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Am I being an ungrateful bastard rather than than am I being unreasonable? long, sorry

(32 Posts)
BadLad Mon 03-Dec-12 04:01:50

So, I'm living with DW, DSiL, DBiL, DMiL and 2DNs (4 and 1).

The good:

It's a very nice house.

We have a few rooms to ourselves, although we share kitchen and bathroom.

We're saving plenty since we don't pay rent, and renting here is expensive and buying a house is just throwing money away in this country and particularly this part of the country. We pay board, and I always remind MiL that she can up it any time if I am costing too much.

Very little housework to do. Before anyone jumps on me too much for that, I do anything involving heavy lifting, keep our part of the house clean, do the ironing for myself and DW, and change bedsheets. But I've specifically been told to keep the housework I do low key so as not to undermine BiL, who is nice but old-fashioned, and does parenting but no housework whatsoever.

Everyone is fantastically nice to me.

The not-so-good:

It doesn't feel like home. I still worry about marking the walls, breaking something or opening a drawer and finding something I shoudn't like Lynn in Alan Partridge. Also, I can't invite anyone to visit.

I can't do as much as I would like in the house. I like cooking, and have cooked about five times since I moved here. It was appreciated, but they would rather I didn't, as I take a long time, make a lot of mess (which I cleaned up) and spent a lot of money (I paid for it, but MiL still sees that as money DW and I should be saving). Also the in-laws are conservative and don't really enjoy foreign food that much. Plus, MiL seems not to like men in the kitchen, seriously!

The culture is starting to feel oppressive. Everything is so very Japanese, but I honestly and starting to feel like a homestay student living with a foreign family to learn the language rather than a married adult.

First world problem I know, but am I just not knowing when I'm well off? There are times when I am really happy living here, but other times, and today is one, when I really want to live somewhere without the in-laws, who, I say again, are lovely.

BadLad Mon 03-Dec-12 05:24:31

I wouldn't say I'm SO unhappy exactly. Rather like a lot of long-termers in Japan, I fall in and out of love the place. Only "the place" means this house, rather than Japan.

I am indeed working, a long way away, in fact. But I have to live in this prefecture. This will seem inconceivable to people unfamiliar with Japan, but DW's employers are insisting that we live together and that we live in this prefecture. Fortunately my employers have rather reluctantly agreed to my commuting from quite far away.

TanteRose Mon 03-Dec-12 05:27:38

are you one of those people who take the shinkansen to work? grin

BadLad Mon 03-Dec-12 05:29:31


TanteRose Mon 03-Dec-12 05:35:21


BadLad Mon 03-Dec-12 05:38:42

It is nice, but it creates a terrible fear of losing your train pass, which gets less and less as expiry date approaches. Three months teiki costs 395,000 yen.

TanteRose Mon 03-Dec-12 05:43:10

shock <faints>

although from what I can gather, its probably that expensive for commuter passes into London from the counties...

NewKateMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 03-Dec-12 13:51:13

Hullo everyone

We're going to move this to AIBU in a mo, at the OP's request.

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