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To give my DSILs a mouthful?

(111 Posts)
designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 15:52:34

My DSIL, her wife and their twin DDs (9months) have come to stay. They have been living in San Fran while my DSIL's wife (also SIL, obvs. but it gets confusing... will use DSILW for speed) has been studying and SIL has been on Mat leave.

SIL can't get a visa to work in the US so they are back, and staying with us until they decide what they're doing... It depends, apparently, on which job DSILW will get/take, one here or one in Europe.

It's only been 3 days but I've had it already...

I KNOW they have twins, but there are two of them as well, neither working at the moment, and my house looks like a bomb site.

They are still on West Coast Time, which means that they are bathing their twins at 1am, up most of the night and the squawking babies are keeping everyone up, including my DDs.They are making no effort to adjust their children's body clocks. We gently suggested that maybe, at 10pm last night they ought to consider waking their DDs from their 'nap' to try and ease them towards UK time. "We don;t believe in waking them when they're sleeping because they'll be really grumpy...". NOt half as f-ing grumpy as we will be if you keep us up all night again...

They are, having had twins the bloody EXPERTS in bloody EVERYTHING parenting related, and are constantly being disapproving of things in a rather snooty way "Well, WE don't think..." "When you have TWINS...." "WE don't believe in television, could we turn it off?" (Um, no, it's Saturday and my DDs are knackered because your DDs kept them up all night so they are being allowed to watch a film and eat sandwiches on the sofa.) "We believe in all eating TOGETHER at the table". Etc. They haven't done the 'terrible twos' yet, I wat to tell them to F-off and come back to me in five years. Every bloody sentence starts with "When you have twins...". They're still bloody babies, love. Not a different species. And having 2x 9 month olds doesn't give you a position from whch to advise me on raising my 5 year old and my 2.5 year old.

We were making creamy porridge for breakfast, and offered some to their DDs. They asked if it was made with cows milk. We said "naturally"... They looked like we were going to poison their DDs and said "We're not introducing cows milk until they are 12 months old. Can you make some with formula?". They are feeding them yoghurt and cheese. I suggested in that being the case that some cows milk in some porridge wouldn't kill them, and that, AFAIU, it's just that cows milk ought not to be given as a main drink before then. Cue much sighing and "We just don't think it's good for them." Twits.

They are CONSTANTLY scathing about the UK. The weather. The "lack of things to do with children". (We live in nappy valley. Seriously. They just haven't looked). The fact that you don't get monthly checkups with a paediatrician as standard. (Their kids are perfectly healthy, but they seem to like getting monthly bloods done for fun..). The fact it's SO HARD to drive anywhere, and, really how can we get anywhere WITH TWINS without a car? (Um, use your f-ing Bugaboo Donkey, perhaps?). I feel like telling them to f-off back to the US if it's so star spangled awesome.

They're going to my in-laws for Christmas, but will be back with us in Jan until they sort themselves out.

Gees. I'm going to combust.


Blu Wed 12-Dec-12 11:46:49

Chipping - watch the 10 o clock news?

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Wed 12-Dec-12 11:58:39

All applicants for the hit squad gratefully received. There is so much Good we could do in the world. So many people who just need a good, firm telling-off, and some time in the naughty corner to think about their behaviour.

<< starts list >>

<< runs out of paper >>

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 16:06:27

rota's Jesus christ on a bike. Who keeps putting these random fucking apostrophes in my posts???

Blu - think we might have to!!

SDTG - sign me up, I have an awesome pair of steel capped boots - perfect for the job!! sod the naughty corner

LadyMaryCrawley Wed 12-Dec-12 18:07:29

Bloody dairy-hating twin-having messy lazy non-GMT-adjusted unemployed breeding lesbians!

Just shoot them. I would.

The Daily Mail

(sorry - couldn't resist! grin

YANBU, you sound like a saint. Definitely lay the ground rules for next time though.

designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 18:53:27

I just got home with my children to an empty house... I am definitively NOT locked up, nor will I be featuring on tonight's news. Well, not unless DH is more than usually irritating when he gets home... hmm

And in half an hour, when mine are in bed, I won't have to deal with anyone else's kids...

And I'll be able to do some work without the rather distracting sound of shrieking babies...


They left plenty of mess though.


I have a large storage box, into which I will put it, and which I will dump in their room.

I have three and a half weeks...
And counting... sadangry


helpyourself Wed 12-Dec-12 18:58:28

So they're not under the patio? That, in this case, is an utter triumph!
Have a lovely evening.

Blu Wed 12-Dec-12 19:00:39

Enjoy yourself - and hope that 3.5 weeks at the ILs No Mess No Fuss Boot Camp will be effective!


StG - shall I put the ILs on the list to recruit to The Squad?

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Wed 12-Dec-12 19:12:32

Definitely, Blu!

Glittertwins Wed 12-Dec-12 20:13:23

Count me in!

designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 22:47:52

I would totally hire the hit squad.

Am rubbish at confrontations. The idea of hiring a bunch of rabid mumsnetters to do it for me is PERFECT. grin

Brand it and sell it forthwith. What the going rate for bullies for hire these days?Given the past week, I'd happily pay into triple figures for a day of blitzkrieg...

Put me on the waiting list for early January, would you?

The peace and quiet here is WONDERFUL.

One positive - totally cured me of any residual broodiness.

Nothing like 4 days (and nights) of other people's infants to put pay to any baby-nostalgia...


designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 22:52:44

LMC - you know what's weird? I thought they'd be better than a straight parents, by dint of having two mums, instead of one mum and one rather ineffectual dad. ('Ineffectual' appearing to be the norm for the dads in my circle of close friends.)

Before they descended I was feeling almost slightly resentful of NOT being a lesbian.

In fact, they're both rather ineffectual. And DSILW did practically nothing but play on the ipad.

Which was rather disappointing, all in all. And I guess means lesbianism isn't the solution to my domestic frustrations after all....

Hey ho. Back to the drawing board...

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