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AIBU to think that you can't charge people for Christmas when you forgot to organise a kitty?

(28 Posts)
NomadsLand Wed 05-Dec-12 22:43:09

My sister and BIL are understandably pissed off after attending Christmas last year at other sister's house. They contributed loads of booze and goodies and had to stay at a hotel during the family gathering.

As they were leaving (after a 5 day visit - staying in hotel next door) in their taxi for the airport, other sister asked them to contribute £200 towards the cost of hosting Christmas. They were extremely miffed and only had about £160 in cash on them which they handed over before leaving for their flight feeling v. pissed off.

They are now refusing to come over for Christmas again.

In my hosting sister's defence, she did spend an absolute fortune hosting Christmas (but she is a big spender and foolish with money) but I think she should have set up a kitty instead and organised it that way instead of presenting a bill afterwards. Left a sour taste.

So, judgement of MN - what do you think?

squeakytoy Wed 05-Dec-12 22:45:55

YANBU.. your sister is a cheeky cow.. if she wanted it to be a joint effort she should have made that clear when issuing the invitations.. if I were your brother I would have told her to feck right off.

ChristmasCountdown Wed 05-Dec-12 22:47:40

YANBU. That's appalling.

ReinDearPrudence Wed 05-Dec-12 22:47:46

YANBU. If costs must be shared, then this should be agreed in advance.

purpleroses Wed 05-Dec-12 22:48:45

That's outrageous - if you want to be generous with your own money fine, but you can't then charge your guests! And assuming your sister and BIL had flights to pay for to come and visit, I would guess they must have paid a fortune overall.

JaquelineHyOnChristmasSpirit Wed 05-Dec-12 22:49:17

I would be bloody furious and refuse to get involved again. I also wouldn't have stumped up any money at all.

AngelOne Wed 05-Dec-12 22:50:31


I would've told her to swivel

bedmonster Wed 05-Dec-12 22:51:34

Jesus what a rude cow! Sorry, I know it's your sister, but it sounds like on top of their generous contribution they had also paid for flights and hotel accomodation! Definitely a good idea to set up a kitty if you don't want to/can't afford to bear the brunt of entertaining. But do it beforehand and give warning, you don't invoice someone for Christmas unless you're toys r us

stella1w Wed 05-Dec-12 22:51:52

How cd it possibly come to 200 if they supplied booze and stayed in a hotel. V rude. Kitty idea strange too. Sureluy informal,m you get the turkey, i'll get the drinks and host covers cost of veg etc?

Iamsparklyknickers Wed 05-Dec-12 22:52:00

I'm on your sister and bil's side.

It's one thing to dish out responsibilities before hand - someone brings wine, someone buys the meat etc. - but to land a bill for stuff they've had no say in even wanting let alone how much to spend would have me spitting blood to be honest.

I'm guessing it would have been cheaper for your bil and sister to have their meals at the hotel.

Balls to your other sister, I don't believe for a second she doesn't understand why anyone wouldn't be keen to experience a random bill again at an expensive time of year after shelling out for a hotel.

ENormaSnob Wed 05-Dec-12 22:54:54


That's outrageous.

goralka Wed 05-Dec-12 22:55:07

tight and unreasonable - who offers to host Christmas and presents family with a bill at the end of it? un-fucking-believable.
it's like inviting someone for sunday lunch and presenting them with a bill at the end of it.

HenriettaTurkey Wed 05-Dec-12 22:55:44

We are travelling to my parents thud year. We're providing booze, cheese board and cakes/mince pies etc.

They're providing beef joint /veg etc

Alternatively, do an online shop, have an open list & split receipt.


ThisIsMummyPig Wed 05-Dec-12 22:57:22

If you have a guest, then they are exactly that, unless you are running a business.

I assume the hosting sister had a nice time too.

I struggle to ask anyone for money, much less my own family for food my family has eaten.

OscarPistoriusBitontheside Wed 05-Dec-12 23:04:45

That's outrageous! No wonder you brother doesn't want to do it again!

A guest is a guest! Or you agree to split the cost well in advance, which if they have bought the booze they have contributed! Shocking!

McChristmasPants2012 Wed 05-Dec-12 23:12:26

I wouldn't go again, I don't expect nothing for free but they bought a lot and paid a lot to come.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Wed 05-Dec-12 23:14:47

I think that if she wanted to spend a fortune on hosting an elaborate Christmas then she should stump up the costs or made it clear at the outset that she intended to have a kitty. If she was planning a kitty then everyone who contributes should have a say in how it is spent.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Wed 05-Dec-12 23:17:32

That's awful of her. Very, very mean

pigletmania Wed 05-Dec-12 23:18:05

YANBU why should people pay fr your sisters extravagance. What a cheeky cow, I dont blame them for not going again, they have every right not to

kdiddy Wed 05-Dec-12 23:20:05

I am shock at your sister's cheek!! If you invite people over to yours, then you feed them. They're your guests; you don't ask them for a contribution as they're leaving!

If money's tight but she wanted to get everyone together, then she should have discussed this upfront and either agreed a kitty, as you say, or for everyone to chip in a different bit e.g. food, booze.

Did they spent the whole 5 days together? Did they eat all of their meals round at her house? My mind is boggling at a £200 bill!

Narked Wed 05-Dec-12 23:22:11

Do you really need to ask?????

Narked Wed 05-Dec-12 23:23:06

I wouldn't be visiting her home again. Full stop. Not just at Christmas.

ThePoppyAndTheIvy Wed 05-Dec-12 23:27:17

YANBU definitely. As others have said, if one person is happy to host but cannot afford to bear the entire cost then it is perfectly fine to agree to share expenses before the event - probably along the lines of "I'll buy the food, can you bring wine/drinks?" kind of thing. To invite people for Christmas at your house with no mention of contributing & then asking for a large contribution at the end (or any contribution at all) is completely unacceptable.

I can barely believe the someone could be rude enough to do that shock. Especially when the guests in question must have laid out a small fortune to spend Christmas with the family as it is (I'm guessing flights at this time of year are not cheap!).

SantasStrapOn Wed 05-Dec-12 23:29:06

Same as everyone else, speechless at the sheer audacity of it.

(*Narked*, have take photo, can't upload it from twatphone, will stick it on photos tomorrow in the morning when I wake up )

CelineMcBean Wed 05-Dec-12 23:36:59

shock She clearly has more front than Blackpool!

In my family one sister has a small house so we stay in hotels. She provides everything except crackers, pud and a bottle of gin (tradition in my family and she provides posh tonic and a choice of lemon or lime). She wouldn't dream of asking for money. We wouldn't dream of offending by offering. It works out about even in terms of expense.

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