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to not expect me ex to deny our relationship!?

(92 Posts)
dawsonjunior Sat 01-Dec-12 14:29:49

We weren't together for ages (4 months) but he introduced me as his girlfriend to his friends, heard him mention my on the phone to his parents, told each other that we loved one another.

He got chatting to someone who didn't know was my friend, she asked if he was single and he said yes since May.

He's my ex for a reason. But I wouldn't deny our relationship.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Sat 01-Dec-12 18:39:27

At 23 the last thing you should be thinking about is how to force a man to marry you. Get a life! While some people marry young and grow old together happily blah blah blah, the majority of young marriages go wrong, mostly because the participants grow into themselves and have less in common than hormones after a while.
Marrying young is particularly inadvisable for women, because what mostly happens is the woman stops growing up and her life becomes about being the man's appendage. And then either he trades her in or she wakes up and remembers she's a person and he doesn't like it.

FestiveDigestive Sat 01-Dec-12 18:27:29

Dawson - I don't think 4 months is too soon to have really fallen for someone or that 23 is "too young" to be serious about someone and discuss marriage. I have friends who were married in less than 6 months at that age and who are still together now.

In fact, some short relationships can be far more intense than longer (1 year plus) relationships where the couple only see each other a few times a week and don't have an strong connection. Only you know how serious the relationship was and what you talked about and you have every right to feel heartbroken - because you imagined a future with this person, you thought you were in love with each other and now it has ended.

I can see that it will have added to your hurt to hear that he didn't mention you when your 'friend' spoke to him. I hope you feel better soon & that you meet a man who is right for you thanks

Spero Sat 01-Dec-12 18:19:23

I agree it's not remotely twatty to fail to mention you went somewhere with an ex. If someone asked me if I went to NY I would say, yes, last year, love to go again, not yes with my boyfriend of four months Nigel, but we split up last week.

I think the second type of reply would be really odd. He wasn't being asked about his relationship status but where he had been.

The only way you have any right to be put out is if he was asked a direct question about you and he denied ever meeting you

marchwillsoonbehere Sat 01-Dec-12 17:57:14

Sage words Squeaky. I retract the 'bit of a twat' judgement.

squeakytoy Sat 01-Dec-12 17:48:48

I woudnt even say he sounds twatty.. none of us (including the OP) really know how the conversation went.. if I met a stranger and they said to me "did you go away this year", I would probably say "oh I went to NY"... and if I was single and being potentially chatted up by a bloke I had never met, I certainly wouldnt say "oh I went to NY with my gf" or even say "ex gf" as that just opens up a conversation about "ooh, why is she your ex?".. In fact he may not even have been remotely interested in the woman, and was simply giving basic answers out of forced politeness.

marchwillsoonbehere Sat 01-Dec-12 17:43:13

grin @ Linerunner

marchwillsoonbehere Sat 01-Dec-12 17:42:41

A bit weird yes, but it sounds like he rather fancied the friend so diodn't want to muddy the waters with recent relationship baggage. Bit of a twat, yes, but understandable, and, sorry, he is a free agent.

LineRunner Sat 01-Dec-12 17:42:37

How did your friend come to ask him about going to New York?

'Have you been to New York lately?'

PuppyMonkey Sat 01-Dec-12 17:39:56

A bit.

PuppyMonkey Sat 01-Dec-12 17:39:34

I think it's abut weird of him to say he went to New York on his own. If that helps?

puds11 Sat 01-Dec-12 17:28:47

23 is young in terms of relationships. What is your longest relationship prior to this?

I personally think its madness to be telling someone that you love them and want to marry them within 4 months.

AllSnowballsAndNoKnickers Sat 01-Dec-12 17:20:06

Put HER up to it ffs confused

AllSnowballsAndNoKnickers Sat 01-Dec-12 17:19:33

I'd say she put him up to it. Good choice of a friend about whom he knew nothing at all - even down to her very existence! But you know - if you didn't want to hear the outcome of your trickery then maybe you shouldn't have started it in the first place?

LineRunner Sat 01-Dec-12 16:58:26

I asked the OP if she's put the friend up to it way upthread. It just seems like a totally unproductive thing to do.

And if the friend did it unilaterally, and told the OP, which seems quite likely, then that's not a friend that's a classmate.

Theicingontop Sat 01-Dec-12 16:53:10

He's clearly moved on if he's chatting away about how single he's been for the past four months to a girl he's never supposedly met.

I asked if you'd put her up to it, because in my mind, that's the only 'acceptable' (although completely counterproductive to your moving on process imho) reason for your friend to be chatting anonymously with your recent ex. You need to be asking why she did this. Or if it is true at all.

HairyGrotter Sat 01-Dec-12 16:50:32

My last relationship lasted 4 months, I got dumped for being too fucking awesome...I got over it in 2 days. However, I'm 32...well ollllddd. You sound quite young, you'll learn soon enough

marchwillsoonbehere Sat 01-Dec-12 16:37:55

You have a good twenty years ahead of you to find someone lovely and have a family, if that is what you want. That's an enormous amount of time, but still too short to waste any of it in this way.

THIS!!!! ^^

missymoomoomee Sat 01-Dec-12 16:35:09

23 is young. I speak as someone who got married at 21 and thought at the time I was mature enough. Looking back now I really wasn't and I am very fortunate that it worked out for me, it could so easily have gone the other way. It took a lot of work from both of us. Sadly your ex doesn't want this relationship anymore so your choices are to torture yourself about it or try and move on.

Spero Sat 01-Dec-12 16:34:47

I am really sorry you are hurting, and I know it isn't fun at any age.

I don't want to play misery top trumps but I do want to encourage you to get some kind of perspective.

How do you think you would feel if you were 43, had a couple of kids and your husband of 10 years had just dumped you for someone else? I think you would then be justified in displaying enormous grief.

You have a good twenty years ahead of you to find someone lovely and have a family, if that is what you want. That's an enormous amount of time, but still too short to waste any of it in this way.

squeakytoy Sat 01-Dec-12 16:34:37

Sounds more like a honeytrap than a fishing expedition...

BluelightsAndSirens Sat 01-Dec-12 16:33:24

Ohh stroppy to boot, I've read the thread and asked a question thanks very fucking much.

And at 23 I had stopped playing silly games, I'd be more pissed that a friend thought it acceptable to fish from my ex.

bradywasmyfavouriteking Sat 01-Dec-12 16:31:46

why are you so angry with people asking questions?

Why have you not answered about why you are not mad at your friend? and why you think she did what she did? Do you think its ok for her to trick him?

Did you put her up to it? If so why?

Did you just want us to tell you he is a bastard? Sometimes that's what we need.

FiercePanda Sat 01-Dec-12 16:31:28

I'm 29. <gimmers>

marchwillsoonbehere Sat 01-Dec-12 16:29:49

And 29 is hardly drinking up time in the last chance saloon either!

FiercePanda Sat 01-Dec-12 16:28:38

Alright you're 23, you're not a teenager, but you're really immature. Get a grip, move on, it's over.

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