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to not want to pay for my friend to have a party!?

(85 Posts)
charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 19:16:34

Good friend of mine is having her first dc in less than 2 months. She has two older sisters who have decided to throw her party/baby shower as a surprise.

One good friend (who is also invited, she is going to Godmother) has forwarded on to me a text saying that the sister is asking for donations towards the food and decorations for the shower.

I found it rude that I wasn't asked by the sister herself and that I'm expected to contribute too as it sounds like its compulsory. If its not paid before the party then we should give her the money when we get there (shes hosting it at her house).

We were told that we didn't have to bring gifts if we didn't want to, but obviously I am going to get her a gift.

She is a good friend and I want her to have a good baby shower but why should I and all the guests be expected to pay for it?


TidyDancer Thu 06-Dec-12 19:18:17

Well she's only asking I suppose. You could say no, or decline the invitation.

I can't stand baby showers personally, but if it means something to your good friend, why wouldn't you want to make sure she has a nice time?

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 19:19:06

Why don't you want o chip in?

If it's because of money fair enough but if it's just he principle I think it's a bit off. Sorry.

If this were one of my friends I would contribute.

ENormaSnob Thu 06-Dec-12 19:19:41

I wouldn't attend a baby shower anyway.

I would rather take a plate and bottle to a party than be asked for a monetary contribution.

Catsdontcare Thu 06-Dec-12 19:20:47

Yanbu if you host a party then you foot the cost. If you don't want to pay then you invite people out for drinks or a meal where people pay for themselves.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 19:20:52

i think yanbu.

if someone wants to host a baby shower then they are accepting the cost of it. i wouldn't mind if they said something like "guests are welcome to bring a dish" but not if i am expected to contribute to the cost.

i would bring a gift but not give any money.

Catsdontcare Thu 06-Dec-12 19:22:03

Obviously it's good manners to take a bottle of something to a party I wouldn't turn up empty handed

stifnstav Thu 06-Dec-12 19:24:33

How much have they asked for?

KittyFane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 19:25:24

How much?
£10/20 Yes and no present.
£20+ No.

charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 19:26:51

It's not about the money, she could be asking for £5 or £50. It's just my opinion that if I was going to host a party at my house then I would foot the cost.

Giving money to the host was made to sound mandatory from the text I read.

I'm obviously bringing her a gift, whether its optional or not.

KittyFane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 19:27:41

It's accepted to be asked to bring food and drink to share but agree it's unusual to ask for money.

hermioneweasley Thu 06-Dec-12 19:28:57

OP, wasn't it you that had the work colleague wanting your wedding dress for her DD? If so, you know an extraordinary number of rude and grabby people!

ChoudeBruxelles Thu 06-Dec-12 19:29:17

I'm having friends round tomorrow evening - I'll buy food and some wine but I'm everyone will bring a bottle or something. Wouldn't dream of asking them for money.


FivesGoldNorks Thu 06-Dec-12 19:31:12

I thought presents were the point of a baby shower?

MrsBungleBear Thu 06-Dec-12 19:33:17

YANBU. If she is hosting the party at her house then she foots the bill is my opinion.

My friend had a new years eve party a few years ago. When we got there she asked everyone for £5 to cover the cost of the food and champagne (we got half a glass of cava at midnight!).

The food was a few frozen bits from the supermarket.

No one who attended that party has ever forgotten it - we reckon she must have made loads of money in profit! I paid as I felt put on the spot. My other friend did not pay as she had no money on her but she got a text the next day reminding her that she owed a fiver!

charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 19:33:53

Yes hermioneweasley that was me. Thankfully these are people who I wouldn't class as friends and unfortunately there are rude and grabby people in this world.

She is asking for £10.

AllSnowballsAndNoKnickers Thu 06-Dec-12 19:35:35

OP, wasn't it you that had the work colleague wanting your wedding dress for her DD? If so, you know an extraordinary number of rude and grabby people!

This ^^. Exactly.

BackforGood Thu 06-Dec-12 19:37:26

I don't think I'd go to a babyshower anyway - never been asked (don't know anyone rude enough to have an event, the sole purpose of which is to receive gifts for themselves), but I agree with the other, if you are hosting a party of anykind, you don't ask people to pay to attend. If money is tight, then make it just a 'drinks' evenings (when you normally end up with more wine that you started as people bring a full bottle but only drink a glass or two), or, as someone else said, say to people "We're meeting here if you want to come, it's £x a head". You can't charge people to come into your home!

LucyGoose Thu 06-Dec-12 19:38:31

So this "surprise" shower is not so much a surprise as a money maker? You pay to cover your food/drink plus bring a pressie? YANBU and sister is tacky tacky (one extra for the baby). I wonder if its a surprise, so mum-to-be doesn't get wind of her cheap sister's plans.....

BOFingSanta Thu 06-Dec-12 19:40:45

It's unbelievable how crass some people are, OP. especially people you know.

stella1w Thu 06-Dec-12 19:42:24

Deal is guests bring a present if they want to and those hosting foot the bill although i think a gentle request to bring something to share wd b ok.

Cahoootz Thu 06-Dec-12 19:44:55

I would offer to bring a dish of something and a bottle of something instead.

Lavenderhoney Thu 06-Dec-12 19:45:45

I thought a baby shower was about gifts and cheering up mum to be with her friends. But then, expecting another raft of presents after - well that's another thread.

I would be a bit amazed at being asked to contribute money- I have been asked in the past to bring food, like a pizza we can cut of something and juice, as mum to be wont be drinking, so surely it's just tea and some snacks? Like nibbles? She should have contacted you herself though, unless she is unaware of the request? Why dont you call her and ask her, as you say she is a good friend.

When the baby is here, will everyone be expected to stump up for the christening?

Pantofino Thu 06-Dec-12 19:47:30

I feel thankful everyday that my friends are not like this.

icclebabyjesusheave Thu 06-Dec-12 20:20:55

Damn them. Damn them for asking if you'd contribute to the event. I'd refuse to go if I were you and the let them know that it was Mumsnet that confirmed their dastardly unreasonableness.

Then pull your knickers down from where they're hoiked.

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