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to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

(1000 Posts)
forbiddenfruit85 Thu 06-Dec-12 21:25:30

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

Iggly Thu 06-Dec-12 21:50:43

It's her call. YANBU to judge. I would.

But YABU to not want the baby at all.

You sound a bit hmm TBH. The baby is 6 months, why bother with a bottle.

I will admit I pulled out of a hen do because I couldn't leave DD. would you have judged me?

noblegiraffe Thu 06-Dec-12 21:51:51

Do you want to see your friend (+baby) or would you prefer she didn't come at all? Because those are the two options.

Forcing a baby who doesn't want to, to take a bottle because you want it to isn't one of the options on the table.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 06-Dec-12 21:52:44

But some of these women may well be looking forward to having a child free night out. Her baby her decision yes - but it doesnt just affect her does it?

And no body seems to have responded as to why she cant feed before she goes.out, go for the meal and return after it for another feed?

I love my dd but I sure as hell would need the odd hour or two without her every now and again.

HollaAtMeSanta Thu 06-Dec-12 21:52:49

YANBU. A healthy 6mo baby should be able to go 3 hours between feeds so the bottle issue is irrelevant. Not sure you can actually do anything, though.

harrietspy Thu 06-Dec-12 21:53:40

The baby years are over so quickly. Live and let live.

Startail Thu 06-Dec-12 21:55:13

DD 2, quite simply, wouldn't take a bottle to save her life.

She ended up supplementing breast milk with yoghurt.

By 9 months she'd have juice from a cup and yoghurt for super off DH, but not at six months.

She might have been ok in a restaurant at that age, DD1 was, she went to the works curry.

charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 21:55:16

Me too GoldPlatedNineDoors

I love my dd, but it's so lovely to have an hour or two away to just be me.

I feel it benefits her too.

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 21:55:28

Yabvu the baby is breastfed so cannot Beirut her mother, if that is how you feel op, if I were your friend I would not go

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 21:55:54

Meant be without

chunkythighs Thu 06-Dec-12 21:56:54

forbidden this is where real life and MN life is very skewed. There are situations where it is not ok to bring a child- this is one of them. However in the mn world saying so is the equivalent of supporting child neglect. It is an adult occasion and open to adults only-if she can't manage that then she shouldn't go. Similarly you wouldn't bring a husband on a girls night out or go to a funeral for a first date.

CabbageLeaves Thu 06-Dec-12 21:56:56

Not having small children anymore I do find the dribbles and dropped food, regurgitated food and filled nappies less of an attraction. It's a bit like slugs of snot - you cope with your own children and cease to see it as quite so vomit inducing ....when you are not surrounded by it anymore, you are less desensitised

Child free times are good -I'm not sure why anyone needs to accuse you of being a bad mother for wanting a child free evening.

Of course the baby might just stay asleep and quiet in a corner in which case it could be at home

DamnBamboo Thu 06-Dec-12 21:57:40

To be fair, if he's six months old, a feed right before friend leaves and then another feed when she gets back (say 2 hours later) would be fine. She doesn't actually have to bring him.

Having said that, it is her choice and assuming she is attentive (which it would appear she is) then if he makes a fuss, she'll soothe him and/or leave so it shouldn't really affect the evening that much.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 06-Dec-12 21:57:42

You don't like this "friend" much, do you ?

festivelyfocussed Thu 06-Dec-12 21:57:49

Well, I suppose ynbu to want the baby not to come, that's just the way you feel about it. But if I were your "friend" i'd be mortified at your view on this and i'd rather not be there at all. Is've often seen babies out in restaurants in the evening and everyone seems v. Happy (post smoking ban of course).
It's not reasonable to expect a b/f ing mother to push a bottle onto her baby (some simply don't take to a bottle) just to have a child free night out.
Do you carry the casting vote in the arrangements for this meal?

GreatUncleEddie Thu 06-Dec-12 21:58:30

Shh we aren't supposed to mention Beirut on here grin

UterusUterusGhaLaLaLaLaLi Thu 06-Dec-12 21:59:32


There are 9 other people. It's not like you're going to be forced onto making conversation with the baby.

You're unnecessarily rounding on Lovebunny too. You were the one tutting because she only tried once. (Going by your "tone") It sounded like you expect all parents to switch to bottles.

DamnBamboo Thu 06-Dec-12 21:59:33

Agree with goldplated and holla. She may want to bring him, but it's not the same as having to

CabbageLeaves Thu 06-Dec-12 22:00:19

The other point that has been made is that other mums may have made huge efforts to have a babysitter for a 'child free' evening.

I get asked out a lot and turn it down because despite the previous posts I am really enjoying my 10yr olds company and don't wish to do things without her. Nor is it appropriate that she should come as it's adult meetings. She comes to some things but my friends have much older DC and it would affect the night if my DD was sat with us

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 22:00:21

Errrrr predictive things on I pads smile

MollyMurphy Thu 06-Dec-12 22:01:28

It is late for dinner with baby in tow - it I was her I would consider a sitter if able. Its kind of a shame you guys didn't consider making it earlier to accomodate her needs in view of the fact that you know she is dealing with the breastfeeding issue. That would have been the most friend-like thing to do. Now she is in a more difficult situation.

She is probably not thrilled that dinner is so late but is sacrificing so she can see you all. I would appreciate that and accept the sacrifice that there will be an infant present. More of an inconvience to her evening than yours IMO.

Besides, its not a ladies night out or anything its a Christmas get together - Christmas equates to family in my book. I wouldn't have assumed my child wasn't welcome...(I could be delusional here I admit).

BarceyDussell Thu 06-Dec-12 22:02:04

Well i dont think feeding a baby milk from a bottle makes anyone a bad mother so have no idea wtf that chat was about.

I dont think yabu op. I wouodnt want an uninvited gues there either even if they were only 6 months old and i would rather the friend didnt come at all than spent the whole night on mother duties with socialising coming second. Whats the bloody point?

McChristmasPants2012 Thu 06-Dec-12 22:02:20

why can't you be a good friend and want a child-free evening.

ENormaSnob Thu 06-Dec-12 22:02:41

Yanbu at all imo

I wouldn't want a baby there on a works night out.

Likewise I wouldn't dream of taking any of mine on a night out. When they were ebf I just declined the invites.

Bagofspiders Thu 06-Dec-12 22:03:38

I don't get it. The baby's 6 months old, can he not go for a couple of hours without a feed? Genuine question.
I wonder if there's more going on here & there are other reasons why your friend doesn't want to leave her baby.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 22:04:23

I wouldn't fancy a night out with a baby tbh. And 6 months old isn't like a few weeks old where they would just sleep.

What if he starts screaming, won't settle. Not great for other diners.

Bad idea to bring him.

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