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AIBU to think you might consider prostitution if you are on the your your arse knees?

(91 Posts)
ElfBabies Thu 06-Dec-12 22:59:26

I have been skint properly skint and have thought about 'selling my body'

Lucky I have never got to that place, but if I ever do would I be wrong and dirty for doing so or sensible and clever for securing an income?

FreudiansSlipper Sun 09-Dec-12 13:20:29

i would hope that i was never that desperate

when i was young i was being groomed for it by those i hanged around with, high class prostitutes and lap dancers (it was very early on only a few clubs about) though of course i was told you only escort them. thankfully i wised up and could see how terribly these women were treated and the passing around between men made me sick.

where i work they have groups for sex workers and having sat in these groups, many of the women went into this line of work and thought the could handle it very very few can and it can not be ignored the numbers of women who have been sexually abused in their childhood, the ownership they feel over their own bodies and the acting out of disgust they feel with themselves does the money they get compensate these feeelings or the initial feelings of empowerment. films and books make it often sound so easy and often glamours and it is not at all

ParsingFancy Sun 09-Dec-12 13:24:54

ErikNorseman, you're slightly out of date. A very specific gap has been opened up in benefits between JSA and ESA (formerly Incapacity Benefit).

People are not eligible for JSA because they're not fit to work 35 hours a week, but not eligible for ESA because they're not sufficiently UNfit, eg have been deemed able to work an hour a day.

Many aren't eligible for DLA either, which is for specific personal care and mobility needs, even though people end up living off it.

If mild-to-moderately sick/disabled people don't have children, they can end up with nothing to live on. This is a new situation, so beliefs that "the benefits system will support everyone" are no longer true.

(((( Rabbits )))) sad

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Sun 09-Dec-12 17:20:31

Still waiting for my own DLA award, but much of the pressure has been taken off with getting my DD's, I am now getting carers allowance and a premium on my income support, plus extra tax credits, and high rate care for her. Makes things much easier, although still a heavy financial burden being disabled myself and having a child with difficulties like my DD (and possibly my DS sad) do.

Thanks though. My mother had a rant at me about not abandoning my children and leaving them to think I didn't care enough to keep fighting, and she was right.

expatinscotland Sun 09-Dec-12 17:24:07

I've been so skint I considered it, back before I had kids and was supple and young.

I'd probably deal drugs first, though.

fatlazymummy Sun 09-Dec-12 18:28:12

I thought about it when I was younger and skint.
I don't think I would have earned much though 'cos I'm pretty crap at sex.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 09-Dec-12 18:44:20

I don't know. I would hope there are always better options than that... I don't know anything about benefits and what you'd be entitled to, but surely most people could 'survive' on benefits if it came to it?

HollyBerry I'm sure it wasn't meant that way, but just for future reference 'Jewess' isn't a good word to use. 'Jewish women' is better!

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 09-Dec-12 18:45:19

Parsing only just read your post properly, sorry.

HairyGrotter Sun 09-Dec-12 18:46:16

I was offered money to be a dominatrix, and I seriously considered it. However, my faith in men is fast dwindling, my being a professional dom would obliterate that last shred of hope into a thousand pieces.

I have a DD, I want her to do better than I have, and I would hate for her to ever consider taking that line of work. I can see why it happens though, life without money is fucking tough

ImperialSantaKnickers Sun 09-Dec-12 19:00:49

Like I suspect most of us, I'd consider anything short of murder if it was life or death. And maybe even murder, who knows how any of us would react in an apocalyptic situation?

TheBriefestNameChange Sun 09-Dec-12 19:07:38

I have done it. Just once. I hadn't eaten a thing for 4 days and I needed rent money urgently as the LL where I was lodging was about to change the locks and put me out on the street. I am not proud of it but I was desperate. I am also not ashamed though. I did what I had to do at the time to survive.

I would explore every other option possible before doing it again though.

Go ahead and flame me - I can take it.

amillionyears Sun 09-Dec-12 19:10:36

I dont think people should judge people about this.
If I was skint, I would throw myself at the mercy of family, friends, neighbours in that order.

Southeastdweller Sun 09-Dec-12 19:13:50

Sure I'd do it if I was desperate enough. You do what you do to get by. It's up to you about how you'd feel about it. Much better to do than deal drugs anyway.

FellowshipOfFestiveFellows Sun 09-Dec-12 19:19:16

A close friend of mine (whom I considered like a sister) had the same idea. She was 19, single Mum to a ds age 2, flat with nothing in it and desperate to pull herself out of that life by training as a nurse.

This is 4 years back.
She went to the jobcentre, and asked for help regarding the training to be a nurse thing, and they refused to help, telling her she was silly to want to do it with her poor education, and to perhaps choose a shop assistant trainee course instead. Now, I am in no way saying she would have got that response anywhere else, but that said my older dsil who was also a single Mum at the time asked for help in the place I am now, with also poor education/exams and having left school in the 80s, and she did an access course first, and is now a trained Nurse.

Anyway, thinking that she didn't want to simply give up, she auditioned for a TV channel who have girls on their station who are "babes" who answer phonecalls live. She was a pretty thing, and became quite popular. She started to make quite a bit, had her parents to look after her ds for her as it was funny hours. She would text me knowing I was up with new born ds, and ask me what to say to callers when she was tired (she was allowed a laptop, supposedly to answer tweets etc, but would be chatting away to me on Facebook. She started to take caffeine tablets at first. She was hanging around with a group of girls from the station, got into anywhere they liked, met a recent ex-husband of Jordan, living the high life. Met a guy who was her dream apparently.
He was a heroin addict. She had no idea of this at first, as he kept himself tidy, and as he didn't beat her up like her ds' dad had, she was smitten. Then things started to disappear from her flat. She blamed friends she'd had for years, blamed her own sister. Of course it was the boyfriend.

She then got into personal appearances at strip clubs here there and everywhere, and poached by another channel too. She was approached for glamour model work.

Then she turned up at my house at Christmas- we found her, in her car, at 6am, asleep on my driveway. She was totally out of it. Her teeth had rotted, her hair was straggly. But she was all full of the joys of the season, happy as ever, buying gifts for the dcs, taking us out for lunch. But you could tell she wasn't the same.

Sadly, what started out as a way to support her child and pull herself up to a better life, has turned into a life of prostitution, various prison stays, and at least 3 ODs where she was basically dead when she was found but brought back by paramedics. She lost her son, she has nothing. Not a thing. She looks at least 15 years older, and everytime I see a picture pop up on Facebook, I cry. She doesn't speak to me anymore, as I sent her a letter when she was inside at one point, begging her to get help, to let her Dad look after her when she got out. She saw this as me being "snobby" now I had moved to a "nicer area", so she wont speak to me now.

This is something which we all thought was fine to begin with, which we supported her in as we thought she was pretty savvy.

I am in no way suggesting that any of you would end up this way, but the guilt I feel over not saying "hell no" 4 years ago is immeasurable.


fatlazymummy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:58:19

fellowship not judging your friend [or anyone else], but what made her think that the only choice was between training as a nurse, and sex work? Really, what would have been so terrible about being a shop assistant? Not the best job in the world of course, but something a lot of people do.
I don't get this mindset. To me, like most other people on this thread, any kind of work in the sex industry would be the last resort, no matter if the money was better.

Latara Sun 09-Dec-12 19:59:28

Getting benefits is definitely not easy.. i applied for Working Tax Credits at the end of September, can only work 2 days a week due to chronic mental health problems, get DLA low rate, STILL waiting for the Tax Credits!!

But i would never consider prostitution, ever.

I wouldn't judge anyone who would though.

12ylnon Sun 09-Dec-12 19:59:32

I know a couple of escorts and strippers through friends. They're all really nice girls, very clever (they all started when they were at uni and just carried on), earn a MUCH better wage than me and they actually enjoy their jobs. The escorts i know work for a very good company and they're very well looked after, i'm sure thats not the case for everyone in that line of work though.
But personally, no, i wouldn't.

Latara Sun 09-Dec-12 20:03:59

fellowship yes, i wondered the same as fatlazymummy - HCA work for eg. pays well if you join the right agencies; & HCAs often get on the job NVQ training.

Agency HCAs get better rates if they are student nurses; especially if people work on the Bank at their training hospital.
The hours are very flexible so ideal for mothers.

So definitely prostitution was nothing like the only option - lots of my single parent colleagues can testify to that.

Bogeyface Sun 09-Dec-12 20:06:31

Never say never.

If it was genuinely a choice between my kids going hungry or having sex for money, i would do it.

And I am surprised that there are people who can't imagine being so absolutely without a way to feed their children and say that they would never ever consider it.

flow4 Sun 09-Dec-12 20:33:48

I have sometimes thought I would sooner sell sex than work in Tescos or another minimum wage job... It's not a moral issue for me; it's a practical and emotional one.

But the reality of prostitution is almost always much harsher than anyone can imagine: prostitutes are not generally empowered, independent, self-employed, well-paid, happy and safe, and providing well for their children; they are much more likely to find themselves desperate, afraid, trapped, pimped, forced, threatened and beaten, drug-addicted, getting no payment for sex because they owe 'debts' to their pimps, and losing custody of their children.

It's not a co-incidence that so many of the women selling sex are actually illegal immigrants, drug addicts, people with mental health issues, under age, or otherwise vulnerable. Generally, women who sell sex are pretty desperate. sad

FellowshipOfFestiveFellows Sun 09-Dec-12 20:59:04

I think she just didn't want to end up in a dead end, unskilled, crap paying job, and didn't get the advice she could have had. Nursing was something which would have given her a secure job. She had been in care as a kid, had just got out of an abusive relationship, her Mum's idea of doing the right thing for the family was to teach her two daughters to shop lift, and she just wanted to do better. Her education was non-existent, she was sharp as a knife but got appalling GCSE results due to bunking off and not turning up for exams.

I know it sounds like the last resort, but she decided to use what God gave her in terms of her looks to do something she felt was harmless on the telly, she wore undies and never got her clothes off at that point. If you look at any of these shows on Sky, you can see any number of young, pretty girls on them.

fatlazymummy Sun 09-Dec-12 21:21:18

Fellowshipthanks for the reply. It sounds as if your friend was very vulnerable and was let down by the advisers at the job center.
Hope things improve for her.

FreudiansSlipper Sun 09-Dec-12 21:27:15

how sad for your friend Fellow sad

i can be very un emotional when it comes to sex but someone having sex with me thinking i am just dirt who cares nothing about how i feel who is going to fuck me next if i am enjoying it is very different from someone who has no other feelings for me than just wanting to have sex with me

FellowshipOfFestiveFellows Sun 09-Dec-12 21:43:37

Exactly that fatlazymummy. The thing is, she was so strong, funny as anything, my dneph fancied the pants off her at one point, she cut down and told him he was too up his own arse, it was hilarious. Then overnight she turned into someone I didn't recognise. She would have done anything for her ds pre meeting the tosser she met. Cos he didn't hit her, she thought the world of him, and lost everything.

I hope, truly hope, she sorts it all out. But I can't see that at the moment.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 09-Dec-12 23:34:40

Briefestnamechange I just wanted to say I saw your post and I would never flame you. I am sorry, and I hope things improved for you

flow4 Mon 10-Dec-12 00:06:19

I hadn't seen your post Briefest (so thanks for drawing my attention to it, AnyF). I wouldn't flame you either. And I bet you're not the only person here who's done it, even if you're the only one saying so.

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