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I wince when women refer to being a mum as "a job"

(502 Posts)
CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:02:11

It's so mimsy ish, so martyr and yet at the same time.

Our parents would never have said this, is it just the heightened expectations everyone has for everything thee days ?
Would dads say this?

Eg I have two jobs, I'm a mother (or worse "mummy ") and a hat maker." (or whatever )

Fuck off.

Kayano Tue 04-Dec-12 17:16:38

It pisses me off

'I'ma full time mum.'

As opposed to what? A part time mum?

LimeLeafLizard Tue 04-Dec-12 17:17:05

So CQuin, what do you do?

That is what I was wondering..!

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:17:10

Lol at "dont judge "

This is Mumsnet ! smile

chickydoo Tue 04-Dec-12 17:17:18

Being a mum is not a Job
It is life, all the stuff we have to do with kids is to be expected. We decided to have kids. It is what it is.
I also work out of the house 35 hours a week, now that really is a job. I need to do it to pay for the luxury of having kids.
I still have to do the mum stuff, cook, clean, shop, mend clothes, help with homework & all the school stuff for 4 kids.
Being a mum is a life choice, it is not a job.
If you want to describe your job as a full time mum, up to you, not my choice.
Op I agree with you.

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:18:12

One job not paid.
I don't think the "mum is not a job " can be rationally argued. It just grates.

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:19:08

Omg at rabbits.

CRINGE at filling in box as mum.

EW ew

TerrariaMum Tue 04-Dec-12 17:19:18

I don't use the term myself, but I can understand why some do. When DD was about 6 months old, FIL and I ran into an acquaintance of his and she asked me what I did. I said I was a mother, no embellishment, no nothing. Nothing about being a fulltime mum or it being the hardest job in the world just the sentence 'I'm a mother.'

She gave me a sort of contemptuous look and said 'No, no, I mean what do you DO?' Because being a first time mum with a 6 month old was nothing to her. It didn't count.

HalloweenNameChange Tue 04-Dec-12 17:20:01

What do I do OP? Waster? Refuser of proper work? Unemployed? People ask what you do, I say I am a sahm. That doesn't mean someone who has a job isn't a parent or that my husband isn't a dad. it just means the work you quite happily pay someone who has a "job" to do is done by me. Why is it only work if it is someone else's children?

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:20:44

Do you say sahm OUT LOud? !!


I've never heard anyone say it

HalloweenNameChange Tue 04-Dec-12 17:20:57

People who fill out "wife" on Fb as their employment status, judge them

HalloweenNameChange Tue 04-Dec-12 17:22:02

oh sorry, I fell for it. My mistake. Didn't realize you were a bitch troll

theDudesmummy Tue 04-Dec-12 17:22:07

I used to use the term "full-time mother" (cringe) until I became a mother. Now I know better! All mothers are mothers full-time! the fact that I also (not instead of) do something else all day doesn't change that!

Pinkforever Tue 04-Dec-12 17:22:23

Yawn yet another sahm bashing thread-how orginal op/bridge dweller.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Tue 04-Dec-12 17:22:58

Yes, perhaps wording it a bit differently would be less offensive, I'm at home full time, parenting my children, as opposed to full time mum.

To me I have no career, the last job I did was seven years ago, not counting a brief encounter when I tried and failed to keep the job. So when people ask what I do, what my occupation is, or what my job is, the nearest thing I have is being a mum. I don't want to belittle anyone else, or big up what I do, I just don't want to feel a bit humiliated that something else has been taken away from me by my disability and health problems.

HumphreyCobbler Tue 04-Dec-12 17:23:01

no one ever asks me

MorrisZapp Tue 04-Dec-12 17:24:24

Oh get a grip. 'full time mum' just means a mother who looks after her kids instead of having employment outside the home.

I'm a mum all the time, but I'm not a full time mum. I have a full time job, which ends at 5pm each day. Full time means full time working week.

No judgement meant at all.

HalloweenNameChange Tue 04-Dec-12 17:24:59

Being a parents is a lifestyle choice? What? No more than a regular job is.. jobs are only had to provide food, shelter and generally keep you alive. Like parents do. It's all part o the family dynamic, someone had to keep children fed and someone has to keep children form sticking their fingers in plug sockets be that mother, father, or child carer.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Tue 04-Dec-12 17:25:06

Wow OP, did you mean to be so rude? Are you regularly this offensive to people?

GreenEggsAndNichts Tue 04-Dec-12 17:27:07

You cringe at someone saying they are a SAHM? Considering that's a pretty accurate description of what that person is doing, I'm wondering what you'd prefer them to say?

If someone is at home with a small child, they're taking care of that child full-time. If that child is being looked after by someone else, that person defines themself by the job (childminder, or nursery worker, or whatever). I'm not sure why the parent's description should be entirely different.

I agree about "full-time mum", it infers somehow that mums who work outside of the home aren't mums once they step out of the door. hmm

GreenEggsAndNichts Tue 04-Dec-12 17:28:08

ah Halloween you're right. Shall move on now!

Jennyrosity Tue 04-Dec-12 17:29:54

I've just given up to stay at home with my daughter, and when people ask me what I do I plan on telling them I'm a kept woman.

It'll keep the conversation going, at least.

babythrashling Tue 04-Dec-12 17:32:18

Oh dear CQuin, you sound awfully angry and bitter about something....perhaps you are jealous of SAHMs? It certainly sounds that way.

Proudnscaryvirginmary Tue 04-Dec-12 17:32:34

What do you mean 'mums get so little respect for what they do', Freaks?

Do you mean SAH mums and who do you want respect from? confused

I don't expect praise or applause from anyone for being a parent (or do you not mean working mums like me?).

AllYoursJingleBellbooshka Tue 04-Dec-12 17:32:34

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Feeling bitter about something OP?

Indeed. I think 'full time mum' is an unfortunate phrase. Like others, I don't stop being a mum because I'm working outside the home. I agree, parenthood is a lifestyle choice (and not really a 'job' in my view), and one we both wanted to make, so we're both parents, but have careers too. We had them before we had DD, and we will have them long after she stops needing us.

Very happy for other people to be SAHP but it's not for us. (Largely because I'd be pretty crappy at it.) To be honest, I wince when people post on Facebook what it would cost to pay them for their time 24/7/365 as a mother.... Really winds me up.

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