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Bringing my cat with me?

(35 Posts)
CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 05-Dec-12 11:13:39

Okay, so I'm just writing this for perspective - I doubt I can change anything. Please be gentle!

Right, so we will spend Christmas with my OH's family. They have a very old dog. It's OH's birthday v.close to Christmas, so we will be expected to go to their house forever I expect - but saying that, we were invited last, after everyone else rejected the invitation.

Anyway, OH wants to go down on the 19th, and come back after New Year. He is v. close to his parents so I can understand why. I don't drive, for medical reasons, incase this becomes important.

I have no family. Without making this pages long, my parents were very violent and abusive, and my sisters and I were sent around various foster homes (some good, some terrible). Christmas is an awkward time for me. I have severe depression and anxiety that gets a lot worse then. I am currently seeing a psych about bipolar, as my mum and sisters have this, and I am showing symptoms.

So, we have to go down on 21st as I have an important psych meeting on the 20th. We are taking various small animals, I think, because I'd worry about leaving them here. We are also taking down the mice we have looked after for his parents for a few weeks as they are doing something to the house.

I want to take the cat. He is, apart from OH, my only pet. He isn't technically mine...he was in the house when we moved in, and has moved himself in. I believe his owner has moved out. He's here all day everyday, with me, and he has been an amazing help to my mental health. He can be a bit of a pain...he's slightly feral, and will forget to put his claws in, and he did bite me last weekend. But I love him, and I'm dreading leaving him.

OH's parents hate cats. Hate them. No real reason why. OH did too until he met this cat, and he now loves him. He won't tell his parents that the cat is here. The cat was in a fight last week and OH rushed him to the vets...he's ours, for all intents and purposes.

OH originally said he'd ask for the cat to come, and that I wasn't BU for wanting him there. Now he says they will say no. I don't know if he's asked. He gets very stressed and says I can stay with the cat if that makes me happy, but he will be going there. He doesn't want to choose, and says it is me that needs to choose, if it comes to that: going with him or staying with the cat.

So AIBU for asking them to let me bring him? He'd be happy in his little fabric cat house. I'll spend a lot of time upstairs alone anyway because I'm an outsider, so I'll be with him for cuddles etc, and I'm tempted just to sneak him down. I'll be a wreck of nerves if I have to leave him outside for that long without knowing he is okay. No catflap so can't leave him inside

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 05-Dec-12 11:58:43

Talk to the neighbour properly. She sounds lovely and as if she will help if she can. It sounds as though you have at least one other neighbour you can ask, too, so I'd try that before trying more difficult/expensive options.

And it's not silly or wrong to love your cat and find him reassuring. It sounds as though the two of you have a great relationship!

VikingLady Wed 05-Dec-12 12:32:51

Regardless of whether it is about the cat, the cat is still an issue that needs sorting. Op can deal with her relationship after Christmas or whenever she wants!

Op, there are cat sitting/feeding services. I priced up our local ones and they would charge £15 per day to come and feed the cat twice a day, let him in or out and play with him for an hour each time. Is that an option?

Longdistance Wed 05-Dec-12 12:36:28

My step fil does house sitting, and looks after dogs, cats, horses and so on. Try looking into something like that.

AboutThyme Wed 05-Dec-12 12:36:53

I'd be more tempted to chuck the OH out and hope someone feeds him scraps to be honest angry

pictish Wed 05-Dec-12 12:43:33

I don't think your cat will enjoy going on holiday to your pils for Christmas. I don't think you should take him. Sorry.

D0oinMeCleanin Wed 05-Dec-12 12:55:33

Oh bless you.

I personally do not like catteries. Not for any reason. I just know my cat would hate one. I am fortunate enough to have family near me who feed my cat while I am away. But there are other options if your neighbours cannot help.

There are also some people who look after cats in their own home, perhaps if you found someone or a cattery close enough you could visit your cat.

If your PIL happen to live near me I'll take him, even if he does sound like he's gonna pee all over my house and eat my children grin

It does sound like your OH is being a bit harsh about this. Is he normally so dismissive of your feelings?

PippinWoo Wed 05-Dec-12 13:07:50

I've had many cats over the years and none of them would have liked to go away to strange houses. You can't really take them on holiday like you can with dogs. Going in the cat basket to the vet or cattery is bad enough! He would find the whole experience incredibly frightening even if he's with you so it's not very fair. If he got out of your in-law's house somehow, you may never see him again!

The best thing for you both would be to put him in a cattery or use a pet-sitting service. At least then you'll have peace of mind that he's safe, secure, warm and fed even if its not his favourite place. He'll be okay and you can always ring up and check with the cattery how he's doing. Yes, it's a strange place but it's geared towards cats and keeping them happy so not the same as a stranger's house.

My local cattery is about £6.50 per night including food. The price you've been quoted is madness! Have a look around.

I hope you sort it and can relax over Christmas whatever you end up doing.

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Wed 05-Dec-12 13:11:01

Get a pet sitter. They will come round every day/every other day and feed teh cat, change the water and litter. I never put my cats in a cattery as they get too stressed and it's too expensive. This is by far the better option as the cat can stay in its own environment.

PippinWoo Wed 05-Dec-12 13:15:43

How far are you travelling to get to your in-laws? Couple of hours in the car?

Would it be feasible to check your cat into a cattery near to your in-law's house so that he's safe and happy but you could perhaps visit him during your stay when you feel you need to see a friendly furry face?

It sounds like you need the comfort of seeing him during the difficult period of the visit and if no one else can help you, you should have him nearby somehow.

baublesandbaileys Wed 05-Dec-12 13:17:13

no harm at all in asking, they might surprize you!

but if you asked me, it would be a flat "no", I wouldn't judge you for asking though so long as you were gracious about the possiblity of it being a "no" IYKWIM

and if you snuck a cat into my house without asking I would of course find out (how can you not?) and you would be out on your ear with your cat immediately, even if it was 2am on christmas eve!

If your neighbour doesn't work out then I'm sure there's some thing more informal and cheaper than a cattery that you could use, like someone letting themselves into your house a couple of times a day?

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