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To give my DSILs a mouthful?

(111 Posts)
designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 15:52:34

My DSIL, her wife and their twin DDs (9months) have come to stay. They have been living in San Fran while my DSIL's wife (also SIL, obvs. but it gets confusing... will use DSILW for speed) has been studying and SIL has been on Mat leave.

SIL can't get a visa to work in the US so they are back, and staying with us until they decide what they're doing... It depends, apparently, on which job DSILW will get/take, one here or one in Europe.

It's only been 3 days but I've had it already...

I KNOW they have twins, but there are two of them as well, neither working at the moment, and my house looks like a bomb site.

They are still on West Coast Time, which means that they are bathing their twins at 1am, up most of the night and the squawking babies are keeping everyone up, including my DDs.They are making no effort to adjust their children's body clocks. We gently suggested that maybe, at 10pm last night they ought to consider waking their DDs from their 'nap' to try and ease them towards UK time. "We don;t believe in waking them when they're sleeping because they'll be really grumpy...". NOt half as f-ing grumpy as we will be if you keep us up all night again...

They are, having had twins the bloody EXPERTS in bloody EVERYTHING parenting related, and are constantly being disapproving of things in a rather snooty way "Well, WE don't think..." "When you have TWINS...." "WE don't believe in television, could we turn it off?" (Um, no, it's Saturday and my DDs are knackered because your DDs kept them up all night so they are being allowed to watch a film and eat sandwiches on the sofa.) "We believe in all eating TOGETHER at the table". Etc. They haven't done the 'terrible twos' yet, I wat to tell them to F-off and come back to me in five years. Every bloody sentence starts with "When you have twins...". They're still bloody babies, love. Not a different species. And having 2x 9 month olds doesn't give you a position from whch to advise me on raising my 5 year old and my 2.5 year old.

We were making creamy porridge for breakfast, and offered some to their DDs. They asked if it was made with cows milk. We said "naturally"... They looked like we were going to poison their DDs and said "We're not introducing cows milk until they are 12 months old. Can you make some with formula?". They are feeding them yoghurt and cheese. I suggested in that being the case that some cows milk in some porridge wouldn't kill them, and that, AFAIU, it's just that cows milk ought not to be given as a main drink before then. Cue much sighing and "We just don't think it's good for them." Twits.

They are CONSTANTLY scathing about the UK. The weather. The "lack of things to do with children". (We live in nappy valley. Seriously. They just haven't looked). The fact that you don't get monthly checkups with a paediatrician as standard. (Their kids are perfectly healthy, but they seem to like getting monthly bloods done for fun..). The fact it's SO HARD to drive anywhere, and, really how can we get anywhere WITH TWINS without a car? (Um, use your f-ing Bugaboo Donkey, perhaps?). I feel like telling them to f-off back to the US if it's so star spangled awesome.

They're going to my in-laws for Christmas, but will be back with us in Jan until they sort themselves out.

Gees. I'm going to combust.


catgirl1976geesealaying Sun 09-Dec-12 15:54:52

They do sounds really annoying

But they are right about the cows milk. It's not recommended before 12 months but other dairy eg yoghurt is fine

On everything else YANBU

onyx72 Sun 09-Dec-12 15:55:12



catgirl1976geesealaying Sun 09-Dec-12 15:56:14

Sorry - I mis-read

A bit of cows milk on some cereal would have been fine

FunnysFuckingFreezing Sun 09-Dec-12 15:56:28

and how much longer are they staying with you? Could you move to a Hotel? You have my every sympathy, they sound awful

squeakytoy Sun 09-Dec-12 15:56:31

It sounds like hell.. cant they go and rent a flat somewhere?

They do sound like stereo-typical californian health freaks (I have many friends who live in CA, and the majority of them are this neurotic and bonkers!).

Fakebook Sun 09-Dec-12 15:57:36

No, you can introduce cows milk in food from 6 months. My son has been having creamy porridge since 6 months made with cows milk. It's just having it as a replacement for formula or breast milk before 12 months.

Your sil's sound annoying. Yanbu.

SoldeInvierno Sun 09-Dec-12 16:00:46

they sound like very hard work. However, regarding milk, they are correct. Even in UK the recommendation is not to introduce cow's milk until much later than 9 months.

Can you set a date by which they need to have sorted themselves out or rent a place of their own? What does DH think?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Sun 09-Dec-12 16:01:12

DD has traveled trans-Atlantically (is that a word) a few times now. She is 2. She is a professional at it. She can be easily adjusted to the new time within a week at the most. Me, not so much.

I think the issue is their insistence that their way is best. By all means parent differently DSIL and DSILW but let your hosts live their way as well.

HairyGrotter Sun 09-Dec-12 16:02:14

Oh God, sounds awful sad

YANBU here's a glass wine

Chottie Sun 09-Dec-12 16:03:03

Firstly, you are a very kind person to take the four of them into your home. It's a lot of people. shock Before they come back, can you have a discussion about how long they will be staying with you? It sounds a bit open ended at present and that is not fair on all of you.

If they want special stuff for their children, I would suggest they get it themselves (to ensure it's the right stuff wink) Don't they realise they they are guests in someone else's home?!?!?

SamSmalaidh Sun 09-Dec-12 16:05:30

Solde, you can introduce cow's milk from 6 months. What do you think formula, cheese and yoghurt is made of anyway?

ChunkyPickle Sun 09-Dec-12 16:06:02

Do you have enough space that they could have a kind of private sitting room? When DP, I and DS were living with MIL and FIL we had 2 rooms, one which we all shared as a bedroom, and one which we used as a sitting room where we could retreat and watch our own TV/eat dinner on our own etc. Because even though M/FIL were super nice, and really easy to live with, sometimes you need your own space.

Not even trying to switch their times over is crazy - like Mrs Terry, DS, DP and I adjust within a couple of days when we moved 8 hours time difference. We generally find it easier to make the adjustment quickly rather than drag it out!

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 16:07:13

Cows milk IN FOOD people. Just in food...

I know this a common misconception, I don't blame them for it.

I do get pee'd off with them for the 'shock and horror' face at the suggestion while they sit and feed their DDs cheese strings...

I understand that it can take a few days to get synched time-wise. But you can try to help them along a bit... By maybe cutting short their 9pm nap (i.e. not allow them to sleep for 3-4 hours, then be up and squawking from 1am - 3am...


ChunkyPickle Sun 09-Dec-12 16:12:07

Ugh Cheese Strings - DS wanted to try some the other day so I got a pack, he took one bite and handed them back, so I gave them a taste, and they tasted of absolutely nothing... May as well just have fun ripping them to pieces and then put them straight in the bin for all the flavour they have.

(mind you, I have a strange boy who would eat picked beetroot by the bucketload given half a chance, so perhaps we just don't have tastebuds for subtle food)

browneyedpixie Sun 09-Dec-12 16:13:03

Feel for you!!

PrincessScrumpy Sun 09-Dec-12 16:14:16

I would write a list of house rules for everyone and make it clear that any criticism of your parenting is most unwelcome.

I have 15mo twins and a 4yo, and dh works long hours - my house is tidy-ish (not like it was pre kids in fairness) and I'm no expert on anything... amazingly my 3 dc seem happy so I'd like to take some credit but every child is so different. Sounds like they've read some books, just take a deep breath and smile smugly that they clearly have no idea what is coming! smile

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 16:15:36

Sadly, although we have a big enough house it's kind of open plan, so not really anywhere to get away from each other. Certainly not enough space for a separate living room!

I'm sure they won't stay that long in January. After all, I clearly am hell bent on poisoning their DDs with cows milk and polluting their delicate minds with Winnie The Pooh films. It's a hazardous environment for Californian kids, right enough. Best get them out of it double quick.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall at Christmas when 'D'FIL attempts to sneak biltong to them when mummies aren't looking...


designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 16:18:29

wine wine wine
thank you...

StuntGirl Sun 09-Dec-12 16:18:42

They are rude and inconsiderate. You need to spell out some ground rules, and definitely a date by which they'll be leaving. You are asking for trouble otherwise!

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Sun 09-Dec-12 16:31:01

ChunkyPickle I had the same from DD with cheese strings. I was very smug proud. I have a child who will eat handfuls of broccoli so similar to yours.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Sun 09-Dec-12 16:32:34

However, regarding milk, they are correct. Even in UK the recommendation is not to introduce cow's milk until much later than 9 months.

no they are not, and no it is not.

They sound a pita and I would be speaking to them. What has your dh said?

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 16:40:48

Dh? Lots of eye rolling.

He's being very patient. Especially for him...

I think we're both biting our tongues until they leave, and maybe will lay down the law more in Jan if/when they return...

I'm almost hoping they don't settle near us now, tbh.


thebody Sun 09-Dec-12 16:42:01

Lol re cows milk.. Mine had it at 3 months and shock horror are now strapping healthy lads of 23 and 21.. I kind of just ignored 'fashionable' dietary advice from so calked professionals for younger 2 as its all just crap really..

You need to tell them to leave and book into a hotel as you obviously cannot offer them or their children a safe environment!!

nannyl Sun 09-Dec-12 16:47:02

formula IS cow milk (at least most of the brands are)

have you pointed that out to them..... that their babies ARE drinking cow milk

and you are correct cow milk is fine in cooking from 6m, and babies who are mostly BF can also safely drink whole cows milk occasionaly from 6m too


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