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AIBU?

How long is too long?!

32 replies

EverythingsDozy · 09/12/2012 14:23

Put DD (2) for a nap at 11 ish because she was screaming / crying / being a bit of a nightmare because she is tired. Normally, she will go to sleep within an hour if she is being like this. If she gets out of bed I will put her back in without talking to her. Its been over 3 hours now and I really don't know what to do.

I don't want this to turn into a power struggle (although after 3 hours im afraid we're already there) but i don't want her to come out of her room until she has had a nap and calmed a bit, so im putting it to the MN jury. WWYD?!

P.S. Please don't flame me, im struggling to cope with over 5 hours of screaming so im pretty worn and a bit of a wreck

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EverythingsDozy · 09/12/2012 14:25

Hmmm ok never mind, she is asleep now. She is still sobbing so I thought she was awake

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HildaOgden · 09/12/2012 14:26

3 hours is definitely too long.

She's 2 years old fgs.....screaming for 5 hours....take her up and console her now.No-body is winning here.

Tbh,I'm suprised the neighbours haven't intervened...if a child was screaming for 5 hours next door to me I'd fear the worst.

TrazzleMISTLEtoes · 09/12/2012 14:26

Erm, I leave my DCs for a while but I would consider 3 hours waaaaay too long. Won't she be hungry/ thirsty by now?

BahSaidPaschaHumbug · 09/12/2012 14:27

Stop. She doesn't want the nap. Trying to enforce it is making you both miserable and it won't get better today. Get her up, take her out for a run somewhere and carry on as if the whole episode never occurred.

Fresh start tomorrow.

Sirzy · 09/12/2012 14:27

If she was crying for 5 hours then what you were doing probably wasn't working.

If she went up at 11 does that mean she has had no dinner?

HildaOgden · 09/12/2012 14:28

Cross posted...and I see she is asleep so my post is redundant.

I really can't even begin to tell you how wrong I think it is to leave a child scream for that long ...all for the sake of a nap?

I'm sure others will disagree though.

RedHelenB · 09/12/2012 14:28

Way too long to battle over a nap & it means she's missed out on her lunch surely|?

BahSaidPaschaHumbug · 09/12/2012 14:30

OK. DS is 2.3 and probably has a 2 hour nap on five out of seven days now. He's beginning to grow out of the need for a long daily nap I think. Your DD may be at a similar stage.

HildaOgden · 09/12/2012 14:30

I've re-read your post again...if she is regularly taking an hour to settle for a nap,it could well be that she doesn't need a nap at all,or certainly not every day.

EverythingsDozy · 09/12/2012 14:31

She had late breakfast and we are having early dinner tonight so not worried about food. She always has a banana after a nap too.
What do I do next time?? I would have thought after two years of this I'd be good at it by now.

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TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 09/12/2012 14:31

I guess everyone missed this bit:

P.S. Please don't flame me, im struggling to cope with over 5 hours of screaming so im pretty worn and a bit of a wreck

A tired two year old who hasn't slept is no fun.

Glad she's asleep now op

Shinyshoes1 · 09/12/2012 14:32

Ate you being serious ??

She obviously doesn't want a nap and crying for 5 hours AND sleeping for 3 that's 8 hours !!!! She's probably hungry and thirsty

BahSaidPaschaHumbug · 09/12/2012 14:32

I would give her twenty minutes to settle and if she's not drowsy by then get her up and carry on with the day. Don't let it become a behaviour issue, she's just obeying her body's instinct.

EverythingsDozy · 09/12/2012 14:32

Hilda - she only takes an hour if she is having a tantrum, normally she goes to sleep straight away.

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EverythingsDozy · 09/12/2012 14:33

Shiny - she hasn't been crying for 8 hours. She was acting up for two hours before I put her down.

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Sirzy · 09/12/2012 14:34

I can't imagine 5 hours of screaming was much fun for the child either.

distract her with something fun

go out for a walk together to tire her out

put her in her pram and go for walk to get her to sleep

snuggle on the sofa watching cbeebies

Don't just leave her crying in her room!

Sirzy · 09/12/2012 14:35

If she won't go to sleep while having a tantrum dont try to get her to sleep then. All it will do is wind you and her up more

ledkr · 09/12/2012 14:36

Op who told you to leave her that long?
My dd is 22 months and often resists naps so I give up for a bit and offer food milk and a nappy change.
Often I get very little peace but I'd rather that than et her get so upset.
At this age they are al over the place with naps and leaving her to cry for so long is cruel.

Notafoodbabyanymore · 09/12/2012 14:38

Maybe try to deal with the screaming or bad behaviour separately, using time out, or whatever discipline you choose, and push her nap time back a bit.

I don't think bed and sleep should be associated with punishment for tantrums etc, but I may have got the wrong end of the stick from your post.

We all have those days with our dcs though, where we just can't think of a way forward, don't feel too bad, you'll crack it.

HildaOgden · 09/12/2012 14:39

She doesn't need a nap if she is taking an hour to get to sleep...that is obvious.

On those days....when she's tetchy but not actually sleepy...maybe lie her on the couch,on a bean bag,whatever for some 'chill' time.Put on a kids dvd and just let her chill out and rest her body/mind (without actually sleeping)..then after half an hour bring her for some fresh air/walk/change of scenery.It will get you over the 'hump' of the mood and she will be worn out by night-time and fall into bed.

She's growing out of the nap stage...probably over the next year she will eliminate it altogether (try every second day at the start).

Leaving her screaming that long for the sake of a nap just isn't on...it will make her hate bedtime and that will ruin your evening peace too.And if you feel stressed after todays events,can you imagine how awful it felt for her?

ledkr · 09/12/2012 14:40

I've never heard if a child sleeping during a tantrum tbh.
New research shows a kind soothing response to tantrums will cut the time and frequency massively.
I must admit I didn't remember that today whilst dealing with one in Argos

poachedeggs · 09/12/2012 14:40

I'm really not flaming you and I can truly identify, and I'm also quite tough about naps, but please don't do this again. Who does it help?
I'd say give her no more than half an hour (less if she's upset and not calming down) then take her out in the pushchair or put a DVD on or get the playdough out. Offer food then bed again if she's tired.

I bet she's starving and thirsty after all that crying :( she might not sleep for long.

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EverythingsDozy · 09/12/2012 14:49

Ok thanks guys. Big deep breath! 5 week old has started now but he's the easy one!
Lots of kisses and cuddles for when she wakes up? I feel so awful now im calm enough to think properly

Thank you for not being harsh

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Sirzy · 09/12/2012 14:51

Everyone has moments when it gets to much, even moreso if you have a newborn aswell.

Settle the baby, enjoy a cup of tea in piece then play something nice with her when she wakes

poachedeggs · 09/12/2012 14:51

Don't feel awful, just have a game plan for next time. It's really tough to think clearly when they're kicking off, I found it easier to have a plan of attack in place before hand!

Go give your baby a snuggle :)

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