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to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

(1000 Posts)
forbiddenfruit85 Thu 06-Dec-12 21:25:30

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

PaintedInRed Thu 06-Dec-12 22:05:03

The only reason why I would not want a friend to bring their baby along to an occasion like this, is because I would be thinking that they deserve a night out on their own, to let their hair down, without baby being there.

BUT if it's easier for her to bring baby, because she wants to carry on ebf then good for her I say. It's obviously not going to spoil her night, otherwise she wouldn't come? So it shouldn't spoil yours either.

Proudnscaryvirginmary Thu 06-Dec-12 22:05:11

I agree that this is Mumsnet vs The Real World.

In RL I would not want a small baby at an evening get together.

I think evening meals out are for adults.

We parents spend enough of our chuffing time talking about/dealing with/focussing on children.

BUT I wouldn't say anything as it's her choice really and I'm sure it will work out fine. Also she really does not have to bottle feed her baby for other people's convenience if she doesn't want to! (Disclaimer: I was a bottle feeder so I'm not getting on one!).

destinationanywhere Thu 06-Dec-12 22:05:14

Op I think you are being unfairly slated here. I would feel the same. I have 4 children and have bf them all but would not have gone to an adult night out with them. If I couldn't leave them I wouldn't go.

DamnBamboo Thu 06-Dec-12 22:06:28

Newsflash... you can EBF a six month old and leave them only for a couple of hours!

TartyMcTart Thu 06-Dec-12 22:07:14

Wow OP, I can't believe so many people think YABU! I thought you we're going to say you we're all meeting for a lunch at someone's house, not a meal out in the evening. I'd be gutted if I went out for a Christmas piss-up and there we're kids there.

We took our out when they we're tiny, i.e. weeks old, at 6 months they want to be tucked up in bed not whinging in a crowded restaurant.

iwantabigbangshowercurtain Thu 06-Dec-12 22:07:22

YANBU - I too can't see why she cant feed the baby before she leaves and on her return confused

DamnBamboo Thu 06-Dec-12 22:07:32


pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 22:07:53

It's fine to want adult only night out of corse, but don't expect this friend to come

Boomeringue Thu 06-Dec-12 22:08:10

I doubt that your friend really wants to go anyway.

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 22:09:31

Baby is still little and might wake up in between for a feed, babies are not robots

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 22:10:14

It's not onl about nutrition th baby might wa up and want the comfort of a bf

PaintedInRed Thu 06-Dec-12 22:10:41

Sorry, just re-read and saw that baby is 6 months old. In that case, she should be able to come out for a couple of hours to a meal without baby?

mathanxiety Thu 06-Dec-12 22:10:42

YABVU and you seem to think it is ok to judge her decision about what to feed her baby too, so YABVU on that score too..

You want her to put your 10 pm dinner before her baby and the fact that she is the baby's sole source of nourishment. Why? It's very needy of you to seek reassurance from friends that you are still number one in their lives despite the fact that they have had a baby. Does it hurt you that someone would choose her baby over your party?

I bet she is capable of dealing with her baby herself if she decides to bring him, whether to take the baby home and call it a night, etc. If that prospect upsets you then you need to get over yourself.

Child free times are good in theory but they are not enjoyable if they are not freely chosen by the parent. Being dragooned into child free evenings is not a pleasant experience. 'You're all going to have a nice child free night out because that is what I want' sounds like Christmas Cheer all right...

ravenAK Thu 06-Dec-12 22:10:52

Well, if OP was saying 'I don't want friend to bring the baby because I'm looking forward to a night out with mates & having a baby along will change the dynamic', then fair enough.

But she's couched it as ' I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby' which is a tad disingenuous - babies quite often love noisy social gatherings &/or will slumber happily through them, & it's not really her concern whether her mate is happy with the 'environment' for her baby or not.

Just don't pretend it's concern for the baby if it's really concern for having your evening spoilt!

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 22:11:49

So if I were te friend i would not go as the baby would still be dependent on me

DamnBamboo Thu 06-Dec-12 22:11:56

It might happen piglet it's true. Anything can happen...

However, at six months old, their feeding times are much further apart...3 hours between feeds is probably average. I've never know differently having had 4 and also having known many, many more EBF babies too.

This statement is anecdotal yes, but it's more likely to be this scenario than the one where he wakes up and wants milk 45 mins after his last feed.

fluffypillow Thu 06-Dec-12 22:12:53

When my babies were this age, I wouldn't have forced them to take a bottle just so I could go on a night out. If I could , I would bring them along (and leave early if necessary).

It wasn't that I 'couldn't be bothered', but I always put my childrens needs first. Their need to breastfeed would come before my need to have a meal out. It's not just about food for a breastfed baby, it's about comfort and security too.

YABVU. Your friend is just being a good Mum imo.

BarceyDussell Thu 06-Dec-12 22:13:35

How far is the restaurant from her home? Is it close enough that the boyfriend or family members can bring the baby to her if it wakes and needs feedibg?

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 22:14:22

But what about other people who are out for the night?

They won't want someone else's baby crying in the background? I doubt the restaurant would be chuffed either.

It's a mad idea.

DamnBamboo Thu 06-Dec-12 22:14:22

Yes, because every woman that leaves her 6 mo child has to then potentially force them to take a bottle.


BarceyDussell Thu 06-Dec-12 22:16:13

Why do people want a medal for putting their babies needs first at the expense of everyone else? Stay home if you are going to be a bleeding martyr and let adults enjoy an adult night out. No one is applauding you for your first rate parenting, theyre just wondering why you bothered coming out in the first place.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 22:16:22

You can be a good mum and go out without your baby

notmyproblem Thu 06-Dec-12 22:19:23

Change "Christmas meal" to "wedding" in the title and watch how the tide of MN screechers changes from YABU to YANBU. hmm

Of course it's not appropriate to bring a 6-month-old to a late evening adult dinner party. Not much different to a wedding reception is it?

Definitely a case where Mumsnet skews to the nutter side compared to real life where people are less indignant over perceived slights and have more common sense.

suburbophobe Thu 06-Dec-12 22:20:00


The only thing to do with a 6-month-old baby is to stay at home for a nice cuddle-up Christmas day or 2 or 3 (get all the supplies in!).

Bed, sofa, telly, heating on, water/food, tit of course, or bottle....

Who would want to go somewhere anyway.. especially where you're not wanted.

There'll be plenty more years you can catch up with all that Christmas hysteria....

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 06-Dec-12 22:21:04

Urgh I can't stand a Mummy Martyr. I do think there are some mothers out there who need their baby to only settle with them. The baby has two parents and GPs in hand. Milk isnt too far away if she feeds before she leaves and as soon as she returns. Has she ever been without her dc? Has the dad ever had the chance to be in sole charge?

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