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To disagree with friend who sends her ds to school after being sick 3 times in the morning

(57 Posts)
pingu2209 Fri 30-Nov-12 09:43:15

My friend is a single mum with 1 child age 8. She works school hours so she and term time only. The child's father is not around and her parents are no longer alive, she has no back up support. If she doesn't work, she doesn't get paid, she doesn't get sick leave and as she works term time only she doesn't get holidays.

This morning she told me her son had been sick 3 times but she was going into work because she needs the money (esp in the run up to Christmas). I was horrified. Not only is she risking other children, but also her poor son should be at home!

Perhaps I am being too judgemental?

Sirzy Fri 30-Nov-12 09:45:35

Yanbu.

That child needs to be at home no matter how hard it is for her.

The school shouldn't be having to look after a poorly child (when the child is ill when they go in) and she shouldn't be putting the health of others at risk

OhYoubadbadKitten Fri 30-Nov-12 09:47:01

It sounds like she is in a very difficult position but I expect other parents in the school are too. Unfortunately having children means that sometimes you have to do things which make life very difficult and that includes caring for them at home while they are sick.

altinkum Fri 30-Nov-12 09:48:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerTricksPott3r Fri 30-Nov-12 09:50:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 Fri 30-Nov-12 09:50:52

My dd's friend was sent to school after after she had been sick in the night, her mother was at home that day but wanted to do her christmas shopping.

I agree with you he should be at home.

OhYoubadbadKitten Fri 30-Nov-12 09:52:23

Altin, I'm sure pingu doesn't want the bug!

pingu2209 Fri 30-Nov-12 09:52:49

Altinkum, I would help any of my friends out in most circumstances. But I have 3 children and Christmas is 3 weeks away. I don't want to risk a sickness bug running through the house.

LindyHemming Fri 30-Nov-12 09:53:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3littlefrogs Fri 30-Nov-12 09:53:35

The incidence of winter vomiting virus is up 50% on this time last year.

Situations like this is why.

I feel really sorry for your friend, but her child will probably spread this round the whole school.

Mrsjay Fri 30-Nov-12 09:54:06

Yanbu you are not meant to send a child to school if they have been sick and 3 times, they will be phoning her by breaktime to pick him up anyway poor boy,

browniebear Fri 30-Nov-12 09:58:06

She shouldn't of sent him to school, surely taking two days unpaid leave wouldn't of left her that skint.
I understand that it's a difficult situation for her but all the other parents who do keep their children off won't appreciate it either

Wallison Fri 30-Nov-12 09:58:37

YANBU but it is difficult when you're on your own. In the job before this one, my boss was forever giving me a hard time for taking leave at short notice if my son was ill. He used to say stuff like "Can't you just leave him with a neighbour? Don't you have any friends who can help?" whereupon I would calmly explain to him that when my son is throwing up three times in an hour, or has a temperature, or is in pain then no I can't do that. Some employers are just shit and put all kinds of pressure on you and it is very possible to be discriminated against as a single parent and with the current economic climate you don't want to piss these people off.

Wallison Fri 30-Nov-12 10:00:06

When I say 'forever' btw I meant every time my son was ill, which wasn't actually that often. It's just that he would make these comments every single fucking time, which made me panicky.

tiggytape Fri 30-Nov-12 10:08:19

YANBU - she is totally in the wrong to do it although I do agree she must be under a lot of pressure too.

There will probably be children at the school for whom a severe vomiting bug will mean a hospital stay. There will be people whose child will catch it and it spread it through their family potantially ruinng Christmas plans / holidays to see relatives. There will be other single parents with no back-up whose children will get it who will do the right thing and stay off work and lose money as a result.

She is in a hard situation but YANBU to think she totally did the wrong thing. Not to mention the fact that her poor DS must feel awful today.

pigletmania Fri 30-Nov-12 10:11:12

I am sorry for her situation but it's irresponsible parents like this that help spresad norovirus. Also the boy won't be well at school and she will need to be called out anyway

HullyEastergully Fri 30-Nov-12 10:16:19

I feel really sorry for her. She wouldn't do it if she wasn't desperate, would she?

Can't believe there isn't a single person that could help her.

InNeedOfBrandy Fri 30-Nov-12 10:17:09

YANBU I would ring the school and tell them what she's done. I actually want to slap people like this, they are not the only single working mums about ffs. angry

pingu2209 Fri 30-Nov-12 10:19:16

I had a job about 7 years ago where I had to take off 16 days in 9 months for caring for my sickly ds2 who was a baby at the time. Eventually my company said I was no longer allowed to take time off when my child was ill. I could have up to 24 hours off unpaid as Time Off For Dependents, but the example they gave me when they explained it was if I got a call at 2.30pm to say my son was ill, I could leave unpaid but they expected me at work at 8.30am the next day or they would take disciplinary action.

It is impossible to work and be a parent if you have 'sickly' children.

pingu2209 Fri 30-Nov-12 10:20:28

Hullyeastergully, there are stay at home mum friends but they are not willing to look after a sick child. They don't want to catch the buy themselves.

Sirzy Fri 30-Nov-12 10:20:30

As hard as that is though pingu it isn't the schools responsibility to provide the childcare. The mother needs to try to find a way around it.

Meglet Fri 30-Nov-12 10:23:28

She shouldn't send him in.

But as a single mum myself I can understand her fear of losing her job and having to cross her fingers her son will be ok. I don't have to take time off work as my mum has the dc's when they're sick. But I've had a shitty boss in the past and my job would have been on the line if I took time off for sick DC's.

CocktailQueen Fri 30-Nov-12 10:23:28

YANBU. That is terrible. I can understand that she may not want to take time off/her employer might be difficult about it, but her child must be feeling awful today and it's completely unfair to spread the bug round the school. Totally irresponsible. And I wouldn't want to look after another child when they had a sick bug, thank you, Hully!!!! Woudl you?? And risk your family becoming ill??

ChessieFL Fri 30-Nov-12 10:24:38

I agree it is very difficult for her, especially if she has an unsympathetic boss, but unfortunately it is part of the deal and something you just have to accept when you have children - sometimes they get ill and when they do you have to care for them. Others have said it's a shame there is no-one else around who can help - but why should someone else be exposed to the sickness bug and potentially put their family and their Christmas at risk? Sorry, but the OP's friend should have put her son first - it's what you have to accept when you choose to have children.

pigletmania Fri 30-Nov-12 10:26:08

I agree cocktail, I would not either, it's a big ask with something like noro virus. I would do whatever to help, like shopping etc but no not look after her ds

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