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to have absolutely no idea what this man's problem is.

(116 Posts)
TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 09:19:37

I need the collective overactive imagination of Mumsnet to help me work this out!

DS1 goes to a pre-school attached to a school on a residential road. All the houses have large driveways so none of the residents park on the road. If there is an event on at the school or if you are trying to drop off around school drop-off time, you tend to have to park a long way away, but if you do an 8am drop-off and a 6pm pick-up like I do, there is no problem.

The driveways are all two large car lengths apart, so as long as everyone parks normally, you can fit several cars very close to the gate. You then have to walk through the school grounds so it doesn't make much difference whether you are the first car or the sixth car in line - it adds about 10 seconds onto a two or three minute walk.

There are some pre-school parents who always park right in the middle of the two spaces so that everyone else gets pushed further and further back down the road, but it still isn't a problem at that time of the morning. I am generally one of the first people there so I am usually the closest to the gate anyway.

Yesterday morning I dropped DS1 off and went back to the car. As I got in, a man pulled into the space behind me and sat there with the engine running. I didn't particularly register what he was doing as some of the older children for the breakfast club just get dropped at the gate so their parents don't get out of the car. I turned the engine on and then suddenly realised I had left my bag in the boot with my bottle of water, so I got out and walked round to the boot. The dad and the two children were still sitting in the car. At this point I did notice him as he was stopped so close to me that I couldn't actually get between him and my car and had to lean over to open the boot. He was staring at me and tapping his fingers on the wheel. I thought his kids might have been faffing around and he was in a hurry to get going. I got back in the car and pulled forward to turn round.

At this point he drove forwards about 4 feet so that he was half in my space and half in his and parked. I turned round and found I couldn't get past because he had opened his driver door fully and left it open - it is a narrow road. I waited, expecting him to close it, whereupon he looked at me, smirked and gave me a sort of "ha!" nod, and made no attempt to close the door. He eventually did close it and I drove off with him glaring and shaking his head at me.

I was bemused but put it down to him having a bad morning and focussing on some complete non-event - although I still couldn't work out why he was so desperate to park 4 feet further forward.

I passed him in the school grounds at pick up time and got another glare and a head-shake which was a bit bizarre, but no further parking shenanigans as he had managed to secure the front parking space this time.

Anyway, this morning I was again the first one there and when I came back to the car, the same man was already sitting in the space behind me, engine running, kids in the car. I did a bit of a double-take, because it looked suspiciously as though he was actually waiting for me to come back and move the car. Sure enough, I got in and drove out, at which point he once again moved forward so that he was right in the middle of the two spaces. And again, there was glaring and head-shaking as I drove back past him, although no silly buggers with the door.

I have wracked my brains about what the parking issue could be, that is so major that he has to actually wait for me to come out so that he can move into the space. The distance involved is so negligible that it can't possibly be a mobility issue - he and his children appear to have no difficulties in walking up to the pre-school, and even if there were issues in that respect, a distance of 4 feet is going to make no difference whatsoever. The only thing I can possibly think of is that he is precious about his car (a jag) and wants to park in the middle of the spaces so no-one can park too close and bump the car, but is too lazy to park in the next pair of spaces. Or has he always parked there before and now thinks of it as HIS space?

Am I uneasonable to continue to park in this space? And can anyone think of any explanation at all?! And why do I attract the driving/reversing/parking lunatics?

comedycentral Fri 07-Dec-12 18:06:52

Any news from today?

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Fri 07-Dec-12 10:31:00

Then we will see a thread here:

"A woman accused my husband of taking a dump on the bonnet of her car, wwyd?"

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Fri 07-Dec-12 10:29:55

Kungfupanda my son bought a very life like turd on the school fair. It freaks me out every time I come across it, I might happily try to lose it into an envelope and down your way.

You can then do this:

Deposit it on your bonnet prior to taking your dc to school. Pretend to see it as you come back to your car, walk over to twat-dad and accuse him of putting it there. grin

That will boggle his mind.

helenlynn Fri 07-Dec-12 00:39:48

mrscrimbobash, my husband just had to peel himself away from his computer to find out why I was crying with laughter in front of mine. I don't think I managed a very good explanation.

redbusandbigben Thu 06-Dec-12 22:39:32

Do you have a nice car?

I have a car that men seem to like. It's Japanese with a big engine and fairly newish.

I have had several reactions when I am driving it which I have never had when driving something smaller or older with a lesser engine.

So what sort of car do you have?

(in my experience this can create different reactions!)

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 06-Dec-12 22:21:02

Perhaps he has a weird car fetish.

Freak him right out by parking an inch further back every day for a month then an inch forward every day

CaptainVonTrapp Thu 06-Dec-12 22:15:32

Return to your car, start the engine.
Stop the engine.
Get something out of the boot.
estart the engine.
Stop it, walk back into school have an unnecessary chat with the teacher then return to the car.

Repeat until he cracks.

And he must have the URL to this thread left under his wiper.

mrscrimbobash Thu 06-Dec-12 21:25:59

The reciprocal thread on 'MansNet' would be hilarious.

AIBU? This insane woman screamed at me whilst shitting on my car bonnet sketching a picture of what could only be a douche and a canoe.

BlueberryHill Thu 06-Dec-12 21:22:13

So many good ideas, try them one at a time and let us know how they go. But try Rubberducks last.

RubberDuck Thu 06-Dec-12 21:17:24

You should just leave a little piece of paper under his windscreen wiper...

... with only one thing written on it...

... the URL to this thread.

mrscrimbobash Thu 06-Dec-12 21:05:27


Shit AND Scream.

Then he will never EVER mess with you again.

TweedSlacks Thu 06-Dec-12 20:59:49

Borrow Steal An A4 pad from work .
Have a one liner conversation Pre- written on several pieces of paper.
Drop DC then turn round and pull up next to him.
Reveal the ' Hello' piece of paper, he will automatically word 'hello' back.
Now , maybe 'How are you?'
Then ' Do you know what a DoucheCanoe is? '

Probably best to drive off at this point .

If you are likely to be invited to a little ones party at his this might not be the best course of action.

Just park opposite where he wants to park . This will leave him in a predicament . Park in his reserved space as per, and make the road really narrow , or park in a different space altogether.

He's just weird with a parking obsession

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 20:59:13

oh dear.

I'm being strangely drawn to both the shitting and screaming ideas.

I need help, don't I?

TheSkiingGardener Thu 06-Dec-12 20:57:46

The problem is that he is teaching his children to behave like this. We can't have twatbadger children!

I would walk up to him in his car, knock on the window and ask, politely, what the fuck he's doing as he's being a douchecanoe.

Please let us know what he says!

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 06-Dec-12 20:52:20

Walk up to your car all normal, then just as you get up close to him, stick your thumbs in your ears, waggle your fingers and screaaaaaaam, for about one second, then carry on as though nothing happened. If he challenges you, look confused and suggest he hallucinated it.

SugarPasteSnowflake Thu 06-Dec-12 20:40:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickledInAPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 20:20:03

Yes you have to be really happy and cheerful and give a smile perhaps say aha we meet again! Good morning! In the style of Alan partridge at him.

God knows what his problem is but it will wind him up so bad if your nice to him and there is nothing he can do.

mrscrimbobash Thu 06-Dec-12 20:16:06

Shit on his windscreen.

Wait till the kids are out obviously.

LunaticFringe Thu 06-Dec-12 20:01:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieandtheMagiTorch Thu 06-Dec-12 19:59:38


I like that TalkativeJim

TalkativeJim Thu 06-Dec-12 19:58:08

I would walk straight past my car next time, giving him a cheery wave, and go on an hour-long walk.

Or, go tap on the window and say to him, 'you know it's fine to stay where you are already parked. It's quite safe, there's a lot of space behind you. I know not everyone is great at parking, but there's no need to be so nervous.'

He would HATE that smile

KittyFane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 19:46:39

So many brilliant posts!
I like the cheery 'Hiya, lovely morning isn't it?' suggestion but I would not engage at all.
Look through him, get in car and write shopping list, text, faff about, paint nails. If he beeps his horn ignore and don't look. If he gets out of car and comes to window, wind it down and politely say 'Oh sorry, I'm not ready to go yet' and wind it up again.
It's time for passive aggression!! He's a twat.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 06-Dec-12 19:42:51

Is the bit behind where you park a dropped curb?

Long shot I know seen as he's a zigzag parking wanker as well but thought I would ask.

I would be inclined to yell " what the actual fuck is your fucking problem fuck face parking wanker" and then when he left his door open I would drive into it.

But really I wouldn't I would just think about doing it.

drjohnsonscat Thu 06-Dec-12 19:35:16

I get a lot of head shaking and headlight flashing when I stop to let pedestrians cross the road too. Typically from black cab drivers these days, gawd love em. Because really and truly only they know how to drive.

I think your guy might feature in this book:

It's actually mainly about why you shouldn't let them bother you - that's my main problem and I urgently need to read this book. I just can't bear the fact that there are such morons in the world and make it my mission to explain to them why their attitudes are antisocial and crass. Of course the various assholes I have come across lately all love this and thank me profusely for showing them how to be better citizens. hmm

SauvignonBlanche Thu 06-Dec-12 19:33:42

Poor you, you do seem to attract crazy drivers!

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