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To give my DSILs a mouthful?

(111 Posts)
designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 15:52:34

My DSIL, her wife and their twin DDs (9months) have come to stay. They have been living in San Fran while my DSIL's wife (also SIL, obvs. but it gets confusing... will use DSILW for speed) has been studying and SIL has been on Mat leave.

SIL can't get a visa to work in the US so they are back, and staying with us until they decide what they're doing... It depends, apparently, on which job DSILW will get/take, one here or one in Europe.

It's only been 3 days but I've had it already...

I KNOW they have twins, but there are two of them as well, neither working at the moment, and my house looks like a bomb site.

They are still on West Coast Time, which means that they are bathing their twins at 1am, up most of the night and the squawking babies are keeping everyone up, including my DDs.They are making no effort to adjust their children's body clocks. We gently suggested that maybe, at 10pm last night they ought to consider waking their DDs from their 'nap' to try and ease them towards UK time. "We don;t believe in waking them when they're sleeping because they'll be really grumpy...". NOt half as f-ing grumpy as we will be if you keep us up all night again...

They are, having had twins the bloody EXPERTS in bloody EVERYTHING parenting related, and are constantly being disapproving of things in a rather snooty way "Well, WE don't think..." "When you have TWINS...." "WE don't believe in television, could we turn it off?" (Um, no, it's Saturday and my DDs are knackered because your DDs kept them up all night so they are being allowed to watch a film and eat sandwiches on the sofa.) "We believe in all eating TOGETHER at the table". Etc. They haven't done the 'terrible twos' yet, I wat to tell them to F-off and come back to me in five years. Every bloody sentence starts with "When you have twins...". They're still bloody babies, love. Not a different species. And having 2x 9 month olds doesn't give you a position from whch to advise me on raising my 5 year old and my 2.5 year old.

We were making creamy porridge for breakfast, and offered some to their DDs. They asked if it was made with cows milk. We said "naturally"... They looked like we were going to poison their DDs and said "We're not introducing cows milk until they are 12 months old. Can you make some with formula?". They are feeding them yoghurt and cheese. I suggested in that being the case that some cows milk in some porridge wouldn't kill them, and that, AFAIU, it's just that cows milk ought not to be given as a main drink before then. Cue much sighing and "We just don't think it's good for them." Twits.

They are CONSTANTLY scathing about the UK. The weather. The "lack of things to do with children". (We live in nappy valley. Seriously. They just haven't looked). The fact that you don't get monthly checkups with a paediatrician as standard. (Their kids are perfectly healthy, but they seem to like getting monthly bloods done for fun..). The fact it's SO HARD to drive anywhere, and, really how can we get anywhere WITH TWINS without a car? (Um, use your f-ing Bugaboo Donkey, perhaps?). I feel like telling them to f-off back to the US if it's so star spangled awesome.

They're going to my in-laws for Christmas, but will be back with us in Jan until they sort themselves out.

Gees. I'm going to combust.


SeasonallySnowyPeasant Sun 09-Dec-12 18:47:53

Babies pick up their facial expressions by copying their carers so it makes sense that you would spot similarities between your DN and SILW. DS has my twinkly-eyed mischief grin grin

goralka Sun 09-Dec-12 18:51:44

tell them that lots of people have twins and its not that different from having two close in age, and plenty of people in your area manage perfectly well without a car.
They sound unbearable, especially moaning about the UK, if it is so terrible offer them a taxi ride to the airport.

LemonBreeland Sun 09-Dec-12 18:57:56

They sound awful. I think your dh needs to sit them down re: the mess and the time zone issues. They are not respecting the needs of your family at all.

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Sun 09-Dec-12 19:30:41

I agree with Lemon - a bit of direct talking is called for. Tell them they need to keep their stuff reasonably tidy, and pick up after themselves, and they especially need to sort out the twins' sleep routine, because it is utterly unreasonable and selfish for them to disturb 4 other people's sleep.

And when they criticise your parenting, say "we clearly have different parenting styles. I am being polite and not criticising yours, please have the good manners not to criticise mine. After all, you have NO idea about the issues involved in parenting a toddler and a 5-year-old".

acceptableinthe80s Sun 09-Dec-12 19:30:47

Switch your hot water off at 8pm

mybootsaremuddy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:56:27

I realy feel for you and your family.
I would definately be having words to them about keeping you up at night. Fair enough babies wake in the night but the fact they are not even trying to adjust the babies to uk time zone is just stupid...... as for bathing them at 1am, that is beyond crazyshock
I would bring up the fact that as you have a 5yr old DD who has school she realy needs her sleep to be able to function properly. I assume that as it is almost the end of term like at my dcs school there will be lots of fun things going on at your dds school( Nativity, Carol servce, christmas party/disco) and it wold be a shame for your DD to not enjoy these because she is tired and grumpy.

As for their ''When you have twins'' attitude..... tell them to get over themselves and stop being so bloody stupid. My youngest 3 are 2.8 and 1.6yr old TWINS so only 14mth between DS3 and DTs. We have survived treating them and bringing them up the same way we have our other DC.

We have also traveld to NZ to visit my family when they were 7mths and we started to make the switch over to NZ times from day 1. It took about 3 days for them to switch completely over but then there was an 11 hr time difference. We just used their normal uk routine but on NZ timings, yes they were grumpy for those 3 days but then once adjusted were their normal happy smiley selves. We certanly didnt pussy foot around and act like complete dicks about it!
I imagine part of the reason your DSIL/DSILW babies are being clingy and grumpy is because they dont know what the bloody hell is going on and their confused. The sooner the poor little mites are switched onto uk times the happier they (and everyone else) will be.

StinkyWicket Sun 09-Dec-12 19:57:23

They sound utterly fucking annoying and I'm agog you haven't murdered one or both of them yet.

I like SDTG's recommendation. They are taking the piss and being really rude.

FTR, I had twins - but that didn't mean when I saw my mum or friends who didn't have twins (or kids at all!) that I was scathing about they did things!

Chandon Sun 09-Dec-12 20:07:25

I stayed at my mums with two jet lagged babies (7 hrs time difference) and it was horrible, we were up at all hours, and it took about 5 or 6 days to get back on UK time.

I always tried not to wake anyone when my two merrily started squeaking at 1 am, but it is HARD!

However, their attitude sucks and they sound like they should be in a sitcom!

People who are judgy about tV are bores. Maybe take them all to McD, offer the babes a milkshake, smoke a cigarette and offer your 5 year old one too. And they might just pack up and leave (evil grin)...

Arithmeticulous Sun 09-Dec-12 20:16:35

Put on a full face of make up. Back comb your hair. Go to bed. Wake up at 1am, stagger to where ever in your house they are waking you up from. With your lipstick streaked face, dripping mascara and scary hair. Hold a clock in your right hand. Point at it with your left hand. Hiss one o`clock in the fucking morning and leave.

Deny all knowledge in the morning grin

LondonNinja Sun 09-Dec-12 20:22:27

YANBU. Urgh, people like this should not impose themselves on others.

Agree with the suggestions they fuck off move elsewhere so they can have total control their tedious and sanctimonious rules.

Don't let them bully you in your own home. Seriously.

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 09-Dec-12 20:25:51

Whate SDTG said - "And when they criticise your parenting, say "we clearly have different parenting styles. I am being polite and not criticising yours, please have the good manners not to criticise mine. After all, you have NO idea about the issues involved in parenting a toddler and a 5-year-old"."

And of course that useful stand-by, "Did you mean to sound so rude?"

I'd have murdered at least one of them by now.

dinkystinky Sun 09-Dec-12 20:27:06

OP - I would be having a serious conversation about DH as to whether or not I'd be willing to let them back in the house in January! They seem to be taking the piss big time...

StoneRose83 Sun 09-Dec-12 20:28:17

Sounds awful.....

You do have my sympathy. I hate it when other people think they're the oracle of parenting just because they have older/more children than you do.

I learnt quite quickly that other people don't like it when you tell them what you think all the time in regards to their child. Also there's nothing wrong with telly and having cows milk on cereal.

Hope you get some peace soon!x

OTheHugeInDavidsManatee Sun 09-Dec-12 20:38:50

Respond to their ridiculous PFB demands with a head tilt and 'Really? [pause] Well, you are very new to this parenting business.' Followed by a warm, patronising smile like this: smile

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Sun 09-Dec-12 22:04:24

I like that, OTH - subtle but barbed!

longjane Sun 09-Dec-12 22:16:16

what about breaking the boiler (take fuse out of plug) no hot water and no heating

blackeyedsusan Sun 09-Dec-12 22:18:31

oh dear, they sound terrible. you need to let your daughter make a noise when she gets up for school... start to adjust the babies routing yourself wink

if they complain, tell them that she is grumpy and tired from being woken up by them in the night. if they do not want grumpy family in the morning they have to be quiet and get their children to adjust.

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sun 09-Dec-12 23:22:04

I think you have earned you place in heaven!

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sun 09-Dec-12 23:22:38

can you be really noisy when they sleep during the day?

Bitofaquandary Sun 09-Dec-12 23:33:05

Oh my god - pleas tell them to F off or I will have to do it for you! What a bloody cheek!

KeatsiePie Mon 10-Dec-12 01:10:15

HO-TEL. Seriously, they are being so rude I kind of can't believe they don't know it.

Can your husband do a big pick-up of the house, dump it all in their room, and say "Here sis, I know you were planning to clean up. No need to thank me. Should be easy for you to keep things contained now"?

Also second the suggestion of disrupting those long naps. And I like OTheHuge's idea of prefacing your every response with "I know you are very new to parenting."

KeatsiePie Mon 10-Dec-12 01:12:17

Except the way I phrased it sounds too nice. Use the original barbed phrasing!

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins Mon 10-Dec-12 01:18:48

What I want to know is, when they announced their tv disapproval, did you turn of the tv?
I lived with a tv disproving couple, after 1 week I moved my tv into my bedroom.
I went away for Christmas and guess who was in my room watching tv while I was gone?
I moved out beginning of March.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 01:24:40

I would suggest killing them both that they find a short term let for January or you will end up falling out with them permanently & that might be a shame, though I'm not too sure?!

I would love to be a fly on the wall at your MIL's [dgrin]

They are so rude. So rude and so inconsiderate not to mention fucking stupid

Monty27 Mon 10-Dec-12 01:28:05

Are the twins out of the bath yet?


Feel your pain.

Here's a google link to hotels........ (except I don't know where you are) grin

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