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To think that my reprobate cousin shouldn't be having a baby?

(319 Posts)
BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Thu 06-Dec-12 10:27:40

My cousin (I don't have a lot to do with her tbh because she --is a chav--does my head in) has just announced on Facebook that she and her "hubz" (boyfriend) are having a baby. She is not even 8 weeks pregnant hmm

My reasons for this are:

1. A few weeks ago she was doing FB statuses berating "the hubz" for hitting on other gyals <oh God> and doing those wanky "Y wud u go lukin 4 burggers when u got stake at home???" statuses. She is a child in a childish relationship.

2. About an hour after announcing her news on FB she updated her status saying "2 all de haterz out dere imma gonna be a GOOD MOM stop PMing me ur hate not intrested BYE"

3. Neither of them work.

4. She is immature. For example, at a relative's funeral a few weeks back, she sat texting through the whole thing. It was painful to watch.

5. Apparently, according to her Vicki Pollard mates who've been writing business all over her FB wall, my cousin has being trying to conceive for TWO YEARS! WTAF?! Why would you be trying THAT hard to conceive when you live in a flat, neither of you have a job and your boyfriend sounds like a penis? Why?

6. Her twin sister announced the pregnancy on HER FB before her sister had even done it. My head is spinning with confusion. I wonder how I share genes with these people.

<zips up flameproof suit>

HullyEastergully Fri 07-Dec-12 10:04:20

When you are still a child, and starring in your own drama, and then you have a child, it doesn't tend to go well because you have the child as a reflection of yourself, whereas of course when one brings forth new life, one has to put its needs first.

When that sweet baby with its pink headband grows up a bit and becomes a person in its own right, it tends to go really really not well.

(Speaking as someone who worked with the debris)

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:04:51

Oooo, I'd watch that <lowbrow>

Part of a series: "Chantelle and the Big Shop at the Supermarket". Chantelle and other won't-go's do their weekly shop. Follow Jo Pasquale as he negotiates the aisles of Aldi. Some of the All Saints meet in Tesco Costa - but who will go for the pumpkin latte? Jedward take a wrong turn at Morrissons and are locked in the meat freezer - will they charm their way out? Narrated droned by Jane McDonald.

Be bloody marve, I'd watch that too.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 10:07:59

I am taking bets on the name being either a terrible spelling of an actual name i.e Lillii Maiiee or a made-up name like Chazelle or Keefer.

LOL at Chantelle and the Big Shop. This needs to happen. <rings ITV>

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:18:35

I know a Bailee-Rae, which was a new one on me but is apparently quite popular now.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 10:23:50

I have heard of Chantelle, Alex Reid and Darren Day (lucky me), but not of Dean Gaffney or Dane Bowers (is that still a 'lucky me'?) blush

<very old person emoticon>

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 10:27:16

Dean Gaffney was an Eastenders actor in the early 1990s and, inexplicably, got a lot of lurve from the ladies He was well-known on the womanising circuit.

Dane Bowers was in a shit band called Another Level, again early 1990s. Another unlikely Romeo At one point, he apparenyl had Jordan and Vicki Beckham scrapping over his chubby cock.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 10:27:49


PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 10:37:46

Thanks, Baubles. What delights they are. Another Level seem (seems?) inexplicably to have passed me by, though even I have watched Eastenders in the past, before I gave it up for being full of miserable people being miserable and shouting a lot at each other.

PS Hully you are being very sensible on this thread. I fear for the Church.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:45:07

Dean Gaffney was memorably out-acted, out-smarted and out-attractived by Well'Ard the German Shepherd every week. Brought new lows to the Shag Marry or Die game as we all chose the dog.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 11:26:37

LOL at Gaffers being outsexed by Well'Ard.

Boak at the thought of being sexualised by Gaffney. Good God. He is like the lovechild of a skull on a stick and a chronic acne outbreak.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 11:54:51

Imagine him doing the sexing. Blee.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Fri 07-Dec-12 12:21:30

Bumped into the sex god Gaffney on the tube once, he was with that tit Ricky (don't know his real name) what a couple of knobs.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Sat 08-Dec-12 11:13:36

Oh God, she is on FB now moaning about her eviiiil mornin sikness.

I need to delete but can't do it. I am obviously one of those people that enjoys rubbernecking at car crashes sad

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Sat 08-Dec-12 11:15:25

Uh oh.

It will be a loooong pregnancy this one.

thecook Sat 08-Dec-12 11:41:13


I bet when the baby is born she inserts 'mummy loves (made-up name) into her FB name. Makes me want to puke when I see that.

TantrumsAndBalloons Sat 08-Dec-12 11:46:55

I bet she updates her FB status whilst in labour.

My cousin is planning on doing that. Complete with pictures apparently.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Sat 08-Dec-12 13:36:42

Oh lord, very pleased my cousins live miles away.

1944girl Fri 21-Dec-12 19:37:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

orlakielylover Tue 22-Jan-13 00:39:47

where would one put one's trampoline?? <snorts loudly>

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