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To not want my DC to participate in nativity?

(632 Posts)
Spru Wed 05-Dec-12 15:47:56

I asked school to excuse DC from nativity (due to religious reasons - we do not depict jesus/mary/joseph.) They were absolutely fine with it. Happened to mention this to work colleagues - and they basically told me that I wasn't willing to integrate! hmm

I was a bit shocked that they saw it like this despite the fact that I explained why. I didn't realise that this decision was perceived as a lack of willingness to integrate - in a country which I have been born and brought up in.

I had to bite my tongue for the sake of peace!

So...MN jury...grin AIBU to exclude DC from nativity for religious reasons (note: DC is not excluded from other christmas activities at school). Am I just not integrating well into the society that I was born and brought up in?



(please be gentle)

samandi Sun 09-Dec-12 09:47:50

Sounds a bit daft to me but you can do what you like. Personally I'd feel a bit sorry for a kid excluded but if s/he's fine with it then I don't see why anyone else should be upset on his/her behalf.

Galvanise Sun 09-Dec-12 01:09:32

SGF you will find that its work colleagues who got a stick up their arse over op's decision Along with many more on this thread.

Also, its not just a school play is it.

Galvanise Sun 09-Dec-12 01:04:22

Sorry, the above should have read, when someone says it is her right to do something and then unofficially follows with an eye roll, well that is just bad and a sad attitude!

Galvanise Sun 09-Dec-12 01:01:09

Not read all the messages...but have to say brycie when someone says it is her right to do something and then follows with an eye roll, well that is just bad and a sad attitude!

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sun 09-Dec-12 00:54:58

Well, all religious observance is inherently ridiculous, when you think about it. So are lots of things people like to do (such as ballet, football and buying Justin Beiber's music). But whatever wierd ridiculous shit people like to do or think is only problematic when it starts being a matter of trying to control what other people do or think. So in the OP's specific case, it's a bit daft to have such a stick up your arse about a school play but her DC aren't fussed about not participating and she'd not demanding that the school stop doing the play, so it's really not a big deal.

Spru Sun 09-Dec-12 00:28:42


Well i am glad that you too have pompously expressed your opinion. It is the season for goodwill and giving so I shall to graciously accept your criticism. thanks

After all, i dont want to be accused of looking solely for affirmation and validation. smile

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 08-Dec-12 18:01:10

Grr have you been to Morocco? I like their theory. Look at the outside of mosques (and they are beautiful and many) but don't come in if you aren't Muslim. Keeps the places special for those for whom they are special.

My theory is that the OP is reasonable (and seasonable) because she is 'fitting in' where it is OK for her to do so (Secret Santa), not trying to change other people's traditions (not asking the school to ban Nativity) and keeping her traditions where she feels she must (not having her DC portray the prophets). I really fail to see how she could be more reasonable and still keep her integrity.

Brycie Sat 08-Dec-12 16:18:39

Weissdorn - I KNOW isn't it AWFUL. Perhaps you should go on the religion boards and see what people say to Christians there. I think you might actually drop down in a dead faint.

Grrargh: yes I'm not actually suggesting gate-crashing someone's bar mitzvah. Sorry if I gave that impression.

GrrrArghZzzzYaayforall8nights Sat 08-Dec-12 15:46:04

Brycie - No I would not join in another group's celebration purely by living in that area, I would only join if I was directly invited by a person belonging to the group and ensured that it would cause no undue problems for them. The people that the celebration is important to should have first call and consideration.

Personally, I cringe when schools/groups do it without the people they're talking about's involvement - I have seen many traditions butchered and disgraced by people thinking 'it's just a party with extra bits' and end up with something that has no real ties to the original (and in more than a few cases, downright offensive to the people they're meant to be 'honouring'.)

The idea that people should just join in without regard and consideration for the group is ridiculous and thoughtless. That mindset is why the Mayan holy sites in Mexico are currently filled with pompous rich tourists and people looking for profit by ignorance, meaning the actual Mayans themselves are stuck in fields and parking lots.

It's incredibly pompous to believe that we should involve ourselves with everything just because we are here.

RiaUnderTheMistletoe Sat 08-Dec-12 15:25:11

I think playing a non-prophet part would be like a vegetarian cooking meat but not eating it. Some vegetarians would be OK with it, I personally wouldn't. Some Muslims would be OK with supporting roles, the OP wouldn't. No big deal.

Weissdorn Sat 08-Dec-12 14:25:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brycie Sat 08-Dec-12 14:05:10

I asked someone about this and they said, yes, she's within her rights to do this, fair enough. So I said that's your official answer? What's your unofficial answer? And the unofficial answer was an eye roll. Which sort of sums it up for me.

Jinsei Sat 08-Dec-12 14:02:51

Or maybe you just don't get where she's coming from.

Brycie Sat 08-Dec-12 13:59:51

I don't know, maybe it's just the wording of it all, starting a thread on this particular board.

ljny Sat 08-Dec-12 11:37:20

How is it pompous for a family to follow their religious beliefs?

Inconvenient, obviously, for the op and her children.

But hardly pompous!

Brycie Sat 08-Dec-12 10:08:37

Maybe I didn't mean ridiculous. Op I don't think it's ridiculous really, I've found the right word now - I think it's a bit pompous. But that's not a criminal offence either smile

Brycie Sat 08-Dec-12 10:03:52

I mean if it's that important to you why do you need validation?

Brycie Sat 08-Dec-12 10:02:51

Well that's a bit silly too and just confirms that all she wants is attention, affirmation and validation and not really opinions at all.

AmandaCooper Sat 08-Dec-12 09:54:38

OP mentally cross out every responses from those who haven't grasped what your talking about.

I haven't read all 25 pages. Perhaps by now you have sought opinions from others in your religious community about the compromise of your DC taking on the role of shepherd or inn keeper, I would see this as a good opportunity to develop my understanding of my faith. You also have a great opportunity to discuss your religion's beliefs about idolatry and images with your DC in a context they will understand. If you are not comfortable with them taking part, then have the courage of your convictions and pull them out. I can't imagine anyone but the professionally offended will care.

Brycie Sat 08-Dec-12 09:46:12

I'm afraid you don't here Jinsei: sorry to disappoint you smile although I think I'm beginning to.

Sirzy Sat 08-Dec-12 09:43:36

And the op wouldn't stop her child taking part in a Christmas party (or so it seems from what has been posted)

Yet again people are spectacularly missing the point!

Jinsei Sat 08-Dec-12 09:43:30

Oh, believe me, brycie, I do. wink

Isa, have you actually read the thread?

IsaXMASbelleRinging Sat 08-Dec-12 09:40:52

We are not Hindu but I didn't stop my DC joining in at school with the Divali party they had a couple of weeks ago.

Brycie Sat 08-Dec-12 09:38:54

Well when you see someone narrow minded and judgemental you go right ahead and think they're ridiculous smile

Jinsei Sat 08-Dec-12 09:34:09

Fair enough, you have a point. I think it's ridiculous when people are so narrow-minded and judgemental about other people's beliefs, but I suppose people have the right to be that way. smile

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