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to not "do" thank you notes

(58 Posts)
Justforlaughs Thu 06-Dec-12 16:56:40

We have never got into writing thank you notes/ letters. We always thank people for gifts in person (if they are actually there at the time) or on the phone. Is that really so bad?

helpyourself Thu 06-Dec-12 22:55:02

I thought better of posting, but my finger slipped- I was highlighting setphasers post. That is so true about rude people obsessing about thank you letters. It's PA.

helpyourself Thu 06-Dec-12 22:49:03


TravelinColour Thu 06-Dec-12 22:43:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie Thu 06-Dec-12 22:42:08

My exMIL and exSIL were punctilious about sending thank you notes. In person they were two of the rudest people I've ever met. grin

SantaWearsGreen Thu 06-Dec-12 22:39:57

I've never sent one confused

mamasmissionimpossible Thu 06-Dec-12 22:37:47

I spent years writing thank you notes to all and sundry, due to my mother forcing insisting.

I have horrible memories of trying to think up something to say, even though I was seeing the person the next day or had met up recently.

I think a verbal/text/phone call 'thank you' is enough

AlexanderS Thu 06-Dec-12 22:02:46

All that is required to be socially acceptable is a thank you of any sort BUT I do think a written note is best as it involves some thought/effort.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie Thu 06-Dec-12 21:59:23

I don't want a thank you note. I prefer a phone call or just someone to say thank you.

Thank you notes, no matter how nice the sentiment behind them always seem a bit forced to me. Plus I never have any idea what to do with them.

YANBU. I don't send them. I'm not Hyacinth Bouquet!

lovebunny Thu 06-Dec-12 21:51:14

hmm. thank you notes for presents, no. don't want them, don't send them. thank you notes or cards for work or kindnesses, yes, i like those.

Stangirl Thu 06-Dec-12 21:48:21

I have never written thank you notes (I'm 43). I only came across the concept when I was at University and still think it's bonkers. I sometimes write texts to people to thank them and always thank people face to face or over the phone when I have received a present recently.

NannyEggn0gg Thu 06-Dec-12 21:16:45

Ahem. Older generation here!

If I give a gift directly, verbal thanks are fine. A phone call for a delivered one would also be fine, but I do like to receive a written thank you. That does not mean a text. If you can text you can ring or write a note.

What I do hate are written thank yous which are clearly not written by the child when the child is quite capable of writing Thank You and their name. Or even worse, when they are at secondary school!

musicmadness Thu 06-Dec-12 21:11:21

I think it probably depends how you were brought up - my family doesn't do thank you cards and we never have. I'll say thank you next time I see the person (If it will be in the next few days) or will ring/text someone but I've never seen the point in sending a card. As long as you thank someone in some way I don't think it matters how.

HipHopOpotomus Thu 06-Dec-12 20:57:53

I have one friend who ALWAYS does them.

I prefer to thank in person and save the burden on the planet of all that paper, bleach, dye, rubbish etc

I do often send a thank you text, email or FB message though.

Gingerodgers Thu 06-Dec-12 20:39:24

I think that to get a note for a baby gift etc, when you know the sender has just banged them out is meaningless, I'd rather just have group FBI thank you! However, if I have had guests, or a party, and people write to thank me , and I know that they aren't banging out 50 or so letters that sound the same, it is really nice.

zukiecat Thu 06-Dec-12 20:36:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsApplepants Thu 06-Dec-12 20:28:38

I always send thank you notes, I think it's a nice tradition and good manners. If someone has spent time choosing a present for me, cooked me a meal or done me some other kind of favour, I like to thank them nicely. I don't expect to receive thank you cards myself but most of our friends and family also send them (and not just to me!) I'm not old either, 33.

I also love writing letters!

ThunderInMyHeart Thu 06-Dec-12 20:11:39

For me, it depends. If they are of a certain generation then, yes, I will handwrite them a note on some poncey paper.

Bullets Thu 06-Dec-12 20:08:56

And thank you OP for posting this, now I know how many other people feel the same way, I am NEVER doing thank you cards!!!

Bullets Thu 06-Dec-12 20:08:04

Thank you cards get right on my tits! What am I supposed to go with them??? Any we get go straight in the recycling, what a waste!

My SIL is a right one for making her own and writing long, pointless messages because it's 'what you should do', makes me want to scream "how about you actually spend some time with your poor daughter, who has absolutely no self esteem because you basically ignore her, you complete weirdo with fucked up priorities"??!!

Sorry, long day!

Yama Thu 06-Dec-12 19:14:46

All this judging - it's just another stick to beat women with.

Why on earth are mil's asking their dil's to send thank you notes? Why don't they ask their sons?

My dh feels no guilt for never sending a thank you note. His Mum once bought a couple of thank you cards and asked him to write in them to her friends after dc2's birth. She wouldn't dream of asking me as she's not sexist.

ArkadyRose Thu 06-Dec-12 19:07:44

I've never written a thank-you note in my life; we just don't do them in my family. If you've received the gift in person then presumably you've said thank you in person at the time; where's the point in doing it twice with a separate note afterwards? On rare occasions I've been sent a gift via someone else or in the post, I'll send a quick email, but that's it.

If it's an unsolicited gift from someone I don't even know, I'm not inclined to respond because it seems a bit weird to send something to someone you don't even know.

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems Thu 06-Dec-12 18:05:18

My grandma would insist that no thank you note/phone call meant you were an incredibly rude individual not worth any more of her time/effort - I'm not that extreme but I do consider it rude to not say thank you in some way, shape or form

fairylightsandtinsel Thu 06-Dec-12 17:51:27

I do do them but it can take a while (as in a couple of weeks) and MIL always asks me for them for her various friends and colleagues (many of whom I have never met) before I have had a chance. It does sound ungrateful I know, but I wish these people wouldn't buy for the DCs. They don't know them, never get them what they need, its just more "stuff" to pile into the car for the long journey home. I think thank-yous are nice and its not a huge deal to do them, but for some of my own long term freinds who I know would never send one, I often just email.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Thu 06-Dec-12 17:49:40

I always do thank you letters - it was ingrained into me from being about 8! I try to get mine to do this, - used to force them when they were young, but now leave it up to them. My relatives are miffed though if they don't get them.

Tailtwister Thu 06-Dec-12 17:47:12

YANBU. It's fine to thank someone in person or on the phone. I always write thank you cards for the children's birthday presents, as they are often from people I don't know that well (parents of children from nursery) and it's nice for them to know the child liked the present especially they weren't opened during the party. I get thank you cards from about 50% of people in the same circumstances. I don't judge, people can be short for time.

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