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Is he BU or do I need 'psyciatric help and anger management'?

(91 Posts)
Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 09:55:36

My youngest DC has the norovirus, hes young so only wants me. Ive been up to my armpits in sick, poo and washing. In the last three days I took him out the houss twice (school run) he was sick all down his all-in-one coat the first time, through every layer, it was covered. The second it was poo through every layer, up and down his back.

Yesterday DP was at work, I had enough food to give the eldest breakfast and lunch but that was it. No food for me, which was fine but I was waiting to see if the youngest could fare a trip to Tesco. He was just sick so figured his stomach could be rested enough to do a quick trip (we had no dinner, and DP was going straight from work to take DC1 to swimming so wouldnt have the chance) I blitz round tesco, get to the till, type in my pin wrong once and locks my card (apparently Id typed it in wrong in the past) cant get my shopping, cant call my bank my phones at home.

I drive home, get my phone try to drive back and my car starts failing. Its 3pm now and Im starving and worried the baby'll puke again.

I call DP and tell him my predicament, he finishes early, goes to tesco and they put all the food away!! He comes back with nothing!

I go mad for a good minute or two, I shout that its been a shit day, Im hungry, my cars broken, the baby is due to puke or poo and now DP is telling me its too late hes taking DC1 to swimming lessons he'll be back at about 5.20.

Im pissed right off but he gives me some biscuits, what else can I do?

This morning I tell him about a nightmare I had and he said, with a look of disgust on his face, "I think you need psychiatric help." Wtf?!

I tell him thats a shit thing to say, he starts saying I was an angry PITA yesterday and I need anger management! WTF?! It had all got ontop of me, I didnt scream, throw things or hit anyone. I just shouted for a minute, two maximum.

And its rare that ever happens! I said tell me one other time Id been angry like that in the last few months? Or longer! He couldnt.

But nope, he says I need psychiatric help because of my nightmares (he never dreams, I do, he thinks Im weird) and I need anger management because things got to me yesterday.

Is he BU or am I?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Sat 08-Dec-12 22:52:57

And dreams are indeed wank. Don't read anything into them.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Sat 08-Dec-12 22:51:37

Yanbu. Dh is an ungrateful twat. Sounds like he is taking you for granted. Refuse to shag or feed the knob for a good while.

Suzieismyname Sat 08-Dec-12 21:47:03

glad you're back on track with your DP and that your son is better.
I have disturbing dreams too sometimes. I find that if I talk about it and get a hug from DH it helps me shrug it off so I can get back to sleep or get up and on with the day. I know it's not real but it still feels horrible to have 'experienced' being chased by Nazis or zombies in your case

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 19:27:52

Oh, I misunderstood both your posts then, Im sorry.

My DC is back to normal, yes thankfully.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 08-Dec-12 19:24:39


scottishmummy Sat 08-Dec-12 19:23:13

im not specifically discussing your dream or what you may or may not think of it
i am generally observing i dont think dreams have meaning or significance
is your child better now

ClippedPhoenix Sat 08-Dec-12 19:22:05

Ummm, I was just backing you up on the not needing psychiatric help there grin

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 19:19:15

Eh? I never mentioned the meaning of my dream to him.
I just said that it was out of order to tell me I needed psychiatric help after Id come downstairs and told him about a horrific nightmare I had.

scottishmummy Sat 08-Dec-12 19:11:15

dreams dont have meanings or unconscious significance
dreams are cognitive processing,running through thoughts,no deep significance
hope your child feels better,its been rough few days

ClippedPhoenix Sat 08-Dec-12 19:08:40

All that was like a sketch from "smack the pony" grin

Dreams are just that, don't get stuck on their meanings for god sake, if I did I'd be in bloody broadmoor now.

I'ts just the stress of a sick child at the end of the day and your partner wanted to "fix" stuff but you just wanted to get it all off your chest.

Glad you're feeling calmer OP grin and I like a shout every now and again.

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 18:53:29

Ok thank you to everyone on this thread. You helped me put it into words with DP.

So I said we need to talk about this morning. I said I think his expectations of me are far too high (thank you Chunky) if he expects me to cope with all that I do and not occasionally (and it is occasional) reach my limit and blow up. I appologised to him that he was on the recieving end but I should not be made to feel like I need 'help' if I cant cope with much more. I named two friends with babies the same age and said they have normal babies and I know for sure they blow up when they reach their limits and I have far more on my plate then them (WRT the babys serious health issues).

He said, yes you're right Im sorry I shouldnt have said it. "But you were going mad at me on the phone and I was trying to help you!"

I appologised and said I wasnt going mad at HIM rather that I was generally and he was on the recieving end.

I also explained it was unfair of him to have the reaction he did about the dream, he appologised about that.

Thank you everyone for helping me.

quirrelquarrel Sat 08-Dec-12 14:55:45

What are you getting from this? hilarious how you cling on
oh such a laughy day I'm having eh

scottishmummy Sat 08-Dec-12 14:51:31

was that attempt at pithy put down?
maybe you do have sense of humour
if you're scrabbling about with wind and that

quirrelquarrel Sat 08-Dec-12 14:49:03

Yeah, I find a lot of things funny. Keeps life sweet smile
Pity for you, better hope the wind doesn't change.

scottishmummy Sat 08-Dec-12 14:44:22

clearly you have low threshold for humour if that nearly chokes you
it's not funny.usual hyperbole about showing who's da boss
aye he'd be wearing his baws as earmuffs and such tales of what folk would do

quirrelquarrel Sat 08-Dec-12 14:28:32


yes, I did nearly choke smile you weren't there
I haven't heard the expression before. where's your sense of humour?

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Sat 08-Dec-12 14:26:01

That one being scottishmummys wee humphy comment

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Sat 08-Dec-12 14:25:08

hmm humphy face at that one

scottishmummy Sat 08-Dec-12 14:11:29

no you didnt nearly choke,it's not that funny
and she not be wearing his nuts for earrings
usual mn i isn't avin it hyperbole.yo yo sista

Suzieismyname Sat 08-Dec-12 14:09:23

Well he sounds quite a bit like my DH then. He grew up in a house where his parents never argued, noone raised their voice. Mine was the complete opposite. My Dad was occasionally violent to my mum. They very frequently had huge slanging matches. It was a very loud house.
I think I'm a bit like you, I lose my temper occasionally, over something big or a buildup of lots of little things.
Having grownup in my house, I would rate my temper as a 3/4 out of 10. My DH rates it as a 8/9 out of 10, because he's just not used to it.
Over the years I have tried to explain to him that he is at the more abnormal end of the scale for temper, albeit the quieter side!
I'm not suggesting that you tell him he's abnormal, but perhaps you could try to explain that there is a very wide spectrum of tempers and you definitely don't seem to be at the violent problem end!

quirrelquarrel Sat 08-Dec-12 14:05:37

I'd be wearing his nuts for earings

Sorry just nearly choked at this grin

quirrelquarrel Sat 08-Dec-12 14:04:23

Especially about the look of disgust.

Reading MN just make me wonder how husbands and fathers can be so utterly shit sometimes. And I have the best dad in the world who's the best husband to my mum. Seriously another world.

HildaOgden Sat 08-Dec-12 14:01:22

Right so,your post of 13.33 gives me a better picture of how this can be sorted.

First of all,I'll say yes,he was an arse to slag you off and be so grumpy about it now.But I have a feeling that this is the straw that is breaking the camels back,so to speak,and it could possibly be a good (although hurtful) way to start getting things sorted.

You say that generally he isn't an arse,that he does ask how to help,what can he do?

I'm wondering if you have fallen into the trap that so many mothers of young...particularly ill....children fall into.That of believing that unless they do everything for the child,it wont be done 'right'?If you are constantly being the sole carer of that child....and he is constantly left on the sidelines,offering to help but being 'shoo'ed' away (all the while watching you getting more and more ground down by that heavy duty) is kind of understandable that he got pissed off at being shouted at for not helping properly at the exact moment you decided he needed to.

Do you see my point?I could be totally off-beam with that,but perhaps it's a possibility?

If it is,than have a think about that.Start including him with helping on a more regularly basis,ease the load of yourself.In his favour,on the night the row exploded he wasn't off gallivanting and avoiding pulling his weight....he was bringing one child swimming,then went to tescos to collect the shopping...then got the head chewed off him when he asked what did you want to do as the staff had removed the shopping?

He was willing to help/pull his weight...and lets face it,looking after a child with long term illness is a weight that is a hard load to carry.Stop feeling,on a daily basis,that you and you alone are responsible for that.Include your will ease the load from you.

If this rings true with you,then talk to him calmly about it today.Admit (to him,and to yourself) that you need help at times.Then make a plan that suits you both to share the load a bit more evenly in future.

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 13:58:24

Suzie, very very very rarely.

Suzieismyname Sat 08-Dec-12 13:57:09

Wossit, does your DP ever lose his temper?

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