age and when littlies start they get tired anyway, without being kept up half the night for no good reason. It's not fair, on your child and it's not fair on their babies either to refuse to attempt to help them adjust their body clocks by starting a UK time routine asap.

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Wed 12-Dec-12 11:29:55

Sorry you have had to put up with this rubbish behaviour, like someone said upthread you are a SAINT. I would put it to DH you have done your bit and for the love of God don't have them back.

sue52 Wed 12-Dec-12 11:20:20

The PFBx2 I could take. House looking like a bomb site, just about. Keeping my DC up all night again just about. Criticising my parenting choices would have had them chucked out on the street. Talk about ungrateful.

Arithmeticulous Wed 12-Dec-12 11:16:34

Exactly, you need someone to bang on the door at 7am tomorrow, say RIGHT TODAY YOU ARE GOING TO SORT THIS OUT, get them all up, run them ragged (with appropriate nap times and food schedule), be on their backs all day (DID YOU MEAN TO LEAVE THAT MUG THERE? MUG ALERT MUG ALERT) then put them all to bed at 7pm. With a goodbye that says "when you come back, this is what it will be like, every day"

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Wed 12-Dec-12 11:05:37

We need some sort of Hit Squad or Intervention Unit - to visit mumsnetters like the OP, and firmly explain to people like her visitors exactly how unreasonable and rude they are being. Sort of like supernanny for grownups.

Count me in!

StuntGirl Wed 12-Dec-12 08:58:01

I still can't believe how bloody rude they're being. If my family put me and my newborn twins up while I emigrated to another country I'd be so bloomin' apprciative and I'd make sure they knew it!

Ground rules before they leave, and reiterated before their return! Cheeky cows.

Chottie Wed 12-Dec-12 06:52:47

I just love the way MN says it like it is grin

Glittertwins Wed 12-Dec-12 06:23:40

I think you have lasted 3 days longer than I would have done. We have twins and our place never looked like a bomb site when they were only 9months and we worked so the parents should be tidying up. They barely move at 9 months so they are pretty easy.
I also agree with you on the "they are not a different species" comment but unfortunately their refrain is something that I have heard many parents of multiples use and it irritates the hell out of me.

HermioneHatesHoovering Wed 12-Dec-12 04:10:29

Make sure your husband lays down the ground rules BEFORE THEY LEAVE and then repeats them ad nauseum when they return!

Kytti Wed 12-Dec-12 03:18:49

and I was so incensed I realised I have committed the crime of bad grammar and lack of clarity. I 'don't CARE what the advice is', and naturally, I mean two parents, not two twins, although they come in twos as well.

Oh - I'm all confused again now.

Kytti Wed 12-Dec-12 03:14:21

I have twins, they're 2. I've just moved halfway across the world. They were on local time within 3 days, and going to bed at the normal time of 7.00pm. I neither know nor car what the advice on milk is, they've been having it in food from 6m.

Twins are hard work, but I agree that there's two of them, so they shouldn't be that bad. Routine is everything to a twin parent. Or.... it should be imo! :P

It's your house so it's your rules. They abide by what you want or they get the hell out! Ask them nicely if they can stay somewhere else? they clearly want to be elsewhere at Christmas!!!!

When they have their own place they can do what they like. Haven't they tried booking a holiday let or something for a couple of months?

I'd want to kill them. You have my deepest sympathy. Good luck!

Enfyshedd Wed 12-Dec-12 02:37:05

Even when DD (6mo) plays up and I end up on the sofa with her for the night (like tonight), I'll still be up between 7 & 8am to start DD's & my day. If she's had a particularly short night's sleep, I allow her slightly longer naps to catch up on her missed sleep and she's normally back on track by the late afternoon/early evening nap. No bloody excuse to stay in bed.

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