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To be jealous...

(54 Posts)
WishItCouldBeChristmasEveryday Sun 09-Dec-12 00:49:20

Ok so I kinda know I'm BU and very very selfish, but this is my first post so don't flame me too badly!

Me and DH really want to start ttc but for various (sensible) reasons we've decided to hold off for about a year. I'm bored of being sensible!! We're still fairly young (late 20's) but have been together for the best part of 10 years, and we've always had sensible ideas that we'd wait until we were financially stable, in a suitable home, enjoy grown up holidays whilst we can etc etc.

Originally we were going to start this year, pretty much now, but have now decided to postpone (again) until this time next year due to plans for a big family holiday to Australia (lots of saving, very expensive etc) and I was getting used to this, and trying to control my baby fever (which is sky high right now!) when it's announced that BIL has accidentally "knocked up" the girl he was seeing! I feel like I could cry!! I obviously wouldn't say anything out loud and I am happy for him, but at the same time I'm really selfishly jealous!

We've tried so hard to be careful over the years, and to ttc when it would be right rather than because we just want to and I feel like BIL is getting what I want without trying! I would never say this to anyone in RL as I know how hurt I would be if anyone felt like this about me, so I guess I just needed to get this off my chest.

I'm trying to remember there is a lot more terrible things going on in the world and I'm being a selfish cow because this is clearly not a big problem in comparison, so please feel free to tell me to get a grip hmm

Loveweekends10 Mon 10-Dec-12 05:01:47

You can't plan these things that rigorously. I had three miscarriages before eldest dd came along. It took 3 years to conceive her. Then another miscarriage and 6 years to conceive youngest dd.
sod the holidays you will come to regret every holiday you took if you can't get pregnant.

ben5 Mon 10-Dec-12 05:44:50

Australia is a long way from the UK but we don't live in the 18th century. We have wonderful hospitals if anything goes wrong while you are here and expecting. Break your journey up. My parents have done a 2 or 3 night stay at Singapore/ Hong Kong/ Bangkok and KL both ways.
My first DS was unplanned and we had to move our wedding ( I was due 15 Dec and wedding planned for 22 Nov!! Glad we did as ds came 28/11!!!) DS 2 was planned for and I fell really quickly and he's my nightmare!!
Good luck on what ever you decide and can't remember who else wrote that you do get loads of stuff for the kid you'll really not have to get in the first 6 mths

LondonKitty Mon 10-Dec-12 05:50:31

I agree with everyone who says there will always be a reason to delay, and also those who have pointed out that ttc does not always lead to an immediate successful pregnancy. But I think you know these things, that's why you want to get on with it.

Go for it and good luck.

As for being pregnant on holidays or family events, most of us have done this and it works out.

But you might consider whether you really want to go on this particular trip.

I assume BIL and his GF are also invited on holiday? You need to think about how you are going to feel about being there with their baby if you are already feeling jealous. Not sure when the holiday is, but if you have not managed to conceive by then, how will you cope with that? Wanting a baby is an extraordinarily powerful instinct, particularly if you are feeling anxious about whether/ when it will all work out. You might find that spending so much time with relatives with a small baby is tortuous when you want one so badly yourself. The holiday might not be enjoyable for you or the people around you if it gets too much.

Maybe ttc should be your focus for the year and go to Australia another time?

Bearwantsmore Mon 10-Dec-12 06:10:52

I agree with everyone else - get on with it!

However, just to add an extra perspective. If you DO decide to get cracking on the TTC, please don't put the rest of your life on hold. We have close friends who have been TTC for a couple of years now who have forgone several holidays, weddings abroad, etc "just in case" she was pregnant. I know they have said that this has only added to the pressure and they wish they'd been.more relaxed about the timing as it really is outside of your control,

So my advice would be start TTC now but also plan to go to Australia. At the most, maybe just avoid TTC for the couple of months that would mean the baby's birth would coincide with your trip!

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