Am I being unreasonable???(9 Posts)
Hi all, sorry forthe essay but here goes...
Both my friend and I are expecting dc1's within the next 6months. As always there is general excitement about all the things we get to do with our babies, toddler groups, zoo trips etc and it will be fantastic to have somebody around to share advice, tips etc. Really looking forward to it. The problem lies with visiting her house which i try to do as rarely as I can... She has two rather large boistrous dogs who, to be honest, scare the life out of me and i wouldnt trust as far as i could throw them. The dogs have always been treated as her 'babies' and are utterly spoiled. They are allowed to jump all over, sit on and lick (kiss) visitors despite how comfortable the visitors feel with this. They are always in the house, despite having a outdoor facilities' and are even allowed up to the bedrooms, one was sleeping in new cot the other day on top of freshly prepared blankets. Their discipline levels are low, my friend really struggles to walk them and cannot take them off the lead because she could not control them when out and about especially with small children or other dogs around (one set of in pursuit of a 3 year old girl playing in a park last summer) They are immensely protective of her to the point where if somebody is even shouting on tv they will be straight by her side growling and not letting anybody near. I am alllergic to dogs anyway so this has always caused a bit of tension between us, her attitude to people who have tentatively brought it up before is 'if you dont like it then dont come round'. However, she gets easily offended and has been known to cut people out of her life before because they have voiced concerns. Her husband has also expressed concerns about the nature of the dogs and how they will react to baby... I do have concerns about her own childs safety but do not feel it is my place to get involved with that side of things. AIBU to state that I will not be visiting her house whilst pregnant or with new baby and that if she wants to see us she will have to meet somewhere or visit me all the time? It would annoy me if somebody took a dislike towards anything in my house that made them not want to visit but I guess there is a fine line between being selfish and the health and safety of my child? Would be really interested to hear the views of dog owners as well! My dp has owned dogs all his life so please don't think i am just disliking dogs!!! Xx
I don't mind essays but paragraphs would be useful.
My opinion is she will likely shift her viewpoint a bit when her baby arrives....and tackle the issue then.
There's not a cat in hell's chance I would go round to her house with a new baby if those dogs were there.
They are pampered and have no boundaries by the sounds, sleeping in the cot!
I'd definitely be telling her visiting her house would be off limits, if she gets the raging hump, so be it.
I haven't waded my way through all that. I think you're saying that you don't want to visit your friend with your baby when it is born, because of her unruly dogs. In which case, YANBU. I don't mind dogs, but I can't stand it when bessoted dog owners assume that everyone adores their dogs and all their habits as much as them.
Well unless she puts in the effort right now to train these untrained dogs, she will be forced to re home shortly after the baby arrives,
we get a lot of these dogs when babies arrive, it only take a short while for the owners to realise, they failed as owners to train their dogs into having acceptable behaviour.
The trouble is they often because of the non trained aspect, fail in the re homing process.
It's going to be quite horrible for her when the baby arrives and it dawns on her that she can no longer be blind to the fact that her dog regime are not compatible with a baby.
If she was prepared to follow a strict guided train regime starting now, she would be chance, but she would have to be very honest with herself about the situation, and would really have to put the work in.
Could you have an honest conversation with her? Would she hear what you are saying?
If not sit back and watch the inevitable happen. so sad for the dogs.
Just use your allergy as an excuse? You don't have to actually come out and say 'I am no longer coming to your house because I don't feel safe', just blame your allergy or when you're arranging meetings invite her to yours/out somewhere.
I hate dogs at the best of times, these ones sound like pissing nightmares. However its not your place to tell her to get rid. Tbh it wouldn't surprise me if she does after baby is born anyway when instincts kick in etc. or even if the midwives/health visitors advise it.
Having said that they might not be a risk to baby and rather want to protect the baby. Dogs are apparently like that (I wouldn't know, I like cats).
I don't see the problem OP
If her attitude is 'If you don't like them, don't come round'
Just don't go round and tell her that's why.
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