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to think if you start a sentance with "this is going to sound really rude" then you probably shouldn't say it

(30 Posts)
autumnmum Tue 04-Dec-12 17:34:36

That's it really. Someone I had only just met started a conversation with me using this opener today, and then was suprised when I was upset by what they said.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 19:19:26

I think it depends. Sometimes something needs to be said. Its going to come across as rude.
Especially in text, email etc.

I refuse to say it now though.

My auntie thinks that if you start a sentence with 'with all due respect..' you can say what you want.

autumnmum Wed 05-Dec-12 18:47:53

Thanks for your helpful replies people - you've made me feel a lot better. I spent all last night thinking of witty things I could have said.

cumfy not a religious sect, just a run of the mill environmental charity. I have discovered today that the person in question is training to become a therapist!

quesadilla Wed 05-Dec-12 18:41:27

Depends... if its with someone you know and trust and you're being frank about something important and you're having a drink it can be fine. If its an opener to a conversation with someone you hardly know, nine times out of ten its best just to keep it to yourself.

cumfy Wed 05-Dec-12 18:11:56

Perhaps more pithily:

I totally disagree with what you're saying, but completely recognise your right to say it

cumfy Wed 05-Dec-12 18:06:24

I don't mean to be overly critical but YABU;
it's a perfectly reasonable to prepend some sort of warning to appropriately flag up negative comments.

OTOH why the hell this person thought that you should lie when asked a perfectly straightforward question and that instead they can dictate the answer you should give is utterly bizarre.
Is this a religious sect of some kind ?

They sound totally unhinged.

Kalisi Wed 05-Dec-12 17:46:38

I'm not sure what's worse, pre warning you that what is about to be said is going to be rude or just saying it and then adding 'no offence' at the end.
Both fuck me off offence.

wordfactory Wed 05-Dec-12 17:37:28

I speak as I find....

cinders005 Wed 05-Dec-12 16:49:40

Or "no disrespect"

cynnerthenaughtyreindeer Tue 04-Dec-12 20:13:51

Let me be no

Molehillmountain Tue 04-Dec-12 20:13:27

With all due respect (ie pretty much none)

thebody Tue 04-Dec-12 20:07:20

'Look don't take this the wrong way' and the funny 'you know me I don't gossip'. Lol followed by gossip.

Ignore op she's jealous, say' I hope you don't take this the wrong way but fuck off love will you?'

Schmoozer Tue 04-Dec-12 19:40:42

I'm sorry but ....
I know someone who likes,to spout bollocks smile
She often precedes bollocks with i'm sorry but ....
And she really, really doesn't seem sorry ! smile

HalloweenNameChange Tue 04-Dec-12 18:37:53

I am not racist but... followed by something obviously racist

lovemydogs Tue 04-Dec-12 18:28:29

My OH always says to me "I hate to say this but......" clearly he does not hate to say it - quite the opposite.

Another one is when people say "I'm not being racist but...." and then proceed to make a racist remark.

Agree with merrymouse too.

merrymouse Tue 04-Dec-12 18:21:35

also the even less self aware phrase "I'm not being rude but...".

helpyourself Tue 04-Dec-12 18:16:03


helpyourself Tue 04-Dec-12 18:15:51

I'm not being funny...
That makes no sense and you sound about 12.
Not you op- volunteering world is a weird

ThePoppyAndTheIvy Tue 04-Dec-12 18:14:37

In that case, take no notice. YANBU, but some people just feel the need to say whatever they are thinking without worrying how that will make the other person feel. They seem to think that using the phrase "I don't mean to be rude" excuses whatever follows. It doesn't.

It's akin to posting a rude or offensive reply to someone's FB status and ending it LOL, as if a LOL makes it OK. hmm

It really boils down to some people having no manners.

autumnmum Tue 04-Dec-12 18:11:46

CQuin smile I'm a science expert not an English one!

autumnmum Tue 04-Dec-12 18:09:48

Poppy nobody in the room had a clue about my background. I only mentioned it here because I am a great big show off wanted to illustrate I don't expect to waltz back into the sort of job I had before the kids came along. What I can't understand is why anybody would want to deliberately upset somebody else.

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 18:04:35


ThePoppyAndTheIvy Tue 04-Dec-12 18:03:04

Do you often point out the fact that you are highly qualified & experienced in the field you are working in to her or the other volunteers? Do you think maybe they are a little cheesed off with hearing this & think you are acting as though you are better than them and therefore have a right to a job when one becomes available, where they might not?

If not, then just ignore it as a silly person with a bee in her bonnet who has misunderstood you smile.

autumnmum Tue 04-Dec-12 17:47:53

HECT I was at a meeting for volunteers (I am an intern for a large charity) to discuss the volunteer experience. When asked why we were volunteering I said it was because I wanted a job. This other volunteer took offence at this and took me to one side and said I shouldn't have said that as it made me sound bitter (I'm not, so I'm not sure what gave her that idea). She also said as I have been a SAHM for 8 years I should expect to start at the bottom and not "to get ideas above my station". I should mention that I am highly qualified and experienced in the field I am working in - but the very fact I am working for free should kind of indicate I don't really have ideas above my station.

ThePoppyAndTheIvy Tue 04-Dec-12 17:47:36

I also have a nosey need to know what was said...... grin

YANBU though. If it is rude, don't say it. Quite simple really!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Tue 04-Dec-12 17:42:27

Depending on what followed, YABU.

On the rare occasions when I have used one of those openers, I have always been met with 'Hell, yes!' as I'd generally just be voicing something that the other person is thinking but doesn't want to say.

I wouldn't say anything that is likely to upset someone though, so if in a situation where I was likely to say it the person then ended up upset, it would probably be because they are over sensitive.

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